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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset about inceident in my local swimming pool

46 replies

easterbunnies · 11/04/2011 11:57

Hi all. Was at 7 year old dds swimming lesson last week and suffering rotten morning sickness at the time. Pool gets packed with people so I got daughter's clothes out of locker and placed in cubicle while i got her out of shower round the corner. All took less than 1 min. When I got back to changing cubicle, door was locked with daughters clothes etc inside! I immediately thought it was me being forgetful as I was so sick that day and figured I couldnt remember which room it was. Low and behold after 15 mins of dd shivering, the door opens and a woman emerges nonchanantly with her grandson with all our stuff inside! I shook my head and calmly said that I thought what she did was dreadful. She smirked and told me that was tough; her grandson was ready first so she felt entitled to take the cubicle. I said she could have at least put our stuff out as my dd frozen and upset as we thought her bag had been lost/knicked.

At this point she started pushing back against the door so I couldn't close it as I was getting really annoyed by her and wanted to end the exchange. I know I was v wrong in what happened next but I told her to piss off. Think it was partly caused by sickness, may have shorter fuse. No excuse though. She abused me back, told me I was such a lady and a bad mother. I saw red then and pushed against the door to shove her out while yelling at her to get out as she was wedged in the door so i couldnt close it.

When we came out she was waiting for us. I apologised to her for my behaviour and said I was pregnant and very sick. She said she could not care less. She continued abusing me, as we walked towards my car. My dd wet herself as she was frightened by this. I am shocked at how I snapped at her in pool as thats not like me at all but Im not feeling myself. Ive been so stressed lately as this is first pregnancy after MC and Ive been so scared as it took me yrs to get pregnant again and Im now in later 30s.

I hope there wont be another showdown at next class as my nerves cant take it! What do you think?

OP posts:

Gemsy83 · 11/04/2011 12:00

Is this real???

Bucharest · 11/04/2011 12:02

YABU to have escalated the situation, but you didn't deserve her to be rude back. Tbh, I'd have called the manager! (on both of you!) I have lost count of the times dd and I have had to get changed in a cubicle (invaribly when it's swim lesson hours) and people put their clothes ready and "bag" a cubicle, so we're getting dressed around other people's stuff.
Obviously that wasn't the case with you, and there was no need for the woman to be so rude, but maybe she is just arsed off with the old towel-on-sunbed routine that seems to go on!

FabbyChic · 11/04/2011 12:02

I think you behaved well considering she was being an asshole, I'd have shoved her rather than the door to be honest.

She was ignorant and rude, she deserved to be told to Piss Off.

Try not to let it worry you you done nothing wrong.

The least she could have done was put the clothes outside the cubicle, how bloody mean.

needafootmassage · 11/04/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WalterFlipschicks · 11/04/2011 12:04

What an unbelieveable woman, to be honest, apart from children in earshot, YWNBU to tell her to piss off!!

madonnawhore · 11/04/2011 12:04

She was out of order. I'm not surprised you reacted the way you did when she was wedging herself between you and the door so she had you trapped so that she could continue having a go at you. I would have told her to piss off as well.

Poor you and your poor DD.

greencaveman · 11/04/2011 12:05

I think that from the other woman's perspective, she found an empty cubicle and it had clothes in it - she couldn't tell how long the clothes had been/would be in there so she took the cubicle. I'm not sure why you thought it was appropriate to hog a cubicle before you were ready to use it - I know you were ready to use it fairly quickly, but how was anyone else to know that?

The rest of the exchange is frankly bizarre. Just stay out of her way when you next go.

Gemsy83 · 11/04/2011 12:05

No nothing wrong at all- swearing at someone in front of kids, pushing and shoving at a swimming lesson...thats if any of it is true which I doubt- why would you wait 15 minutes rather than knocking the door? And OP prey tell what made you post your first ever thread on here?

transferbalance · 11/04/2011 12:05

yes she sounds like a prize bitch

give her the evils next time you see her

or start talking to her, friendships have had a stranger basis

GreenEyesandHam · 11/04/2011 12:06

She sounds an absolute troll.

Next time do one of two things; totally ignore her, I mean look right through her as if she's not even there.

Or laugh in her face.

Oh and reassure your daughter that it was nothing, and you aren't the slightest bit concerned about going back

BeerTricksPotter · 11/04/2011 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goldenticket · 11/04/2011 12:09

Why didn't you just knock on the door and ask for your stuff?

ShatnersBassoon · 11/04/2011 12:11

Absolutely, goldenticket. You should have knocked on the door and asked her to pass the clothes out. Did you really stand for 15 minutes without making an attempt to recover the clothes?

