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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel very saddened about a poor 15 year old in the children's ward at the weekend.

71 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 12:22

DD had appendicitis and had it out on Friday night, so spent all weekend in hospital. She is fine now and came out yesterday afternoon bless her.

She was in a ward of 3 kids, I stayed with her all 3 nights (on the most uncomfortable chair known to western civilisation) and the girl next to us had her mum stay with her as well. Both 15.

Another 15 year old came in another bed late Saturday night, with a broken femur and shattered kneecap. She had no adult with her. Overheard the doctor on Sunday morning - basically she got the injury after arguing with her mum about doing the dishes, and her mother pushed her down the stairs. The doc and nurses were asking about her life at home, it sounded awful, basically her mum spent a lot of time abroad, and her dad looked after her some of the time, but for the most part she was on her own. The docs were getting social services involved.

When the docs went we were discharged, we had a load of sweets, food and mags left over so I gave them to the girl. She was sat there in her bed all tearstained, and looked like the saddest sight. It was heartbreaking.

Just felt so sad comparing DD and the other girl in the ward, who had someone with them at all times, and this poor girl who was in a lot of pain and on her own.

I don't want to sound like a smug twat, and of course there may well be a lot more to this story than what I heard, just so sad that some kids have such miserable lives.

OP posts:
LineOnTheLeftOneCrossEach · 11/04/2011 13:11

A puzzlebook is the same as a ds lite. Children today are weird. Grin

Children's wards are strange. Full of hope and sadness in equal measure. My Mum didn't leave my side either. She'd nip off for breakfast or to buy sandwiches but was otherwise there with armfuls of sweets and books.

Kallista · 11/04/2011 13:12

Very sad to have this kind of homelife. At 15 you're on the brink of adulthood and i know for me that my mum and i had lots of problems - i was quite aggressive and she found it hard not to lash out. I know my mum partly blames me for her divorce and i don't blame her.
I expect this girl's mother feels terrible, also i guess she's banned from visiting. I am NOT excusing this mother, just saying that nothing is simple in families at all.
For me our relationship changed hugely over ten years - now we are v close. I hope that despite everything life improves for this girl and maybe with SS help
there will be a reconcilliation.
YANBU + sound v caring.
BTW - during a short hospital stay at 15 i was put in an adult ward, and hung out with the elderly smokers. My mum understandbly freaked out. Things have changed!

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:13

I went home for a bath every day, but DP was there along with some of DD's friends.

I fell asleep in the bath on Saturday. Then panicked about wasting time so drove back to hospital with wet unbrushed hair. I looked unspeakable Grin

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ReindeerBollocks · 11/04/2011 13:15

Children's wards get easier the more you get to know them (DS adores his), the staff are usually brilliant and really caring, hopefully they will really look after this girl.

I hope she gets support when she is discharged though, as that situation sounds awful.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:15

Thanks Kallista - yes there may well be more to this other than a 5 minute snapshot which I cheekily eavesdropped.

But she looked so bloody sad and unhappy.

My MIL had her appendix out at 15 as well (in the 50s) and she was on an adult ward as well. The woman in the bed next door gave her some fags which she smoked (in bed of course).

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animula · 11/04/2011 13:16

That's so sad, Getorfmyland.

I was reading about a comprehensive in London that has established a link with a hostel, so that it can support homeless sixth formers. They had children talking about attending school whilst sleeping in parks, having been kicked out by their families.

It makes me want to sign up as a foster parent, but I know that's a bit unrealistic just now. Suppose it reminds you of the work the SS do.

everlong · 11/04/2011 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:25

I read that too animula - kids who desperately wanted to continue their studies but had nowhere to live.

I had a rotten time growing up, that is probably why this upset me. Lived with an abusive gran, i was so unhappy. Used to walk up to the top of cliffs and just feel dead inside. Used to feel ashamed that i wasn't brave enough to hurl myself off the top of the cliff. No 15 year old should think like that.

I was a grade A student, wanted to do A levels and go to Oxford. But at 16 I couldn't take any more, so got a job as a waitress with a live in room and packed my stuff and ran off one night. Never spoke to my gran again. It was awful being alone and that is one reason I had dd at 17.

Thank christ it all worked out for me and dd in the end, but it was walking on a knife edge sometimes.

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Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:26

Sorry - hijacked my own thread there

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Kallista · 11/04/2011 13:29

OTOH my dad hit me in my late teens - even swearing got his back up - it was a mutual decision to move when he slammed my hand in a door - i just was in his way i think. I was about 20?
Now there's that distance we get on very well.

I can see from that girl's view - if you love your parents it's hard to break away and see their behaviour as wrong.

animula · 11/04/2011 13:35

Oh, GetOrf, that's terrible. I hate to think of children going through that. Makes me angry, too. My Pollyanna streak is desperate to say that I always read your posts and think you have a great sense of perspective and warmth when you talk about your relationship with your daughter, though. So at least she's a beneficiary ....

for you. And for that poor kid.

MilaMae · 11/04/2011 13:36

Getorf that would have really upset me too.

