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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that £250 is a bit steep for a hen night?

45 replies

jinxediam · 05/04/2011 17:07

I agreed to go to my friends friend night and now her friend has contacted us all to give details of the itinery and i'm a bit Shock at the cost!!! Since when did hen nights get so expensive??

I think i'm the only one with DC's so maybe i'm a bit more credit crunched then most but even so I am faily speechless at the cost. Its all been booked so I feel bad about pulling out yet this is way out of my budget. AIBU to feel like cancelling or is this how much hen nights cost these days?

OP posts:
thesnowmanleft · 05/04/2011 17:09

YANBU, I am arraging a hen do and it costs a bit more than this but I warned everyone before so they could accept the invitation or not.

To go ahead and book it without checking the price was ok is shocking!!!

controlpantsandgladrags · 05/04/2011 17:09

People spend all sorts of crazy amounts on hen/stag nights/weekends/fortnights in the sun these days. DB has recently come back from a stag weekend in Prague which cos him £££. Did you not ask the cost before you said you would go?

jesuswhatnext · 05/04/2011 17:09

its bloody mad! - whats wrong with a meal and a bit of a dance? - im getting old!

Hassled · 05/04/2011 17:09

Is it chunks - I mean could you do (and pay for) some but not all of it? Or is it all or nothing?

It does seem like an obscene amount of money to spend - if she's any sort of friend then she'll understand. Just make it clear that when you agreed to go you had no idea you were talking this sort of money.

thesnowmanleft · 05/04/2011 17:10

They are very expensive now! I am arranging an expensive one for closet friends for whom seeing this person get married is a massive event and who won't mind the cost. And a night out for every female on the wedding guest list to come along to.

onepieceoflollipop · 05/04/2011 17:10

Is it for one night only? (rather than a weekend)

If it was a close friend, and I could afford it, and it was a great night out I would be Hmm about paying so much but might attend.

If it was more of a casual acquaintance/colleague, and/or I really couldn't afford it then no way would I go.

fwiw I think that some people are incredibly inconsiderate. Perhaps the bride/bridesmaid could consider a more modestly priced meal in addition to the overpriced evening out. Possibly less wealthy friends could then celebrate the hen night but in a more low key way?

Ragwort · 05/04/2011 17:11

What Shock - surely you can ring up and just say, really sorry, you had no idea it would be that expensive and its just out of the question. Totally unreasonable not to give you an idea of the cost when making the booking arrangements.

silverangel · 05/04/2011 17:12

What are you getting for your £250 - is it just one night, or a weekend?! Either way its a lot!!!

CotswoldCountryMummy · 05/04/2011 17:12

outrageous. I was ill before one hen night and i still had to pay £300 even though i didn't go.It very nearly cost me my friendship with the bride.

Sarsaparilllla · 05/04/2011 17:13

That's a bit steep, what are they planning on doing?

I went on a hen do recently and we got accomodation, meal, afternoon activity, entrance to a club and train travel for £140 each which I thought was ok

CotswoldCountryMummy · 05/04/2011 17:14

exactly, whats wrong with a nice dinner and a few cocktails? I agree and i'm only(!) 33!

MmeLindt · 05/04/2011 17:14

Madness.

Can you go for some of it? Presumably it is a weekend or a whole day thing at least for that price?

I spent more than that to go to future SIL's hen night, but that was because I had to travel over from Geneva for it. And she did not force me to go.

Asinine · 05/04/2011 17:14

Just tell them you can't go anymore as you can't afford it. You could tell a white lie that your dh turned down a stag recently because it was so expensive so you'd feel wrong going at that price. YANBU

PartyHands · 05/04/2011 17:18

I think it is a lot to ask, but unfortunately it's pretty common now, in London anyway.

Still, this shouldn't put you off just explaining you can't afford it but would love to go out for drinks with her some other night to celebrate.

Original poster
jinxediam · 05/04/2011 17:19

whoops somehow i managed to post this thread twice! Blush

OP posts:
brass · 05/04/2011 17:19

the thing is if you're going to ask people to spend that kind of money it makes sense to let them know the cost involved right at the beginning.

I think it would be fine to say it's way more than you were expecting and sorry can't afford it.

plupedantic · 05/04/2011 17:27

A "friend's friend"?

Not a good idea going way over budget even for a friend, and certainly not for a friend-of-a-friend. On the plus side, the tenuous relationship means you shouldn't suffer too much fallout (if they should be rude enough to take out on you their shame for assuming someone would be ok with £250, without pre-checking).

hissymissy · 05/04/2011 17:30

If that's the cost of the hen night, I dread to think what the wedding is costing! Some people seem completely oblivious to the fact that many others don't have money to fritter away. I would be annoyed too IIWY. And I would cancel.

Original poster
jinxediam · 05/04/2011 17:31

she is my friend and its a distant friend of us both that's done the arranging. Knowing my friend she would be a bit Shock at the cost of the hen but as its a surprise she wouldnt have known anyway.

I'm sure its all booked with the best of intentions but I think I am the only one with DC's and work part time so probably have more money issues than most.

OP posts:
plupedantic · 05/04/2011 17:34

They need to be told. You can do it in various ways, but a matter-of-fact repetition of what you have said upthread would give the least wiggle-room for the organisers. You come across as being sensible, and nothing you have said so far is offensive, so they are not even going to be able to get arsey with you. If they are disappointed, you can reply calmly that you were, too.

pigletmania · 05/04/2011 17:39

Yanbu, the organiser should have informed you beforehand if the price, it's only curtousy.

Frizzbonce · 05/04/2011 17:49

jinxediam well it's a ton of money anyway and if it's for ONE night - it's outrageous! There was a good section in the India Knight book about thrift and weddings - she comments on the ridiculous sums people are emotionally blackmailed into spending and says: 'Your friends are pleased you're getting married but er . . not THAT pleased.' And goes on to say if you want to do anything other than go out for dinner (with you paying for drinks at least) then you should bloody well fork out yourselves.

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 17:53

I could feed me and my son on that for five weeks! that is 3 times what I live on a week.

I wouldnt do it I think it's real precious people expect anybody to pay that much for a hen do.

Irrespective of duration its extortionate.

pigletmania · 05/04/2011 17:56

Be upfront, tell her that you agreed to going on the hen night not the cost. You can't afford it, so what if she booked her loss, she should have been more explicit with the price.

Original poster
jinxediam · 05/04/2011 18:04

she did advise approx costs on the drinks making, limo, meal and hotel so its probably my fault for not doing the maths in advance.

The club is a new addition tho and the actual costs of each event when booked are higher (£10 + on everything than she expected so thats whacked it up a bit too. When i added on drinks, club and train fares that's when I got Shock its a good £80+ more than I was expecting. #

Probably my own fault for being overly optimistic then!! Even so...£250...jeez

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