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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to raise concerns over wedding seating plan?

45 replies

RoseC · 07/04/2011 16:58

A friend is getting married in September. She's been planning this for years so is, understandably, a bit Bridezilla about the whole thing. We used to be exceptionally close but have drifted apart over the last couple of years. Her fiancé is fantastic and we all meet up whenever I go home.

The last time we met she was telling me about her seating plan - with him present - and mentioned that, because her French penpal is attending and doesn't speak very good English, she has put everyone who speaks some French on the same table. Unfortunately this includes one of her fiancé's close friends who I dated for about two weeks before he dumped me because I didn't attend private school and wasn't in the same socio-ec group as me (yup, that was the reason he gave me ). I know it's childish and it happened when he was heading off to Oxford (we were 18) so more than five years have passed since.

I don't have any romantic feelings for him any more and am happily settled with my DP, who will be attending and knows about this guy. On the other hand I really don't want to sit next to someone who hurt me so much (at the time) and I'm a little stunned that this friend, who had the full blast of the fallout, could do it. I really don't want to sit on a small table (it's six people) and make polite conversation with someone who thinks I'm not as good as they are because of where I come from. He speaks fluent French - so would be a better choice to sit there - but then I'm the closest female friend of the bride at the table so she's put me there to make this girl feel welcome (they've been friends since the age of 14).

Basically, AIBU? If I raise it with her then I need to do so extremely tactfully - I'd have said something at the time but her DP was present and is extremely uncomfortable about the way this guy behaved. She's also emotionally touchy so I don't want to upset her. On the other hand it's her wedding day and she's waited a long time... maybe I should just suck it up?

OP posts:

sue52 · 07/04/2011 17:56

What cat64 said. Don't let something that happened so long ago mess up your friends wedding. The man in question will probably be more uncomfortable than you as he is now old enough to realise what a stuck up obnoxious pig he was in his younger days.

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 07/04/2011 17:58

I think if she had to consider every small thing like this when organising her seating plan, it would take another 6 years to do. Just go along with it, you're a grown up aren't you?

Original poster

RoseC · 07/04/2011 18:07

DP is sitting next to me and I'm not getting drunk - I've worked as a wedding caterer for too long to let that happen (and am well aware of how horrid seating plans are - otherwise I wouldn't have been erring on the side of not asking her)!

In all of this I'd been forgetting how fabulous my DP is and if that idiot wants to boast about going to Oxford and Law School (we've met since thanks to these mutual friends - it wasn't great) I can raise him a DP with better qualifications, both professionally and personally. Tbh, DP would probably not hesitate in telling him where to get off.

It's the fact that he hasn't changed (see above) that made me reluctant but you're right. I'm an adult and should be grateful I'm not going alone.

OP posts:

Original poster

RoseC · 07/04/2011 18:09

*Not saying DP would pick a fight, just mean that he's had vast experience dealing with idiots and is great at shutting people up.

OP posts:

JaneS · 07/04/2011 18:10

In an evil way, I suspect it might turn out quite fun for you. If this guy is still so boastful, he will look a total cock and it's always slightly amusing watching someone who's treated you badly looking a fool. You are your DP can always smirk at each other whenever he mentions Law School ...

PaperView · 07/04/2011 18:10

I have had viruses that have lasted longer than that relationship. YABU.

Rhinestone · 07/04/2011 18:13

You are making this big a deal over a two-week thing (it doesn't even qualify as a relationship, sorry) which occurred 5 years ago when you were 18? And you're calling your friend a bridezilla?

I respectfully suggest that you're a bit of a bunny-boiler.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/04/2011 18:21

I see you realise that it would be ridiculous to say anything.
Rise above it and be very superior, can you forget his name?

Original poster

RoseC · 07/04/2011 18:21

I respectfully suggest that you've missed the point. I'm not such a fragile little flower that I can't take being dumped or, indeed, dating someone who's a bit of a shit.

I do however, like most sane people, dislike enforced contact with someone who thinks I'm a lesser human being than they are because of my childhood education and my parents' jobs. As LittleRedDragon suggested I can just sit there and let him look like a total cock; in the desire not to spend time with him I'd forgotten how awful he must appear to others.

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KatieMiddleton · 07/04/2011 18:23

From what you've added it sounds like you have a huge chip on your shoulder about his education. Not very attractive.

Rhinestone · 07/04/2011 18:27

Seriously, loosen up! Be friendly, say how nice it is to see him again and introduce him to your DP. And if he mentions your two-week thing then for goodness sake play it down. If you give the impression that you're harbouring any resentment after FIVE YEARS then he'll just think you're an utter loon!

Original poster

RoseC · 07/04/2011 18:28

I have a chip on my shoulder that he thinks it's okay to differentiate between people like that. My friend's DP and all his friends (we were friends in a large group) all went to the same school as this guy and he was only one of two with that attitude (the other joined the BNP when he left school so he's safely a loony anyway). My friend's DP is the most gentlemanly gentleman I've ever met. I just hate that snobbish attitude - nothing makes me more unreasonable so quickly.

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MillsAndDoom · 07/04/2011 18:31

Well I wouldn't want sit next to anyone that behaved like a knob-end, but at a wedding it's very much the luck of the draw - there's no guarantee that you wouldn't be sat next to a total bore / mysogynist / racist etc etc if you sat elsewhere.

Go along, look fab, pretend you don't know him, then do as blonde says and say "You've aged", then roll your eyes at every point he makes if you want to exact your revenge

Becaroooo · 07/04/2011 18:31

YABU.

Make him rue ever dumping you!!!! Most people never get that chance!

(He sounds like a complete turd btw)

Enjoy the day...the meal is, what? 2 hours max

clam · 07/04/2011 18:34

Or you could remind him of it? "Oh, I remember you. You dumped me because you said I was the wrong social class."
Watch him squirm! Most 18 year olds have foot-in-mouth syndrome so, if he ever even thinks about it, he probably cringes himself. This is an opportunity to bury the hatchet.

ChristinedePizan · 07/04/2011 18:35

Are you actually sitting next to the twat or just on the same table? He may have changed and realised what a dick he was when he was 18. He may apologise profusely. Whatever you do, don't mention it to her

bemybebe · 07/04/2011 18:37

YABU. Sorry. Move on.

lifechanger · 07/04/2011 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 07/04/2011 19:36

Can we assume he is a Harrovian?

IWantAnotherBaby · 07/04/2011 19:44

I'd pretend not to recognise him at all; act like total strangers. Useful because it will put him in his place (he'll realise he is not remotely important to you), and he (hopefully) won't be crass enough to bring up the whole dating thing. I did that to an ex once; he had been a total twunt and dumped me in a particularly snidey way. I took a great deal of pleaseure from seeing the deflated look on his stupid self-important face when he had to (re)introduce himself (He said "Hi, how are you? Long time no see!". I said "Oh, were you at so-and-so's wedding? [about 6 months previously]". He said "No, it's ME...?"... etc).

Childish I know, but SOOO much fun.

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