I too was sleeping on exactly the same bed/chair over the weekend and had a similar experience. There was a severely disabled child on our ward without his mum. Not judging the mum what so ever as it was probably a good op for some respite care. He was suffering a bit in the night(or maybe not,it may have been normal for him) but it broke my heart that he was on his own even though he was totally unaware. My ds was crying out a lot in the night and holding my hand. I felt so sorry for this mum and counted my blessings a lot.

I felt bad when we left,ds with armfuls of comics,new books etc excited to be going. Said child's mum was there and likely to be for a long time. Tried to just slink out.

I don't know if worry makes you emotional but I felt all those feelings you felt and just couldn't even leave ds to get a desperately needed coffee and trashy mag-made do with the Torygraph I scavanged and some strange book about a woman driving across the US with her catHmm.

I hope they sort her out Sad.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:39

Thanks animula, that's a lovely kind thing to say.

Mila - that is awful. The thought of a young kid crying out with nobody to hold his hand. DD was crying in her sleep before she had the op, and when she woke up she was frightened as she couldn't work out where she was. And she is nearly an adult really - it must be awful for younger children.

And who invented those fucking reclining chairs? Grin

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Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 13:40

Oh, and I read two St Clares books. Now I want to get the rest of the set, and Malory Towers.

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thinNigella · 11/04/2011 13:44

I spend a lot of time in a childrens hospital and it amazes me that parents leave children of any age in there, although it must be very very difficult with work and other children in the family.

I spent this Xmas in there and there were lots of children left alone on Xmas day whilst their parents went off to enjoy themselves. It is very sad for the children and also quite dangerous, nursing staff do not look after children they just do drugs.

georgie22 · 11/04/2011 13:57

thinNigella - as a nurse I have always looked after my patients, not just done drugs! That's part of the job but certainly not the only element of it. Looking after my patients allowed me to do all the vital assessments necessary to provide good care. If the nurses aren't in evidence on the ward that says more about the management of the hospital than the practice of individual staff.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 14:00

The ward was really understaffed at the weekend due to sickness - at one point there were 2 nurses looking after 24 beds. I don't know if that is normal, but the nurses were rushed off their feet. There was a definite visible presence, though, and nothing was too much trouble.

But god knows how they would have been able to care for 24 kids if NO parents had been there.

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SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 11/04/2011 14:03

Nigella what an odd thing to say! My friend gives a lot to her patients and not only drugs! She genuinely cares about them....sometimes orrying about them when she is not there.

If she has o Laptop is there any way you could borrow one? Or one of those mini DVD players? They're only about thirty quid....Id give you ours for her if you are in Cheshire...not a problem.

georgie22 · 11/04/2011 14:07

GetOrf - unfortunately that is the norm on many wards now. In my experience it left me feeling deeply unfulfilled in the job I loved. I was not backward in coming forward to complain to management about the workload for staff on my ward but was largely fobbed off. It left me, as an experienced ward sister very disillusioned and I am now much happier working for a charity where care is paramount. That's the case for many nursing staff - they get fed up on the wards where they cannot possibly do the job they love and leave. Can only see things getting worse if predicted job cuts are realised.
That poor girl - I'm sure she would appreciate some toiletries etc. It doesn't matter what has happened in the relationship with her mother, she's still a child.

superv1xen · 11/04/2011 14:09

thats so sad GOML :( it brought tears to my eyes. poor girl. i hope social services manage to help her.

good idea re taking something in for her.

and i hope your dd is on the mend now.

animula · 11/04/2011 14:10

Yes, I forgot to say - hope your dd is on the mend, GetOrf.

SueSylvesterforPM · 11/04/2011 14:13

Its awful, I hope her mother is arrested for that too.

poor girl Sad

queenoffairies · 11/04/2011 14:16

Oh that's so sad GOML, I hope the girl is okSad And how lovely are you for wanting to take some smellies etc back in for her.

When DD1 was recently in hospital, it broke my heart that I couldnt stay with her. She is 14, but with a few issues, so a young 14. But, as my ex refused to look after DD2 (4) overnight, I had to go home. So, I left the hospital just before midnight (after last rounds), picked DD2 up from ex, went home and then straight back to hospital at 8.30 the next morning when I had dropped DD2 at nursery. I couldn't sleep at home though, for worrying about herSad

I too have seen young kids left alone at the hospital, and think that the nurses do a fabulous job with them. In fact, ex actually says that I dont need to be at the hospital anyway, as that is what the nurses are forHmm

georgie22 · 11/04/2011 14:16

Yes exactly - hope your dd recovers quickly. I'm sure she will with the love and care of her family, which unfortunately some kids never receive.

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 11/04/2011 14:20

Thanks everyone - I was hoping that my OP didn't come across as sanctimonious and holier than thou.

Yes dd is on the mend now - still in pain and her stomach is very swollen bless her. However she is in bed watching masses of shite on the telly. She is a lovely girl and so brave (and mad - she wants to play in a football tournament this week Hmm)

Skinnit I am in Gloucestershire I'm afraid, however you have reminded me that DP unearthed an old DVD portable thingy of DD's, it works but we were just going to take it to a charity shop. I think it would be a good idea to take that in along with mags and toiletries and sweets.

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