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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy my 8 yo DD cropped bra-style vests?

37 replies

YourCallIsImportant · 11/04/2011 10:00

She thinks that I am.

Most of her friends wear them including K, who I keep being reminded, is only 6.

I think at her age she should be in a proper vest. I know I sound like my granny, and I'm prepared to be told IABU.

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 11/04/2011 10:02

Of course YANBU. I don't think my 8yo would know what they were and I am making damn sure it stays that way for a couple more years yet Grin

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/04/2011 10:07

YANBU. My nearly 10 YO wants a proper bra. I have absolutely no problem with her wearing appropriate underclothing, I do have a problem visualising an ironing board wearing one. She has no breast growth whatsoever, if she did I would of course get her one.
She went to school wearing a vest this morning, a proper one that covers her stomach and which she can tuck into her knickers.
Minikreechland is full of orange bras that she can wear.

MollysChambers · 11/04/2011 10:07

Yuck. YANBU. Surely they'd ride up anyway??

Pesha · 11/04/2011 10:10

I think YANBU but I did give in and buy my dd some when she was about 8 I think.

She is very sensitive and insecure and all her friend's have them so I have bought her a few too. She is 10 now and still has no actual need for any kind of support.

The latest thing was that all her friends have deodorant for after PE/swimming etc. DD does not need deodorant so I won't buy her any but I have bought her a small body spray so she doesn't feel left out.

I don't want her growing up too soon but at the same time she is so sensitive and really doesn't take teasing well and girls her age can be so vicious!

I think it all depends on your dd and whether she is actually upset by this or just feeling a little left out iywsim compared to how strongly you feel about her not wearing them.

TheSmallClanger · 11/04/2011 10:10

YANBU, unless she is starting to grow breasts.

Tiny Clanger refused any kind of vest at that age, which saved a lot of bother.

curlycat · 11/04/2011 10:11

my nearlyy 11 year old dd was desparate for a bra cos her friends are wearing them but she's as flat as a pancake but i gave in and bought her a couple of cheapies (completely flat not padded or shaped) she wore one once and its never been back on cos it rides up as there is nothing to hold it down!! saying that she's refused point blank to wear a vest since she was about 5!

PrincessScrumpy · 11/04/2011 10:13

We all wore crop tops at 9yo in my school (I'm now 29). I started periods at 9 so needed bras at 10. It's all about changing in front of others at pe time and vest simply aren't cool - they weren't 20 years ago so I doubt they are now. I would only get dd a bra when she needs one but a crop top is a fine compromise.

TBH, I think, if you make a big thing about it it'll just make life difficult - that doesn't mean dd gets away with everything. My crop tops used to have minnie mouse on them so still child themed and certainly not sexual.

There may well be girls in her class who are developing boobs and getting pubic hair. 8 is young, I think I'd wait until 9 (definitely not 6).

I do remember there being 2 girls who still wore vests at 10 and they did get teased. It's such a hard thing to balance.

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 10:14

My DD hasn't worn vests since she was about 6yo. Why does she need a vest at all?

DD is now 9yo and if she wanted to wear bra-style vests I would let her.

I can remember being horribly embarrassed at changing time in PE because most of the girls were wearing bras and I was still in a baby vest (as I saw it at the time).

Mum took me out and bought me a couple of pretty cami-tops.

frakyouveryverymuch · 11/04/2011 10:16

I had them for summer. Vests just weren't practical but when changing none of the other girls went topless from about the age of 9 so I didn't want to either and begged my mother to get me some. They were still very little girlie and nothing like a bra.

Bloodymary · 11/04/2011 10:20

I did see my 6 year old looking at them in M + S the other day.
I know that she would like to wear one, but I will NOT be buying them until she is about 10!

Leverkusen · 11/04/2011 10:22

I remember trying to get my mum to buy me crop tops at that age too!
Vests just weren't cool! She bought me something similar to these in the end, cami tops
I thought they were trendier because they had thin adjustable straps like a bra. Stupid child that I was.

Bloodymary · 11/04/2011 10:22

Yes, some little cami tops could be a way round it.

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 11/04/2011 10:32

MmeLent, she needs a vest because we live in Scotland. Grin She doesn't really bother wearing them at the weekends, but definitely for school.

She's not getting a hard time about it from her friends, she just wants to be the same as them.

OP posts:
Ephiny · 11/04/2011 10:34

I don't see the problem - if she needs to wear anything under her top, then surely these are cooler than full-length vests for the warm weather. They're not bras or in any way inappropriate for young girls. I remember we all wore similar things at her age.

MmeSurvivedLent · 11/04/2011 10:36

:o

We live in Switzerland. We have snow and everything. Well, not really this winter but generally.

Would she go for a prettier style of vest? these are pretty but no use for school if she wears white shirt.

or these

pommedeterre · 11/04/2011 10:44

I remember wearing cropped tops from about 9 or 10 - everyone did!
I second camis as a stepping stone if you want to delay cropped tops.

NeatFreak · 11/04/2011 10:44

I just bought my 7 year old dd some crop tops. They're exactly the same as vests but shorter, nothing sexual or revealing at all. The only reason I got them is to keep her cooler in school in this weather- her school is always roasting and she changes for PE with all the class so likes to cover up a bit. Wouldn't get a padded/ bra style one but I am happy with what she does have!

Original poster
YourCallIsImportant · 11/04/2011 10:47

MmeLent, the grey ones are nice. Some cami type vests might be a good compromise instead of the plain white M&S ones she's been wearing.

OP posts:
HarrietJones · 11/04/2011 10:55

Dd1 has worn crop tops (like short vests) since 9 & she was developing she is now 11 & I'm going to have to face bra shopping

Dd2 is 9 not developing & doesn't wear a vest or anything.

fatlazymummy · 11/04/2011 11:01

My daughter has been wearing crop tops instead of vests since she was about 7. I really don't see what the issue is. They're just vests but shorter. She's 11 now and have found her some crop tops that have a little bra shape, even though she doesn't have anything there yet, it's just to help her to get used to wearing a bra.
She also uses anti perspirant and a light perfume, again I don't see any issue. She's not growing up too fast at all, it's just to get her used to dealing with her personal hygiene.

Onetoomanycornettos · 11/04/2011 11:41

A whole world I know nothing about, my seven year old hasn't asked yet and I won't be encouraging her to wear a cropped vest as there's no point, it's not for warmth (as not long enough) and she has no breasts. Perhaps this is fashionable in some schools and not others, or am I being very naive?

shockers · 11/04/2011 11:52

I recently saw two 6 yr olds in my class gyrating as they were getting changed for PE... they were both wearing bra style crop tops/ knicker sets and telling each other they looked "Sexy". I told them firmly to get dressed in a voice that I hoped conveyed my disapproval, only to find one of them sitting on the carpet 5 mins later scolding the (completely oblivious) boy next to her, for "Looking at my bra".

Why do little girls need bras and perfume? I just don't get it.

MorticiaAddams · 11/04/2011 12:01

I can't see anything wrong with them. A lot of girls start developing early and wearing it before she actually needs it might make her less self-conscious when she does.

LovelyDaffs · 11/04/2011 12:06

A crop top isn't sexy, but it's not as babyish as a vest. Both of my dds wore them from age 8 I wouldn't put them in vests at this age it's embarrassing (unless you live somewhere v cold). Dd1 started secondary school in September some of the girls are more developed and are wearing bras, dd was embarrassed in a crop top. She has the beginnings of boobs, but doesn't need support yet, so I got her some little bras that are made of jersey, no padding etc.

Quodlibet · 11/04/2011 12:08

I was thinking just the other day about being 10 or 11 and really wanting to wear bras even though there was nothing to put in them for at least another couple of years. I can still remember it being painful that my mum refused to buy them because I 'didn't need them' - kind of rubbed in the insecurity I was already feeling being a slow developer compared to others in my class.

FWIW I think at that age it's a really fine balance between trying to prevent them sexualising too early, and trying to protect their egos at a time when they're quite fragile...

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