Ephiny · 11/04/2011 12:13

She sounds horrible and aggressive, I'm not surprised you were upset and there was no need for her to behave like that at all. However you were a bit unreasonable to try to 'bag' the cubicle. I agree you should have tapped on the door and asked for the stuff, though from the sound of it she might have made you wait anyway!

Original poster

easterbunnies · 11/04/2011 12:16

gemsy83, why would i bother posting this if it wasnt true, I know it was a weird incident which is why I thought I'd get others' opinions. I waited 15 mins as I already stated; I assumed I'd made a mistake about which room it was. Fair point by other posters that she was not to know we didnt leave our things there for the whole class like many other people do, it is a problem there tbh. As for posting this as my first, whats the problem?

OP posts:

lionheart · 11/04/2011 12:19

Poor you. She sounds awful.

Goblinchild · 11/04/2011 12:21

We often had a problem with parents taking their children swimming and leaving clothes in the cubicle whilst they did so, rather than using a locker.
Not leisure swimming, more the 30 min after school lessons.
It's a PITA if you have a wet child and the cubicles have been 'baggsied'
I think you both behaved ridiculously as adults and I feel sorry that the children were witnesses to such pathetic, rude and territorial behaviour on the part of adults they should be able to rely on.
She sounds the more unreasonable of the pair of you, but neither of you could let the situation go, following, pushing, snapping and justifying.
Consider what you can do to avert the same situation next week.

controlpantsandgladrags · 11/04/2011 12:23

You know you were wrong to tell her to piss off. I wouldn't have gone into a cubicle if it had someone else's stuff in it, but how was she to know you would only be gone a minute? For all she knew you would be gone an hour and there were no other cubicles free.

She was obviously totally in the wrong when it comes to following you and being abusive. You should have reported her to the staff.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/04/2011 12:28

I wouldn't bag a cubicle but can see if it really was for less than a minute she was being unreasonable. For all she knows you could have started changing and then your DD could have needed the loo in a hurry and you could have shot there. This has happened to me before and I'd have been hopping mad if someone had used the cubicle.

I can see why she used it - she had no idea how long you'd be, etc. But if I'd been her I'd have apoligised and said sorry, didn't realise, it was the only empty cubicle, etc. No need for smirking and door shoving as she did at all. And waiting for you, following you to the car while been abusive is bang out of order. If she carries on enxt week just calmly tell her that you're reporting her to the leisure centre staff and if she carries on been so aggressive you'll be telling the police. Then walk away and ignore her.

thebestisyettocome · 11/04/2011 12:28

Doesn't surprise me that she's a grandmother. They are often the worse for being selfish and precious. I would report her for what she did to your dd. Tell the baths that it's immaterial how things then escalated and who said what to whom. Your dd is who really matters and she was the one who suffered by having to wait for 15 mins dripping wet.

violethill · 11/04/2011 12:50

I agree with Goblinchild.

OK, the other woman sounds worse, and the most agrressive, but neither of you have come out of this smelling of roses.

And it really is selfish to 'bag' a cubicle. By your own admission, the pool was busy, which was why you did it. It wouldn't have hurt you to get your dd showered before getting her clothes out of the locker and finding an empty cubicle. Be honest - you bagged it precisely because you didn't want your precious dd to have to maybe spend 2 or 3 minutes looking for an empty space to change after her shower! It backfired on you, because someone then got in there before you - but you can't blame them. They weren't to know if you'd be back in 2 minutes or 30 minutes!

It sounds like a horrible experience, and the woman certainly sounds deranged, but the simple solution is to just get your dd's clothes out of the locker when she's ready to change - not try to bag a cubicle

fastedwina · 11/04/2011 12:58

TBh you started it and upped the anti, also her side of the story might be completely different and telling her to 'piss off' in front of her grandchild probably kicked it all off. You both behaved badly.

moomaa · 11/04/2011 12:59

I feel sorry for you, you didn't deserve that agression.

Do agree that you shouldn't bagsy a cubicle though, it is really annoying. I would take someone's stuff out and put it on the floor if it was dry, or take the cubicle if the floor was wet and wait for them to knock or leave the door ajar and keep an eye out for them if it was just a DC getting changed.

MadMommaMemoo · 11/04/2011 13:02

You sound as bad as each other. Pathetic.

TandB · 11/04/2011 13:09

Another one in agreement with Goblinchild here.

You shouldn't have bagged the cubicle - doing so was no better than her using the cubicle that had been bagged. Effectively you both tried to do a form of queue-jumping - she just managed it better than you. I don't know why you would tell her that it was "dreadful" or why you didn't just ask for your things and wait for another cubicle.

Her behaviour was appalling but yours wasn't great either. I don't think there is much point in complaining to the centre - she shouldn't have followed you and continued the abuse but you aren't going to get much response to a complaint that begins "I bagged a cubicle, someone took it and when we got into a row about it I told her to piss off in front of two children".ku

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