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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over protective?

89 replies

alwaysaskingquestions · 08/04/2011 18:12

Would you allow a 15 year old girl to take their 7 year old brother to the end of the road to play on the beach alone?

Would you allow the same two children to go to the park at the end of the road alone?

If not why not? Age of girl, age of boy, or the two? If not when would you?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 08/04/2011 18:59

Why on earth would Social Services get involved? Honestly, that's just crazy! Even if your daughter looked like she was 12, they wouldn't get involved.

Your daughter is legally allowed to be married when she's 16!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/04/2011 18:59

I think the op is concerned that if anything were to happen she'd be blamed ??

But no, I wouldn't worry at 15 and 8

Bohica · 08/04/2011 18:59

Yes I would let them go out alone togeather. The 15y old who lives opposite us will sometimes knock for my 9 & 7y olds & take them to the park, I don't let DD3 3y go with them as I think that would be to much responsibility.

I'm the only one in our street that lets my elder 2 play outside the front of my house which is a bit sad because they would have great fun all playing out front togeather.

SardineQueen · 08/04/2011 18:59

There have been a few stories where SS have got involved over things which I would have thought were quite normal things to happen, so I think the OPs concerns are understandable - although it is a shame that it is understandable to have that concern IYSWIM.

IMO the scenario suggested sounds fine.

Original poster
alwaysaskingquestions · 08/04/2011 19:00

I don't think SS are watching them, I live in an area that has a high elderly population, that do like a fair amount of nettwitching - and my fear is that if they saw my two children out on the beach, and realise that there is no adult with them, that they would report the children.

I would imagine that any calls of this nature would have to be followed up, and if they were I feared that SS/Police would be like 'how irresponsible can you be letting those two out alone'.

But maybe as my daughter tells me my imagination runs wild, and they'd take one look at them, ask my dc their age, and be like 'on your way then'.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 08/04/2011 19:08

I never know why people are so scared of SS. Not only should you let them-it is good for them. The 15yr old will be in adult in less than 36 months and needs a bit of responsibility before they are able (if money) to get on a plane to Thailand on their own!!

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 08/04/2011 19:12

Also, I don't think the nettwitching elderlies will report you!

Two reasons;

  1. They would find it very difficult to gauge how old your DD actually is.
  1. Even if they knew she was 15, they would relate that to themselves (or people they knew from that era) leaving school at 14 or 15 to start work . I really don't think that they would think she was an irresponsible child.
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/04/2011 19:12

T'is worrying. My niece is 12 and has never used public transport in any way, shape or form.(except when they fly obv) She has never been out without her parents, not even to the shop. Gawd only knows what's going to happen when she starts venturing out alone. She'll be clueless !!

InMyPrime · 08/04/2011 19:12

Unless your daughter looks very young for her age why would anyone call social services? Worst case scenario if they saw that your children were at risk e.g. swimming or wandering off etc, then they'd most likely just call the police / lifeguard or go and help the kids themselves.

I would have thought that old people would be least likely to call SS anyway as in their day many 15 year girls would have been out of school, working full-time and probably close to being ready to get married. Even 7 year old kids back then often just roamed around on their own with friends etc. My father (72) talks about being let out by his mother all day to play with friends and his brothers around the countryside and just run wild. You seem a little paranoid if you don't mind me saying!

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 08/04/2011 19:14

x post with Inmyprime!

Original poster
alwaysaskingquestions · 08/04/2011 19:18

It's the two of them together that was my concern.

My daughter goes to park/beach by herself or to meet friends. She gets the train and bus to school every day. And she goes off to the shops by herself.

She does look young (12/13) but her brother looks old (9/10). So together it does only look max 4 years between them. (This gets commented on alot as people are surprised there is such a gap between them).

OP posts:
YouaretooniceNOT · 08/04/2011 19:21

Have they gone yet? SS will not take them into care. You are a good Mother? Yes? You'll be fine..let them be free.

gkys · 08/04/2011 19:22

no sorry but i wouldn't, 15, yes shes old enough but imo its unfair for her to have the responsibility

YouaretooniceNOT · 08/04/2011 19:22

Have SS been involved with your family before?

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 08/04/2011 19:24

You could start it in a staggered way. Let them go off to the beach/park, than you agree to meet them there 30 minutes later. See how it goes. If it's fine, then stretch out the time, or just check in with each other on mobiles.

Maryz · 08/04/2011 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atswimtwolengths · 08/04/2011 19:26

I don't understand why you ask about them going to the park together.

Are the children in the park always accompanied by their parents, even when they are at senior school? Surely not!

SardineQueen · 08/04/2011 19:28

I don't think the OP is worried about whether the children will be OK - she is confident they will be fine. She is worried about possible repercussions. Personally I think she should bite the bullet and go for it - but I can understand her apprehensions.

activate · 08/04/2011 19:28

shocked that this would even be questioned

yes I would

absolutely I would

15 fgs - I had 2 jobs at 15 (saturday and sunday)

YouaretooniceNOT · 08/04/2011 19:31

Slightlyreluctantexpat - is right IMO. Tell them to report to you every 30 minutes for the first hour at least via phonecall then via text.

Wonders if OP has gone with them

gordyslovesheep · 08/04/2011 19:32

My 8 and 6 year olds play out all day - they have a big gang of mates here and are in and out of each others gardens and playing on the green - they love it - sometimes I do get a bit worried but they would hate being forced to stay in the garden

seeker · 08/04/2011 19:42

My dd and ds have been going out together, sometimes on complicated journeys by public transport since they were 13 and 8.

gkys - I suspect you haven;t got a 15 year old. Whern they are younger, you just can;t imagine them older. But 15 is more than old enough to take responsibility for a younger sibling.

TheGrimSweeper · 08/04/2011 19:47

Would definitely allow this, at 15 and 7 they will be just fine and I would be surprised if you had any Hmm from people.

Original poster
alwaysaskingquestions · 08/04/2011 19:47

No no contact with SS at all. Kids haven't gone down this evening. They are currently playing out in the garden.

But they are both looking forward to going tomorrow.

The beach doesn't have a lifeguard, but does have people walking along the promenade, and is sand beach, and is a gradual slope in water, has no nasty currents, and is on the English Channel, so no big waves.

OP posts:
Slightlyreluctantexpat · 08/04/2011 19:53

Give it a go tomorrow, OP, and let us know how it went please.