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To ask my DH not to be at least 4 hours away 2 days before due date?

28 replies

Pootletrinket · 10/04/2011 09:20

Am 39+5 and looking after my 4 year old. Since November DH has worked FT, before that he didn't (and didn't 'do' the house or take full reponsibility for DD); I gave up my FT work 3 weeks ago for mat leave and since then, he's had dinner cooked every night and I've sorted out a lot of the house 'crap'.

This week, he asked if he could go sea kayaking this weekend, I said that I thought he'd be too far away (2.5 hour drive to the coast, plus he could be anywhere between 30 mins and 3 hours from the car) and I'd rather not. We compromised (I thought) that he would go to the river and be 2 hours away.

In the meantime, have found out that baby is not cephalic and is in oblique lie, therefore if waters break I must go straight to maternity to check baby's lie and whereabouts of the cord. DH knows I am anxious about having to take DD with me if this happens and we're alone together.

Yesterday, he had a lie in until 12.30 (which I thought was pretty reasonable of me - again, this is common most weekends), he took 45 mins to 'wake up' and I took DD out from 1.30 - 4pm, so he ddn't do much with her yesterday. Last night, he had a winge at me that he'd wanted to go sea paddling but I wasn't happy with it, I said we'd agreed this during the week, why bring it up now, he said he's upset that 'by the time I'm back on my feet, the weather will have turned knowing my luck' and 'I'll miss all the paddling weather" - he had the grace to acknowledge that this wasn't my fault (!). So I asked him if he could take DD to her 'gardening' club this morning for an hour as I've got a birthday party with her in the afternoon, he said he intended to get up with her this morning and then go kayaking for the day (he hasn't got up with her, more because she will only wake me, doesn't want him to be up with her).

AIBU to want a little more consideration, thoughtfulness and support during this late stage of pregnancy? AIBU to think that a 'reasonable' man wouldn't consider being 3-6 hours away from his wife on any day in these circumstances (especially as he's told me he checks his phone every half hour when at work)?

Generally, I'd have liked more support throughout, but this seems to me to be the last straw.

Sorry, have ranted!!!!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 10/04/2011 14:18

Has writing any of this down helped you realise that you are being taken for a mug?

This man gives you nothing emotionally, financially and physically (in terms of help etc). He spends his wages on nothing and also spends your DDs CB!

You dont have to pay a penny for him to leave, give him his "notice" and see a solicitor about getting him out. If he cant get his arse into gear and pay for somewhere then that is HIS problem NOT YOURS.

I really dont see what you are getting out of this relationship. What about the bills while you are off work? Will you be going back early to make sure they are paid? Do you pay for his food etc because that would stop straight away, along with his access to any other money.

I think that perhaps Relate on your own would be a very good idea, to help you see how you are being used.

sorry to be so blunt but I am frankly appalled at how you are being treated!

Newgolddream · 10/04/2011 18:37

pootle please come back and let us know how thing are.

Pootletrinket · 10/04/2011 20:23

He did go, but was back by the time DD and I came back from party (and wasn't back in bed when I previously thought and did do some house work before he went out!) with the BBQ on, cooked us all dinner, bathed DD, dried her hair and put her to bed - told me to go and put my feet up while he did so!

All I had said was that he was being unreasonable to want to go paddling so far away; he immediately agreed and that was that.

Not all fixed, I know, but I feel better for now and this gives me foundations to work on.

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