Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to raise concerns over wedding seating plan?

45 replies

RoseC · 07/04/2011 16:58

A friend is getting married in September. She's been planning this for years so is, understandably, a bit Bridezilla about the whole thing. We used to be exceptionally close but have drifted apart over the last couple of years. Her fiancé is fantastic and we all meet up whenever I go home.

The last time we met she was telling me about her seating plan - with him present - and mentioned that, because her French penpal is attending and doesn't speak very good English, she has put everyone who speaks some French on the same table. Unfortunately this includes one of her fiancé's close friends who I dated for about two weeks before he dumped me because I didn't attend private school and wasn't in the same socio-ec group as me (yup, that was the reason he gave me ). I know it's childish and it happened when he was heading off to Oxford (we were 18) so more than five years have passed since.

I don't have any romantic feelings for him any more and am happily settled with my DP, who will be attending and knows about this guy. On the other hand I really don't want to sit next to someone who hurt me so much (at the time) and I'm a little stunned that this friend, who had the full blast of the fallout, could do it. I really don't want to sit on a small table (it's six people) and make polite conversation with someone who thinks I'm not as good as they are because of where I come from. He speaks fluent French - so would be a better choice to sit there - but then I'm the closest female friend of the bride at the table so she's put me there to make this girl feel welcome (they've been friends since the age of 14).

Basically, AIBU? If I raise it with her then I need to do so extremely tactfully - I'd have said something at the time but her DP was present and is extremely uncomfortable about the way this guy behaved. She's also emotionally touchy so I don't want to upset her. On the other hand it's her wedding day and she's waited a long time... maybe I should just suck it up?

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 07/04/2011 17:01

Well, you only dated him for 2 wks 5 years ago, so I would just move on and use it as an opportunity to look fab.

AMumInScotland · 07/04/2011 17:02

Sorry but I think YABU - seating plans are a total nightmare to sort out, and if you tried to separate everyone for things like "we went out together for 2 weeks and he upset me" is hardly at the top of the priority list. Why not take it as an opportunity to show him how happy you are with your lovely life, and hope that he's grown up a bit.

millie30 · 07/04/2011 17:02

I think you have to just suck it up. In a way she's complimented you by trusting you to make her penpal feel welcome, and she has also tried to consider her penpal's needs and arrange the seating accordingly. Is it not possible that the man in question could have grown up alot by now and be embarassed by his past behaviour?

marmaladetwatkins · 07/04/2011 17:03

If you'd been married to him for ten years I'd say YANBU but seriously, two weeks five years ago? I'd just deal with it.

LilRedWG · 07/04/2011 17:05

I think you should suck it up I'm afraid. Sit there looking fabuous and knowing that he is a prize prat. Have a lovely time. (for what it is worth - I went out with one like him for a few months and would know how much comments like that can knock your confidence).

PaisleyLeaf · 07/04/2011 17:06

"the full blast of the fallout"

that must have been some fortnight!

nobodyimportant · 07/04/2011 17:07

Suck it up I'm afraid, but do make sure you look fabulous .

toffeepud · 07/04/2011 17:09

Totally agree with LilRedWG - deal with it and use it as an opportunity to make him realise the massive tit he clearly is!

Look fab, have great fun and maybe it'll help restore some of the damage from your fall out

Also - your friend will owe you one for your big day too then - stick her with the oldies for payback if necessary!! Tee Hee...

ExitPursuedByALamb · 07/04/2011 17:10

Don't let the bastard get to you. Spend the next few weeks thinking up fabulously witty things to say. Or pretend you don't remember him?

Adversecamber · 07/04/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 07/04/2011 17:13

YABU. It's a right bugger doing seating plans, so just grin and bear it. The meal only lasts a couple of hours at most anyway. And there will very likely be to oil the wheels.

Seriously, I think it would be a bit childish to say anything.

Original poster

RoseC · 07/04/2011 17:13

Thanks for your comments... I posted because it's not something I can really discuss IRL. Normally I wouldn't have a problem (hell, I'm good friends with an ex I dated for two years who cheated on me with his BF :o) it was the fact that I'd known this guy for two years prior and his ridiculous dumping excuse. Anything in that line just makes me hopping mad

@Paisley... he was the first guy I'd dated in a year and I'd known (and liked) him for a long time. Plus his really shitty answer that I wasn't from the 'right' background. My poor friend got a full floodworks phone call as he left me in the street and, since she wanted us to date, tried to patch it up... it was horribly embarrassing.

OP posts:

yousankmybattleship · 07/04/2011 17:18

Get over yourself. He probably won't even remember you dated! Don't make your friend's seating plan more complicated - just be a good friend and support her.

MrSpoc · 07/04/2011 17:21

Ha ha are you serious. Your were 18 and with him for 2 weeks. Hardly the love of your life. Are you not remotley curious to find out how NOT succesful he has become? (Prats like him generaly tend to fall flat on their arses).

fedupofnamechanging · 07/04/2011 17:31

I slightly disagree with everyone else. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him either - I wouldn't want to have to be polite to such a prick and you will have to be because, even if it wasn't your friends wedding, being polite is the classy thing to do.

I think I would ask her if it would completely mess up her seating plan if you sat elsewhere. If it is problematic then I agree that you will have to put up with it, but there might be an option which isn't too difficult. If you don't ask, you'll never know. Just do it gently, without pressure on the bride. Tbh though, in her shoes, I'd not have sat you together. Where is your DP sitting?

grovel · 07/04/2011 17:33

For God's sake hold your knife and fork properly and don't drop your aitches - you don't want to prove him right.

fedupofnamechanging · 07/04/2011 17:38

Oh and don't try to ease the tension by getting drunk.

blondebutonlyfaking · 07/04/2011 17:40

"Oh my god you've aged"

And smile

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2011 17:41

I wouldn't want to sit with him either, but it would be a good opportunity to show him how happy you are :)

pinkyonthebeach · 07/04/2011 17:41

Be brave you can do it.

Look fab and be fab, have a great time.
Pity the fool that gave you up!

You wont need to talk to him much unless he is right by your side. When the meal is up you can steer clear.
Train your brain NOW to enjoy the day with your DP and for your friend the bride!

Simply do not think about this prize prat ANYMORE. Everytime he pops into your brain - think about making it a great day instead.

foreverondiet · 07/04/2011 17:45

Just make sure you aren't sitting beside him (go to the table early and move around the name cards if necessary) as the others said it was only 2 weeks and several years ago.

cat64 · 07/04/2011 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/04/2011 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieMiddleton · 07/04/2011 17:51

The guy was not even grown up yet! Most men don't mature until 26+ ime so yabu to hold it against him now. People mature and change and I expect he has and you both have.

Yabu to be considering asking the whole seating plan to be change over a short-lived teenage fling.

KatieMiddleton · 07/04/2011 17:52

Apologies for typos Am on iPhone with sausage fingers

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread