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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with comments about my weight?

95 replies

KingStraub · 09/04/2011 23:49

especially while I'm eating?

I am a small build, about 5'2", and weigh about 7.10 stone.

Aibu to be annoyed with (albeit jokey) comments along the lines of:

"Oh, you really don't deserve to be so skinny" (while eating a bacon butty at my desk)

"You could do with feeding up!"

FFS. I EAT. I can't bloody help it. And I am fucking sick of being told that I need to eat more.

And, btw, I'm not even skinny, in the true sense. I'm just small!

OP posts:

Xenia · 10/04/2011 09:03

I think some fat people have lost the concept of what a normal healthy weight is. even a 18.5 BMI is within normal healthy weight range and they think 4 stones heavier is the norm. It's just so many people around them are fat they forget normal or slim weights.

WiiUnfit · 10/04/2011 09:04

YANBU to be annoyed with comments regarding your weight, whether someone is skinny / slim / average / overweight / obese, it's not appropriate or polite for others to comment!

I would, like others have said, imagine that this is down to pure jealousy, you say they're not fat - they probably disagree and actually want to be a similar size / build to yourself. OH gets similar comments, he's 6ft and weighs about 10.7st max, it's just his metabolism .etc (he eats junk food like a pig on steroids loads).

However, I have a colleague at work who is 5ft and a size 6 so v.petite, She annoys everyone else with constant remarks of how she "needs" to lose weight / go to the gym / go on a diet .etc which usually prompts v.unsupportive responses "are you having a laugh?" .etc.

SillyHat · 10/04/2011 09:11

YANBU

It is rude. I guess they think they are paying you a compliment though.

I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter and I hate the comments I get from some people (minority, thankfully) when I have lost weight and am looking slim. They seem to think it is ok to say a positive comment and then start on about how I look so much better because before....XYZ (yes, I KNOW I was overweight before - thank you).PIL are the worst offenders. I now don't tell them I am on a diet and quickly change the subject if they start noticing before they get to what they really want to say.

wendyfromtheyard · 10/04/2011 10:09

I lost a lot of weight due to overactive thyroid. It just fell off. It was a few months before I went to the doctors to see what was happening. People were obsessed with it. Even my sister was arguing with me that I HAD to be making myself sick or something. When I did get a diagnoses, I actually ended up quite ill as it caused an auto immune disease my heart was under stress, breathing difficult. peoples reactions were ' well at least you loose weight with it'!

Kallista · 10/04/2011 11:11

It's understandable that you are annoyed. Maybe those commenting are jealous. (I know i would be :) ).
Just one thing - anyone slim should watch their fat / sugar intake the same as someone bigger should; and should exercise - you want to avoid getting a high body fat percentage (possible even with a low BMI).

chocolatecoveredlissielou · 10/04/2011 11:25

YANBU, its one of my pet hates. its ok to comment on a slim persons weight, but not on a lrger persons. imagine the outpouring of sympathy if your op had been "I'm a size 16, Im fed up of people telling me I should really diet, and that I'm too chubby"

ffs, being told that you are too skinny is NOT a compliment!

and (probably for the first time ) I agree with xenia

GiddyPickle · 10/04/2011 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpypants · 10/04/2011 11:30

really glad i found this - i was really upset the other day as a friend i was out with basically told me i looked annorexic and then refused to back down, carrying on about how i didn't eat, ever. She was really annoyed with me. I found myself justifying my weight to her, explaining my eating habits and revealing far more then i normally would. I am tiny; I know I'm tiny and I like being tiny. I am also very healthy, keen on keeping to a size 8 to 10 and genetically lucky. I eat what would have been considered a 'normal' amount before we became a nation of fatties - now it's normal to have a latte and a cake between breakfast and lunch etc etc.

ReindeerBollocks · 10/04/2011 11:36

I get these type of comments too. Normally I can't make a retort because if I do it would look smug, or like I am criticising the weight of the person who made the original comment (I am not FWIW).

I have had 'helpful' and bitchy comments since high school and it just gets tedious.

Try and rise above it OP, not easy, but a far safer option.

ReindeerBollocks · 10/04/2011 11:39

I have to say though, I don't like it when people are referring to 'fat people' in this thread.

Two wrongs don't make a right. No one likes unhelpful comments aimed at their size.

partyhats · 10/04/2011 11:57

I used to weigh about that for most of my twenties and I am 5ft 7. I used to contstantly get negative comments about my weight and it really really upset me. I remember an older fatter woman at work commenting on my flat chest in front of male colleagues, I was mortifield! I was not anorexic just naturally very slim. People would not dream of commenting on fat peoples weight but think its acceptable to comment on thinness. I actually did try a fattening up diet before I got married but it did'nt work, everyone is built differently.

WiiUnfit · 10/04/2011 12:01

Maybe a response along the lines of "this is just my natural body shape / size / weight / build" or "it runs in my family, we're all petite" (if it does, my Great Gran was small, cue lots of little women in my family - generally 5ft - 5ft2) that way no smugness factor & it would hint that you don't particularly want the subject of your weight raised?

