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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this a bit mean to DD?

30 replies

leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 17:44

DD is home for the university holidays. She normally works full-time in these, but is starting to take some time off to do her uni work. Today, she stayed home whilst we all went out to work, so she could do an essay. She also hung up the washing, walked the dog, and collected a package for DH.

DH gets in from work and immediately shouts up the stairs to her to 'come and clean up her mess' and that the 'kitchen is a state.' DD had made a sandwich and left the filling in a pan to cool, with a bowl ready for it to go into next to the stove. DD objects to being told what to do without so much as a 'hello' from DH, and points out that she had already washed up everything which could be and that an errant pan does not a state make. She's rather upset at being shouted at, but is DH BU? She probably should have washed the pan up, but she was working and honestly most likely forgot about it. DH is insisting he's in the right to have had a go at her. I'm feeling a bit more sympathetic towards her!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 05/04/2011 17:47

no, your DH is being rude

she's done a lot, and she's left a pan of stuff cooling.... nowt wrong with that as far as I can see

ShushBaby · 05/04/2011 17:52

I think your DH was being a bit unreasonable yes.

I've got to say, I am intrigued by what kind of gourmet sandwich involves a filling cooked in a pan? Can I have one please?

squeakytoy · 05/04/2011 17:53

I wouldnt be too happy if I was your daughter either. I would tell him to shove his package up his arse.

Original poster
leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 17:56

Ha, squeakytoy, I think she may have muttered something exactly to that effect as she retreated upstairs...

Shush- she makes this melted tuna and cheese and sweetcorn combination, which is actually very nice! I'm sure if you promise not to shout at her for not cleaning up the pan then she'd be happy to oblige...Grin

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 05/04/2011 17:57

I'm glad shush asked because I was about to! Grin

dittany · 05/04/2011 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 05/04/2011 18:07

Gosh - aren't you lucky to live with Mr Damn Perfect. If my DP ranted about 1 saucepan left out unclean we'd all laugh with the irony of it.

Is he having a bad day?

Original poster
leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 18:08

He's quite anal about tidiness, but there are worse faults in people! He used to be a bit of a loose canon (never, ever violent, he just used to get angry at silly things and calm down five minutes later) but he hasn't been like that in years. Probably just a long day at work combined with not really liking the delightful smell of cheesy tuna wafting through the kitchen. Grin

OP posts:
JanMorrow · 05/04/2011 18:09

Ah your poor daughter. He sounds like he was being a bit of a dick to be honest!

grovel · 05/04/2011 18:12

Streuth. If my DS (home from university) did anything useful I'd be gobsmacked. He's lovely, affectionate and a nightmare. Warn your DH that once she graduates she doesn't have to come home at all......

stoatie · 05/04/2011 18:12

If my DD only left out one saucepan I would be delighted - she leaves a trail of stuff throughout the house. I am in my final year of uni, and as such have been primarily working at home for some months (only in uni couple times week). I have had loads of work to do (easing off now) and got fed up with DH who used to "suggest" a list of stuff I could do (nip to toown to pay in cheques, collect parcels etc) along with housework, when I wanted to take advantage of children being at school to get on with my work. It was a relief when internet developed fault and I could legit go into uni and work in peace in computer room.

dh is unreasonable - he would soon complain if she didn't get her work done

speakercorner · 05/04/2011 18:12

Is she he is DD or DSD out of interest?

PenguinArmy · 05/04/2011 18:13

I had a step dad like that, and he was a controlling bastard. Nothing to do with wanting things to be tidy.

Even if that isn't the case, he was being unreasonable. The incident did not require shouting (this is not an acceptable form of communication) and what is wrong with waiting a bit before cleaning it, especially with even the 'mess' she had made, the house was tidier than when you left

dittany · 05/04/2011 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 18:18

I doubt he'll apologise unless she really pushes it and I don't think she'll want to do that. She's his DD, not DSD. She'd be very happy to see your comments about how useful she is though! She does make noises about being home from work in order to do some uni work, not to do the chores but I think she doesn't mind really. They don't take up much time and she's old enough to help out a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 18:20

I realise that above comment makes me sound like a slave driver! All she is asked to do is hang up the washing if there is any, and walk the dog (which is technically hers, but oft neglected) She sometimes cooks the supper without being asked, but she quite likes cooking and only does it if inclined.

OP posts:
dittany · 05/04/2011 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlippery · 05/04/2011 18:25

If my DH said that to me he'd get a flick on the nose. Same if it was to our child. I'm all for keeping a tidy house (ha.) but there's limits, one pan is hardly post-apocalyptic mess is it!

speakercorner · 05/04/2011 18:25

If she is his DD, I wouldn't get involved tbh. He's being horrid and she is annoyed with him. They will sort it out.

PenguinArmy · 05/04/2011 18:30

It doesn't make you sound like a slave driver. I was going to comment, she is an adult she's been old enough to help out for at least 10 years.

Original poster
leanmeancoffeebean · 05/04/2011 18:33

She's more than happy to help out, and I have to admit she does far more than DS. He'd never get shouted at for a pan cos he'd never bleeding cook! Grin

OP posts:
InPraiseOfBacchus · 05/04/2011 19:36

It's probably not a seething, deep-seated issue or anything, but it sounds to me like it was about something other than the 'mess' in the kitchen. I remember my trips back home from uni, and feeling that my dad was a little bit intimidated by the fact that I seemed so much more grown up, with a sense of purpose and opportunity. I'm convinced that this was the reason behind some rather unfair comments that were made.

MillsAndDoom · 05/04/2011 19:40

DH is a bit anal about food related stuff being left out on the tops having spent years in the Middle East where he was over run with vermin if any food stuff was lying around, so I can understand your DH being annoyed if he is a bit of a neat freak.

I think shouting etc was out of order though, all he had to do was say "DD can you come and put your stuff away please"

Rhinestone · 05/04/2011 19:54

Your DH sounds just like my father. I don't like my father very much.

dittany · 05/04/2011 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.