Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that not inviting anyones kids except your own to a wedding is a bit weird ?

40 replies

inbetweener · 06/04/2011 13:15

So my sister is getting married. She has two kids aged 2 and 4. She tells me she is having a child free wedding. I have 3 kids which means getting someone to look after them for the day but thats ok, its up to her at the end of the day.

She then tells me her kids are still coming as she has no-one to look after them.

The reasons for her childfree wedding are and I quote " It's too expensive to cater for children at a wedding. Its going to cost about £100 minimum per person whether they are five months or a fully grown adult and in truth I don't like it when the parents don't drink and have a good time as they have to constantly chase after their children, plus then they leave early and the children spend most of the evening crying and being naughty because they are tired."

AND

"Plus it means I will have no screaming horrible noise during my amazing service"

I cant help feeling its a bit weird. I mean inviting no kids is fine but is it an all or nothing thing ?

I'm quite prepared to be told differently.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 06/04/2011 13:17

It's their wedding, why on earth would they not want to bring their own kids if they are ok with it?

Doesn't mean they have to put up with anyone else's.

tinierclanger · 06/04/2011 13:18

It seems quite reasonable to me. I'm afraid YABU.

tinierclanger · 06/04/2011 13:19

Although no doubt there will be a big rush of posts now saying 'weddings are about family and children' etc etc.

compo · 06/04/2011 13:19

It would be awful not to invite their own kids
but pretty crappy not to want their neices and nephews either

grovel · 06/04/2011 13:20

I think your sister is being perfectly reasonable.

turdass · 06/04/2011 13:20

My DB did this - it annoyed the hell out of me and my sister who had kids of a similar age to his DC.

bubblecoral · 06/04/2011 13:24

I think she has perfectly valid reasons for not inviting any children other than her own.

Just because she wants to share a huge occasion with her own children doesn't mean she should want to share it with everyone elses.

JoyceBarnaby · 06/04/2011 13:24

YABU - I'm not actually completely sure why you think it's 'weird'. I admit, I like children at weddings but many people choose not to have them there - pretty much for the reasons your sister has detailed - so I don't think the decision is particularly unusual.

nectarina · 06/04/2011 13:25

I think its strange - yanbu. Look after her kids during the service and make them cry encourage them to be naughty

dickcheeseandthecrackers · 06/04/2011 13:25

Her choice, her wedding.
And of course she'd want her kids there.
YABU.

FabbyChic · 06/04/2011 13:26

She probably expects others to look after her children during the day, like you for example.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 06/04/2011 13:27

I think that your sister has to invite her own children.,..her choice about everyone else's children.yabu. sorry.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 06/04/2011 13:29

YABU - my DSIS married last year in v small ceremony and only her kids and nephews were allowed. No-one minded and personally I quite like a 'no kids' invite. You can get pissed and no-one will throw cake down your dress or run screaming around a room full of crystal glassware and flower arrangements.

daimbardiva · 06/04/2011 13:37

I can appreciate you're disappointed as you're close family, but it is so tricky - I think you almost always have to be all or nothing about it. We invited kids to our wedding - but at that point not that many of our friends had kids. If we were to get married now, we probably wouldn't be able to afford to invite kids as there'd be so many of them.

And of course she'd want her own kids there - why wouldn't she? Obviously it'd be nice for you if she'd invited your children but I guess she's just trying to decide on a systme and stick to it

manfromCUK · 06/04/2011 13:41

I just won't go to a no kids wedding - but it's their choice. I've been to plently of weddings where the kids behaved perfectly well.

Original poster
inbetweener · 06/04/2011 14:00

Hmmm I kind of thought I was being unreasonable. I agree that yes it is her day and of course she would want her kids there.
Although I absolutely guarantee she will ask me or our other sister to watch her kids for the day which will be pretty ironic !! If im having a kid free day, then im getting pissed having a child free day !!!

OP posts:
lazylula · 06/04/2011 14:00

YABU! If I am honest I would think it odd if her children were not there, after all it is their mum/ parents getting married and so it should include them.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/04/2011 14:05

Goodness, me, what cold-hearted bitch would leave HER OWN children with a babysitter, and exclude them from her wedding? How on earth can this be even remotely reasonable. You expect her to do this? Just because she does not want/afford everybody elses children there too? Why should she not share her special day with the people she loves the most, her husband and her children, AND the rest of the guests. YAB totally and utterly and most profoundly U

QuintessentialShadows · 06/04/2011 14:06

ok x post

Quenelle · 06/04/2011 14:09

I would be more disturbed if she didn't have her children at her wedding.

But yes, if she doesn't want you to take your children you shouldn't have to spend the day looking after hers either. Have a great time! Wine

foundwanting · 06/04/2011 14:13

My sister is doing exactly the same later this year. She has 10 neices and nephews who are not invited.

Fair enough, but if her DCs are at our table, I'm moving!

djinnie · 06/04/2011 14:21

YABU

I wanted a child free wedding but one set of parents brought their offspring. they then climbed over and under the seats during the ceremony and were a pita. The reception was back at my place and they made a den out of the sofa cushions so no-one could sit on them. Quite funny in retrospect and didn't ruin my day at all but they weren't invited, the parents couldn't (or wouldn't) control them ... and I felt a little peeved when I saw them licking the chocolate off all the profiteroles and smearing the mess everywhere.

BoattoBolivia · 06/04/2011 14:28

The interesting thing about the last child free wedding that i went went to, was that the groom's sister's children were there (I think they were the only nephews and nieces on either side.) The groom was my dp's cousin and both we, and my bil and sil have children similar in age to the children at the wedding. although we were quite happy to have a child free weekend, managed to sort childcare and were perfectly happy with their rights to dictate the criteria for their guests, we did chuckle a bit at the antics of the two children. While the groom's sister was trying to video the speeches, her children were climbing all over her and crying through them. If our children had been there as well, they would have all happily gone into a neighbouring room and played together, with us all taking in turns to supervise. As it was, we just all sat back and let them get on with it!! (and enjoyed the day) Grin
I would have thought it a bit odd for the bride and groom not to have their own children there, but think they might be being short sighted not having a few others there for them to play with.

RunAwayWife · 06/04/2011 14:38

YABU it is her wedding it is up to her

tallulahxhunny · 06/04/2011 14:50

i dont like to have children at a wedding either, you are there to enjoy yourself not fall over other peoples kids

Swipe left for the next trending thread