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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About dd1 and the park? I'm fairly sure I am not.

45 replies

DooinMeCleanin · 09/04/2011 10:19

Dd1 is 7. She will be 8 in December. She is very street smart for her age.

We let her to go the park opposite our house. We can see most of the park, but the swings are obscured from our view by the houses on the other side of the road from us.

The park is visible from all sides by surrounding houses and roads i.e. there are no hidden crannies and abductors could spring out from.

All the children in this area play out from around 5 and upwards and they all look out for each other.

The park is always full of children, parents, dog walkers (who all dd1 as she will talk to anyone. If you own a dog and walk in our park, you will know dd1. She is the blonde girl who has two dogs of her own. You will know her life story, inc. what she is doing in school on Monday )

We can walk to the swings/play area within 60 seconds without having to cross any roads.

My mum is horrified that I let dd1 out alone, because you just never know who is watching. There could paedophiles watching her. SHe is a very attractive little girl and she is blonde so we need to take more care of her (obv. paedophiles don't care for brunettes ).

occasionally dd1 will see her friend's 14 year old sister and her friends and will talk to them. I shouldn't be allowing this either. You hear all the time about 14 year old boys with little girls. They are paedophiles. Especially with the blonde ones.

Anyone could take her and do anything with her.

So AIBU that a) my mother is a nutcase and b) in letting dd1 go to the park alone.

OP posts:

KatieMiddleton · 09/04/2011 10:26

Your mother is a nutcase. Cancel her Daily Mail subscription and find her something else to do with her time.

Yanbu to let your dd go to the park on her own. However, I would be a bit worried if she has no sense of stranger danger and will talk to anyone so you might want to do a bit of work on that.

thumbwitch · 09/04/2011 10:28

YANBU really because there is nothing wrong with what your DD is doing; your mother is being somewhat paranoid but obviously cares. Does she read the Daily Mail, by any chance?

LaWeasel · 09/04/2011 10:29

Some people don't believe in stranger danger, Kate.

LaWeasel · 09/04/2011 10:29

YANBU by the way!

nethunsreject · 09/04/2011 10:29

yanbu

chunkyjojo · 09/04/2011 10:31

1 Your mum is a nutjob!
2 YANBU to allow your DD play in the park, at that age she needs a certain amount of independence. As long as she knows to check in with you regularly, not go anywhere BUT the park and understands stranger danger she's fine.

Hope your mum doesnt talk like that in front of her - there is a balance between ensuring she understands there can be dangers and making her completely paranoid. My nieces aged 8 and 9 often visit me but will insist I watch them until the get back to their mums door which is 10 doors away from me on the same side of the street. They're convinced they'll be snatched otherwise!

borderslass · 09/04/2011 10:33

YANBU both my girls where always out and about when little, tell her that it's a fact that most abusers are known to the family not strangers.

Original poster

DooinMeCleanin · 09/04/2011 10:33

I'm not sure what paper she reads. She reads it work. It does sound very Dail Mail esque. She also believes that Gypsies/Polish women/polka dotted aliens really do wait in the toilets at Asda to snatch little girls, chop off all the hair and walk out with them dressed as a boy

She has stranger danger as in she would never walk off with anyone but she is very friendly and chatty, especially if you have a dog with you. She will want to know all about it and will follow you for ages asking how old it is, what it is called, what breed it is, does it have any friends, what training class do you go to......

She does always ask if she is allowed to go near your dog first. She will leave you alone if you tell her no.

OP posts:

SummerRain · 09/04/2011 10:34

YANBU.... the world's gone mad... when I was her age i was walking to visit my friends in other estates by myself... completely out of my mother's sight and so were all my friends.

Nothing wrong with being careful but curbing a child's development and independence because of the notion that there are paedophiles lurking behind every bush is ridiculous.

