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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel gutted at the lack of attention from my sister and her family for my ds

34 replies

tevion · 08/04/2011 22:00

Ds is now ten and I have become increasingly annoyed with my older sister and her grown up children the much older cousins of ds.
Of course they have all their own children now and my sister and all her family throw lots of attention on these children who are now integrated into our family.
My sister goes on holiday brings all the children gifts back my ds gets nothing its the same with ds's older cousins they go out to the zoo etc ds never gets asked along anywhere or myself.
I realise that these children are my sisters grandchildren and I do not blame her for lavishing attnetion on them at all but I am talking of a complete lack of any thought for ds at all.
Ds has picked up on this on the rare occasions we have been out together when the younger ones are having stuff bought for them and ds gets zilch my mom who has been along at the time has bought for him so he hasnt felt left out.
My mom has mentioned to them all about this and they have acknowledged her thoughts but it still goes on.
The other kids get loads spent on them at christmas etc but ds is lucky to get a tenner spent on him and its his birthday as well a special time for him.
My sisters house is plastered with pictures of the grandchildren but none of my ds.
I suspect I will get a slating on here for this but I just can,t help feeling like this at all and am getting increasingly annoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:04

.

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 08/04/2011 22:06

ok, i can understand you feel your ds is left out, but i think that is because you are his parent tbh, i dont see why you expect your sister to pay him as much attention hes only her nephew whereas the others are her grandchildren, it is hard to sit back and watch others getting more attention than your own child but its up to you to make your child happy/buy him things/take him places, not someone else. sorry but yabu

SarkyLady · 08/04/2011 22:07

I don't understand.

You are cross because someone pays more attention to her grandchildren than to her nephew?

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:07

thats what I suspected but I still feel put out about it all

OP posts:
surelynotnormal · 08/04/2011 22:07

Weird situation by the sound of it.

I can see why she does see her grandchildren in a different way to her nephew. The best thing you can do is maybe not make an issue of it for him?

I'm a bit lost about the situation where you say things are being splashed around - aren't you there then to do that for him too?

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/04/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 08/04/2011 22:07

I think it's only natural that she lavishes attention and gifts on her own children and grand children and that you do the same for yours.

Nothing odd about that at all in my book.

Do you buy her children and grandchildren much?

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:11

her children yes but as I said they are all grown up so I buy them at christmas birthdays etc.
only buy her grandchildren at birthdays christmas.
I can,t see me forgetting I have a young nephew even with a load of grandchildren but then thats me.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 08/04/2011 22:11

You're upset because your sister spends more money and time on her grandchildren than her nephew? Confused

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:14

Oh yes I am there and I have bought for him myself.
The problem is that gifts have been handed out to these children in front of ds and ds has asked if he has anything when he hasn,t. my sister will then quickly find him a packet of sweets or something she has in the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:16

thats sums it up Baroness yes sounds crazy I know but I can,t help it.

OP posts:
hairylights · 08/04/2011 22:17

Yabvu and frankly a bit odd.

surelynotnormal · 08/04/2011 22:18

So she spends a tenner on him, and gives him sweets.

But that's not enough?

Confused
worraliberty · 08/04/2011 22:20

Ok I don't agree with the handing out of presents in front of your son...that could and should be avoided (unless it's a birthday)

But other than that, I see nothing wrong at all.

I only buy for my Nephews and Nieces at xmas and birthdays...and even then, it's just a fairly small token.

onepieceoflollipop · 08/04/2011 22:20

I think that at 10 years old he is old enough to understand that sometimes other children in the family will receive presents and he won't (for various reasons).

Having said that perhaps your sister is a bit insensitive making a big deal of giving the gcs presents after a trip out and nothing for your son, but you can easily prepare him for that.

tallulahxhunny · 08/04/2011 22:21

i think you are taking it too personal tbh, i couldnt stand back and watch my kids be treated differently either but thats isnt really whats happening, shes not doing it to be nasty , she just isnt thinking , and you are thinking too much x

Morloth · 08/04/2011 22:21

I think it is your mother's responsibility to be a good grandparent to your DS not your sister's.

Of course she cares more about her children and grandchildren. I care way more about my two DSs then I do about any of my nieces, they have their own parents.

bubblecoral · 08/04/2011 22:21

I understand why you feel put out, because they are all basically children of the same age. But the point about some being her grandchildren and one being her nephew is a very big point.

Maybe she feels that her children didn't miss out from not having attention lavished on them by their Aunt, presumably you were too young when they were children, so she doesn't feel your son is missing out either.

It is understandable that she would want to be able to go out on trips with her children and grandchildren, and she shouldn't be obliged to share all of these trips with you just because you have a child of a simelar age.

As long as your ds has a granny that loves him equally to all her other grandchildren and great grandchildren, you can't really complain.

Needanewname · 08/04/2011 22:23

I think you know YABU.

These are her granchildren, your son isn't. However I do think its worthwhile asking her to be aware of how your son feels when he sees gifts being given and he doesn't get anything (assuming here that all children involved are the same age) whilst pointing out that you are not expecting her to get him something, he fels as though he has done something wrong, but you also need to talk to your son and explain the difference.

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:26

well my mom is elderly so It hasn,t been the same for ds as if she had of been a young nan

OP posts:
FudgeGirl · 08/04/2011 22:26

I'm trying to fit this scenario into my family.

So if my brother took his little girl round to see our mum (her grandma) for Christmas (or at any time really) my mum would spoil her rotten, shower her with gifts - she's her only grandchild.

If her niece and nephew were there (mum's brother's children), yes, they'd probably get a tenner in a card and a few small gifts for Christmas.

If Mum had been out somewhere, no doubt she'd buy treats for her grandchild, but probably not for her niece/nephew. Her grandchild is going to be the spoiled one, every time.

Sorry but YABVU. Fair enough if a grandma was treating different sets of grandkids differently, but you can't really compare your sibling's children with your own grandchildren.

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:28

ds seems to be getting a bit jealous as well which isn,t helping matters

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 08/04/2011 22:29

Sorry, but I think you're being ridiculous.

bubblecoral · 08/04/2011 22:33

If your ds is getting jealous you either need to remove him from these situations as far as possible, or explain to him that he has his own nan to treat him. Does he have a Nan on his Dad's side?

Do you treat her grandchildren exactly the same as you do your son when you are around them?

Original poster
tevion · 08/04/2011 22:35

yes I do like her grandchildren have the youngest around to play once in a while

OP posts: