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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much info to give curious 3rd old about babies.

29 replies

LUCIA22 · 07/04/2011 07:59

My dd is nearly 4 and has started asking questions about where babies come from. She has a 2yr old brother so knows that babies grow in mummy's tummy. When she recently asked how they get there we told her that daddy put it there. Now she has asked how he puts it there. We are in favour of honesty but not sure how much info is appropriate for her age. She has also just found a tampon and asked me what it's for. Does anyone know of a book I can refer to as and when she asks or any ideas how to word my answers.

OP posts:

ladysybil · 07/04/2011 08:01

i went with the option of saying that God puts the baby in the mummys tummy at that age. and stuck with c sections too.

i wouldnt tell her what tampons are, as she is likely to try and use them on herself. Ive got no idea how to explain that, as has never come up with my three yet.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 08:10

blimey ladysybil, did your DC fall for that?
OP, I initially told DD that tampons were what DH put up his bottom, I've no idea why. I did tell her what they were for when she was about four and she's never tried to use them herself.
I just explained that in my tummy there was a special place where babies grow, in order to be comfortable they need a lovely soft mattress which, if it isn't used gets thrown out.
As for the reproductive bits, I told her the truth and she looked a bit disgusted.
She is nearly 10 now and doesn't seem to have been too traumatised by it, just be honest and matter of fact and tailor the words you use to their age and understanding.

kaj32 · 07/04/2011 08:12

My SIL told my DN that daddy put a magic seed in mummy's tummy then a baby grew. Mummy goes to hospital for the doctor to help get the baby out.

Tampons where explained as a mummy bandage.

My DN did ask if he could watch a baby being made though!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2011 08:14

I'd just go with Daddy plants a special seed in mummy's tummy and then mummy provides all the food that the seed needs to grow up into a baby.

At that age, I'd think that plants are the closest metaphor a child will understand.

Also not sure on tampons, only because I don't know if the 'blood' thing would freak out a four year old.

colditz · 07/04/2011 08:15

I just told mine the truth.

Ds1 nodded and accepted this.

ds2 digested this for a moment, then exclaimed "You're lying! Babies come from hospitals, don't you know that?"

SardineQueen · 07/04/2011 08:25

Kreecher loving your tampon explanation! Poor old DH...

OP the babies thing hasn't come up yet but I was honest about the periods, that it's so mummies can have babies and it happens when you're a big grown up and it's only a bit of blood and it doesn't hurt but you need something to catch it. This was when she was about 2 and she didn't seem worried or ask me about it again. Mind you I have a mirena now and periods are a distant memory, so that may be why!

Callisto · 07/04/2011 08:30

Well we have shagging chickens in the garden, plus DD has seen other animals mating, so she is pretty clued up about stuff like this and has been for a long time.

Ladysybil - I'm interested in how you get round the fact that you have deliberately misinformed your child? Do you say when your child reaches, say, 8yo 'Sorry, God doesn't actually have anything to do with it after all'?

ladysybil · 07/04/2011 08:31

kreecer, at that age, yes. we are talking not even four :)

RamblingRosa · 07/04/2011 08:37

DD has known about periods since she was about 2 when she started asking questions.

She asked where babies came from this week (she's 3.5yo) and I was a bit flummoxed. She knows about babies growing in tummies and being born but she wanted to know how they get there.

I came out with some gibberish about "daddy's special seed" and "mummy's special egg" and then changed the subject

She seemed happy enough with the explanation though.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/04/2011 08:37

Callisto, I am with you on that question.

HSMM · 07/04/2011 08:47

There is quite a good book called 'Mummy Laid an Egg', but I was lucky that my DD just magically seemed to know and didn't really ask :). At age 8 I got her a really good book all about her body and its development and it is the most well thumbed book on her bookcase . She is 11 now, so she knows EVERYTHING (more than me probably).

She has always asked general questions as she has grown up and I have told her the truth. The thing is to ONLY answer the question they have asked and not give information they are not interested in.

GnomeDePlume · 07/04/2011 08:56

When DCs were small we used the explanation of 'mummy and daddy did a special type of cuddle' to make each of them. No further information was asked for! Now certainly the oldest is better informed than I am.

Lovemy2babies · 07/04/2011 08:59

My dd1 who is 3 asked me last night how do babies become girls
I told her that a seed inside mummies tummy chides if baby is girl or boy and she said but how!

Didn't know how to explain without telling her about y x chromosomes!

Asinine · 07/04/2011 09:06

There is a book called 'where do babies come from' which is made for younger children, with lift the flap ( no pun intended ) bits. I seem to remember it had orange sperm for boys and yellow for girls, which my kids were very taken with.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 07/04/2011 09:08

Another Mirena user here, so no periods, it has occurred to me that I will have to remember to tell DD about them as it is not something that is going to get explained as a matter of course while I deal with mine. My DCs are 5 and 7, they have asked about how babies got in Mummy's tummy but are happy enough with Daddy gave Mummy a seed at the moment, one of them asked how they get out of the tummy and I just said there is a special opening, but we left it at that. Have got a copy of Mummy Laid an Egg lying around so they can pick it up and look at it or we can use it when they ask.

Dolcegusto · 07/04/2011 09:29

Hmm, we told dd (4) that daddy puts a seed in mummys tummy and it grows into a baby just like her sunflowers seeds grew into sunflowers.
She didn't ask how he did it, but she did ask if it hurt

welshbyrd · 07/04/2011 09:34

I told DS doctors give mum a tablet, and the baby grows, he is extremely naive, and believed this for years

He is now 7, and came home from school last week and said "babys do not come from tablets, mums vinegar and dads peanut makes a baby"

JenAT · 07/04/2011 09:37

Not been asked by dd (3.6) how babies get into my tummy yet but am currently 3 days overdue with baby number 2. She has asked how the baby comes out of my tummy, so I told her the truth. She looked pretty disgusted and suggested it may be better if the baby came out of my mouth! That gave me horrendous visions of something like Alien. She is also convinced she has a baby in her tummy, and also a cat called goldilocks which will come out when Mummies baby comes.

earlyriser · 07/04/2011 09:37

Just tell them the truth!

KBlatherskite · 07/04/2011 09:41

DS is 4 and hasn't asked how babies get in Mummy's tummy yet but he has asked about periods - a side effect of never getting to use the loo on my own!

I've told him basically the same as Kreecher - that inside Mummy's tummy is a special cushion to keep the baby comfy while it is growing and that if there isn't a baby then the cushion melts like ice and comes out.

He seemed happy with that.

SIL went with the straightforward approach when her 10 year old asked about how babies got into Mummy's tummy. He looked disgusted and then announced "That's not true and anyway I've never seen you do it" He has 2 younger siblings.

Olifin · 07/04/2011 10:15

I've been honest with 5 year-old DD about periods and baby-making. I said similar to Kreecher re periods. She said: 'When I'm grown up, I want to have periods so that I can also have babies'. I pointed out that most women don't get any choice in whether or not to have periods.

She knows that a man puts his willy inside a woman's bits and some little seeds come out of the end and up inside the woman's body where they will sometimes meet an egg and then grow into a baby. She also knows how babies get out of a woman's body. She looked slightly worried about this one. I recall she was in the bath at the time and looked down at her 'area' as if wondering how it would ever be possible for a baby to come out of there.

I'm staggered that some people are willing to lie about it to their children. The God thing is no different to gooseberry bushes and storks

TurkeyBurgerThing · 07/04/2011 10:23

I went through this! I said Mums and Dads make babies together, babies grow in mum's tummy for a while, then mum goes to hospital and then POP baby appears. This seemed to do the trick!

However Wne I had DS2, DS1 and DD came to visit. DD was too little to notice anything but there was a lady opposite who had obviously just had her baby and been brought through to the ward. Up she stood and we all knows what happens....DS1 was staring and said "look mum that lady has bleed!" I said it was jam....he didn't believe me.

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2011 11:04

When mine first started to ask I used the "daddy puts his seed in mummy's tummy where it grows into a baby. If they had asked how it gets there I would have said through a special hole!

My eldest is 8 almost 9 now, and at 7 when asking for more info I bought her the book "mummy lays an egg". She read it herself and then we discussed it. She is pretty chilled out with the full facts, not embarressed at all.

I caught her bickering with her 5 yo sister a few weeks back, and my eldest (in a ner-ner style voice said, "anyway I know what sex is and you don't". So we had to have words, and then explain to dd2 that sex is "special cuddles". sigh

As for periods, i have always been 100% open about them, open door policy in the loo, not hiding boxes of pads/tampons, always answering questions honestly, and they have all been fine with that. They are totally clued up on periods and are not upset or embaressed about them.

edam · 07/04/2011 11:21

Another recommendation for "Mummy Laid An Egg". Very funny and gave ds the information he wanted in an age-appropriate manner.

BTSynergy · 07/04/2011 12:43

I pulled out a Biology book with diagrams etc. I did gloss over the whole erections/ejaculation/sperm thing though simply because I didn't want him repeating it to other children and have managed to get away with saying 'male gamete' and being vague about how it gets there.

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