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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Adults offering alcohol to my 11 year old

39 replies

LindaEvens · 07/04/2011 21:51

My daughter is 11.

A few weeks ago while at a neighbour she pulled out a orange flavoured alcoholic drink she brought home from Greece poured me a glass, herself and one for my daughter she was surprised when I objected.

last week we went on holiday with some friends. We were staying in a self catering apartments and one day decided to make dinner at home. Our friends offered my daughter alcohol, I said no. I was shocked how much their daughters aged 13 and 15 drank.

Bringing it up with other parents most seem it is no big deal.

curious at what age do parents allow drinking

OP posts:

Bringonthegoat · 07/04/2011 21:55

DD is only 18mo so probably a bit young

I think I will take a strictish approach to alcohol tbh. XH let DSD have a few little sips of his beer from about 3 or 4 - never sat right with me. I just don;t see the point in DC drinking.

activate · 07/04/2011 22:00

it's illegal to give a child under 5 alcohol

Chocolocolate · 07/04/2011 22:03

When I was a child, from about 4yo, I had a very small glass of wine when the adults did.

I drank quite a lot as a teenager but the novelty wore off very quickly for me and by the time I went to uni I hardly drank.

Nowadays (when I'm not pregnant as I am right now), I only have the odd small glass with food.

I know most people won't agree with me but I think the fact that I was given a small glass as a child and it wasn't a big deal, meant I wasn't like some of my friends who all went a bit mad when they were finally able to drink the forbidden liquid!

Saying that, I'm not sure what we'll do with our DCs - this is our first.

Chocolocolate · 07/04/2011 22:04

Oh, but YANBU.

Adults should ask you privately first, not in front of your DD - it's entirely your choice.

maypole1 · 07/04/2011 22:05

No it's not a big deal if an I say if it's your own child YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER OFFER ANYONE ELESE CHILD ACHOL OR FAGS

Bringonthegoat · 07/04/2011 22:07

Being illegal doesn't stop some things from happening .

I was allowed a little drink from very young. It did not have the same effect on me. Having said that alcohol was a big deal in our lives so I think parents attitudes to it have a bearing.

mrswarthog · 07/04/2011 22:09

It's not illegal to give a child under five alcohol, its a child over five. And children over 14 can drink alcohol on licensed premises if they are a) eating a main meal and b) someone over 18 bought it for them.

caffinequeen · 07/04/2011 22:09

Like chocolate, I was allowed alcohol on occasion (small glass wine with Sunday lunch etc), don't remember how young I was, but certainly before 11. At 17 I was about the only one of my friends who would go to the pub and stay on the cokes because I wasn't fussed.

I will probably do the same with DDs when they are older, I would rather them try wine & lemonade at home with me than be drinking white lightning in the park.

JennyPiccolo · 07/04/2011 22:12

some of my best times were drinking white lightning in a park.

YANBU, nobody has the right to give your child booze, it's different if you'd decided to let her have a taste yourself.

caffinequeen · 07/04/2011 22:13

Oops meant to add, I wouldn't offer to another DC unless I knew their parents were ok with it though.

SandStorm · 07/04/2011 22:16

If someone offered it to my dd I would be but I know for a fact she would refuse as we've let her try it in the past and all she does is pull a face and spit it out!

I would never offer it to a child without their parent's explicit consent.

Gettinthehangofthisatlast · 07/04/2011 22:17

err, MrsWarthog, I believe it IS illegal to give a child under 5 alcohol. Children over 5 can be given alcohol by their parents, in their home (as I remember it).

For over 14s, I think you're right there about the alcohol with meals, unless that has changed in the last few years.

Like some of you others, I was allowed small amounts, usually with food by my parents (who are not huge drinkers, but enjoy the odd glass). It was never made a big fuss of, and mostly I didn't like the taste until at least 16 or so. I drank quite a bit as a student, but nothing like one of my friends who, having been banned from alcohol until 18 made up for lost time once she had her freedom as a student...