KatieMiddleton · 09/04/2011 10:34

I'm not sure I do tbh but a bit of common sense I suppose. Which the op's dd may have in spades but I got the impression she is very trusting of everyone (I could be wrong of course!). I'm trying to remember what it was like being 7 and playing out and I don't think we paid much attention to adults, just the gang of neighbourhood kids.

atswimtwolengths · 09/04/2011 10:35

And there's another thread where a poster's worried about letting a girl of 15 go to the park with her brother...

I think your child is too young, OP, to go to the park alone. I used to take a book and sit and read whilst mine played. I just don't think a 7 year old child should have that responsibility.

atswimtwolengths · 09/04/2011 10:36

For me, it's not the paedophile threat really, it's the threat of other children. If there are no adults present, it can allow others to misbehave, bully etc.

CointreauVersial · 09/04/2011 10:36

YANBU.

DD2 is the same age, and we have a park only 100m away, but I can't see it at all because it is obscured by houses. So I only let her go in the company off DD1, who is 9.

Because paedophiles don't take 9 year-olds, obviously.....

I think the fact that there are always other people in your park, and most of them know her, would give her a lot of protection. I'd let her go, but pop out every few minutes to check on her.

And definitely have the stranger-danger chat so she is clear what she needs to do in the event of a threat.

KatieMiddleton · 09/04/2011 10:36

X-posted with op. Sounds fine to me

LaWeasel · 09/04/2011 10:37

Yes - I guess I will go for a midway when the time comes.

I wasn't allowed to play out at that age for pedo hysteria reasons so it's difficult to know what the right balance is for me.

washnomore · 09/04/2011 10:38

7 is the perfect age to go to the park alone surely? Any younger and she'd be too little, much older and you'd only worry about them drinking White Lightning under the climbing frame

washnomore · 09/04/2011 10:39

When mine are 11 and older there's no way they'll get to go to the park alone. I'll be there, peering over my glasses while pretending to read my book

Newgolddream · 09/04/2011 10:42

Ive been letting my 8 year old DS go to our local park alone for months now, its about 10 minutes from our house so obviously out of sight. Yes its all about weighing up risk etc, but maybe we just live in an area I feel safe to do this, wouldnt criticise otehrs for not but everyone in our are seems to let their kids out. My DS has grown up palying out in the street, the park was just a natural progression for him, he loves the freedom to play and explore with his friends.

@ washnomore

Littlefish · 09/04/2011 10:44

Personally, I think 7 is too young to be playing out alone. Not because of the "paedophile" threat, but because of the possibility of harm through accident/not making sensible choices re. danger etc. this is particularly when there are a group of children.

borderslass · 09/04/2011 10:44

Now that DD2 is 15 she has to ask to go to the park as the one with the skate park is notorious for underage drinkers, local one's ok.
She's a good kid most of the time doesn't really go out much, but is easily led I'm not taking the risk.

thumbwitch · 09/04/2011 10:44

When we were 7 we were out and about at each others' houses, sitting on a bench on a street corner where we played together, going to the park which was about 5mins away. Wouldn't have been allowed to do it younger, but by 7 it was ok.

Newgolddream · 09/04/2011 10:44

Oh and yes OP your Mum sounds a tad loony over vigilant.

heliumballoons · 09/04/2011 10:45

DS 6.8 goes over the road to the park alone - but I can see all of it from 3 rooms in my house and only allowed when theres lots of children there. (usually about 20 children in the evenings/ weekends) And also only when theres older child there who I know and know me - they don't watch DS as such but I know that if a child hurts themselves they have gone over and sorted it so he would help should he need it.

EllAEllO · 09/04/2011 10:48

Your DD sounds lovely Dooin, and YANBU for letting her go to the park on her own but...
"She will want to know all about it and will follow you for ages asking how old it is, what it is called, what breed it is, does it have any friends, what training class do you go to...... " is a little bit worrying and should maybe be discouraged.

I don't think there's peeeeedos on every corner, but I really wouldn't like my DD to be following adults. All to easy for one to offer to 'show her the dogs friends' or training classes it goes to.

EllAEllO · 09/04/2011 10:51

Oops sorry, just spotted you said she has stranger danger and would not go off with anyone.
Ignore me!

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