to think that if a mother has had food/weight problems herself then she shouldnt turn a blind eye to her own childs weight problem?

[chunkyjojo]

My SIL, now aged 30, was anorexic in her teens then after having her DD struggled with being overweight for a number of years. She is now a healthy weight and has been for some time. She was widowed 7 years ago and understandably depended on her mother a lot for help with childcare etc, as a result my DN is very close to her gran and spends a lot of time there (a lot of weekends, 3/4 evenings a week).

Problem is SILS mother cooks nothing but processed food, everythng is breaded and fried, usually served with chips and the woman doesnt seem to have heard of vegetables! DN has over the past 3 years put on a lot of weight and there is no sign that SIL is addressing the issue in any way.

She has had a difficult relationship with her mother since childhood and I think doesn't want to rock the boat now they are getting along so much better. AIBU to think she should put her childs health and happiness above fer mothers feeling and stop DN from spending her time there? And is there a tactful way I can raise DNs weight problem with SIL without causing offence?

Thats the thing Tiffany, i really dont want to be interferring or to offend anyone but my heart breaks for her becasue as an adult we all know what other kids can be like and I hate the idea of her confidence being effected

It's nice that you are concerned, but I don't think you should get involved. By letting the child think there is an issue, it will become an issue for her. I speak from experience.

So only one of the children spends that much time with gran? tbh it sounds like a lot, to the point where she's there (or at yours) more than when she's at home

Penguin Yes she spends a lot of time there from what i understand. In the past it was for childcare reasons, its not now but she's close to her gran and loves spending time with her.

As SILs first child DN was sort of the reason SIL and her mother became closer, as i said they'd had a difficult relationship in the past and now i suspect SIL doesnt want to cause upset by reducing the time DN spends there yet it really seems thats where the unhealthy eating habits are coming from

It's still a bit odd that she's the only one, doesn't it set up a weird dynamic between her and the other siblings. Anyway this is not what the thread is about, although maybe indirectly it is. Sounds like it related to other issues and this is merely a byproduct. No idea how to help I'm afraid.

Unfortunately I think there'e very little you can really do here. Maybe you could, without making them appear directed towards her, drop into the conversation comments about how healthier people look when they have fresh vegetables etc, and how less likely they are to be off work (=school) ill.