We let my SSs (11 and 15) have tastes if they want to. they mostly decline, but we'd rather they tried it in a safe environment: at home, with us.
OP - definitely would be offended if they offered alcohol by another adult without that adult checking with us first...

maypole1 · 07/04/2011 22:18

But what your not all getting is its not their child

If were you I wouldn't let them babysit for you do what you like with your own children but are you all really telling me if you gave a friends child a glass of wine without their consent you wouldn't understand why they would be mad

I myself haven't a issue with my lo having a sip of beetle but I don't want anyone else giving lo a drink

MCos · 07/04/2011 22:22

11 is too young! I wouldn't offer alcohol to any minor without checking with parents first. And that would be for the 16-17 age group.

I wouldn't have a problem with a parent offering a sm. glass of alchol to an older teenager - but I'm thinking 15+?

mrswarthog · 07/04/2011 22:24

No shockingly I think its expected that only eejits would give their kids alcohol under 5 so its not enshrined in law. The over 5 to 14 bit is in (english) licensing law. I think its entirely at parental discretion btw, but mums should get vouchers.

borderslass · 07/04/2011 22:29

the law on alcohol and minors I would never offer anyone elses child alcohol I had some from 12 onwards but under parental supervision my eldest was allowed from 14.

bonkers20 · 07/04/2011 22:30

It's a big deal to me (alcohol abuse in the family) and I would hit the roof if someone offered my 12 YO DS alcohol. How dare they!
My DS has had sips of various beverages when he's asked. He is being taught sensible drinking habits by seeing us in the home and will try proper drink (if he's interested) when he's older....certainly won't be sweet, fruit flavoured ones but proper drinks (either shandy or wine with soda) so he understands what it tastes like.

scottishmummy · 07/04/2011 22:35

alcohol at 11yo certainly not

Sirzy · 07/04/2011 22:39

I agree with the view that a little bit of a taste can be good for a child in the long run and alcohol shouldn't be the forbidden fruit.

That said, if another adult is giving it then it should always be with the consent of parents

Original poster

LindaEvens · 07/04/2011 22:41

But should I relax and allow her to have a drink.

OP posts:

MixedClassBaby · 07/04/2011 22:52

I was given alcohol as a child from as young as I can remember and was encouraged to enjoy it. Alcohol played a big part in my parents' lives. I'm now a pisshead as an adult and have to try hard to keep it in check at times so do not agree that early exposure is necessarily a good idea.

Gettinthehangofthisatlast · 07/04/2011 23:17

Well, Linda, i think only you, as the parent(s) can decide that. Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of her trying drinks at all, or was it the other adults doing it so casually that made you upset?

If you have drinks at home, you could consider if there are some occassions when you might let her have a taste e.g at a special meal if there's some wine going round. In my opinion, this could be better than an outright ban, but 11 is still very young and I don't think it would be at all unreasonable if you said 'I might let her try a little at home, but not for a few years yet.'

At 11, your daughter still needs you to set boundaries and show her what is reasonable, as well as modelling healthy behaviour. By 16 at least, i would think, she will start to be subject to some peer pressure on this, so I'd think about it by then.

Any help?

lili2010 · 07/04/2011 23:25

It was inappropriate.

CotswoldCountryMummy · 07/04/2011 23:38

she shouldn't have done that, i wouldn't dream of it. But i dont think she meant to make trouble.
Gettinginthehangofthis hits the nail on the head.
I was allowed a (small) glass of wine at a family meal (not every night of course, special occasions), from the age of 12.
And i was permitted a glass of sherry on Christmas Eve. Tbh, half the time i didn't drink the wine, but it was the ceremonious aspect of it, and being taugh to drink responsibly. As i grew up, i wasn't inclined to raid the drinks cabinet when the parents were out, because the taboo had been removed when i was younger. On the other hand, those of my friends who hadn't been permitted to drink, were the ones smuggling alcohol into their school boarding house and getting dangerously drink. Vivid recollection of an ambulance turning up at 3am to take a 15 year old to have her stomach pumped. Not nice.

GiddyPickle · 07/04/2011 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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