LittleJennyRobyn · 10/04/2011 13:01

I sympathise with you, I use to get this all the time. People commenting on my weight, what and how much i eat.
But agree that everyone carries weight differently, i am 5ft and weigh, 6st 12. But by no means skinny. i have boobs, an arse and quite muscley legs.
I have seen girls that look skinnier than me.

I used to be 2 stone heavier before i had my DD and people used to comment on me being chunky/flabby etc. (the weight dropped off after i had her despite being the heavier weight for 4 years)

I also went down to 6st 2lb when i was going through tough time with DH, and i had people telling me blatantly how awful i looked....i remember thinking at the time " yeah ok, i already feel shit about myself and you just made me feel 10 times worse"

You cant win no matter what size you are, some people feel that it's thier right to point it out and say something.

Being small built runs in our family (mum's side) It's the way i am and if people feel the need to comment then thats thier call. I am happy with how i am now and dont listen to anyone now that feels the need to comment.

Adversecamber · 10/04/2011 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xenia · 10/04/2011 13:40

I don't see why people can't use the word fat. Plenty of people who are overweight know they are fat. It's not an abusive term. It's a fact. Just like it's a fact someone has red hair or freckles. In fact it's the censoring of the word fat which lets some people live in cloud cuckoo land thinking they look great when they are very fat.

BringBackGoingForGold · 10/04/2011 13:54

YANBU! I'm quite thin, or lanky anyway (5 foot 10 and 9 stone), and I frequently get comments about my weight. If it were the other way round and I were fat, no one would dare. There's a serious double standard about commenting on thin people's weight and it makes me mad. For example, if I'm at work or somewhere eating a salad/apple/thing considered 'healthy', I get 'Oooh, no wonder you're so skinny if you eat like that.' For one, it's a stupid thing to say; do people really think I eat nothing but apples? I also eat cakes and cheesy meaty lasagnes and hot dogs and stuff, just like everyone else. For two, imagine if I were fat and eating a McDonalds; would ANYONE dare to say 'Ooh, it's no wonder you're a heifer if you eat like that'?

I also hate that the word 'skinny' is used as a compliment (albeit often a rather damning one eg 'God, you're so skinny, it's so unfair' delivered in a rather angry or resentful tone that makes me feel a bit defensive.) One, I'm not skinny, but lanky. Two, it's a horrible word, skinny is not attractive, and I hate that we live in a society where such a word is seriously used as a compliment.

MadamDeathstare · 10/04/2011 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 10/04/2011 14:02

I agree with you. It is very rude. It is every bit as rude as people making comments about larger ladies.

It is also rude to dismiss your feelings on the grounds that you are slim and therefore have no right to be pissed off by people's comments.

People do not have the right to comment on other people's size, be they fat or thin.

biryani · 10/04/2011 14:13

I was eight stone once and skinny (for me!). That was many moons ago. You are an inch shorter than me and a few pounds lighter than me at my lightest ever, so i don't think you are skinny, just petite! If your weight is within the normal range I wouldn't worry what others think. And some people assume that if they see you eating a butty that this is what you eat all the time, but that's probably not true is it??

Emmanana · 10/04/2011 14:17

YANBU
"You could do with feeding up!"

That is incredibly rude. Do with feeding up? So what if you were a little heavier? Would you then conform to their perception of 'acceptabe'?
It shows a complete lack of manners.
The same goes for those who gush at people they are merely aquainted with, who have lost a little weight 'Oh you loook much better' - Oh glad I passed your visual test.
I would never dream of saying to someone 'Would you ever consider plastic surgery as your nose dominates your face' or ooh, you don't seem to have any fruit or veg with your lunch - have you ever thought about eating more healthily?, etc etc

laInfanta · 10/04/2011 16:36

Everyone on here saying 'You wouldn't say that to a fat person' - people do though, it's horrible. I've heard of people shouting at overweight people in the street, things like 'Stop eating you fat bitch' 'Why don't you drop dead, you fat fucking cow' etc. There is so much hostility towards overweight people, and people feel justified in being mean because of the 'obesity crisis' stuff and burdens on the NHS. It's been written about on here. People can be horrible.

So I think I can put up with a bit of 'you're so little' - there is far much more social approval for slim women than larger ones.

colditz · 10/04/2011 16:42

You sound perfectly healthy to me, I'm around the same height as you and i know that the BMI thing allows anywhere between 7st2 and 9st10 for a healthy weight!

BlooferLady · 10/04/2011 16:49

It is taking a great strain on my part not to snarl at you but no, YANBU. They have no right to comment on anyone's appearance, slender or heavy. I mean people don't walk up to the nasally unfortunate and say, "My, what a ginormous conk you have there madam, can I pass you a pamphlet on plastic surgery."

That being said take comfort in the fact that they feel they can say it because you are this century's ideal of health and beauty ...

TheMonster · 10/04/2011 16:55

My heart bleeds.

thaigreencurry · 10/04/2011 17:04

I used to be your height and weight (oh those were the days) and I did experience some bitchy comments. If I ordered dessert I would be asked if I was going to go and puke it up in the loos and if I didn't order dessert people would make comments along the lines of being slim because I starved myself. [hmm[

I'm still trying to shed baby weight and I'm a couple of stones (and some) heavier than I used to be and I get a few comments (although not as many) from people who I think I need to lose weight. Some people are just bitchy and will try to bring you down whatever weight you are.

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