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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not particularly want to move just for status or space?

52 replies

ContentlyPondering · 05/04/2011 12:12

I have namechanged for this by the way as it goes into a bit of detail about £££ etc.

A quick bit of background. I am a SAHM, DH works as a Director for a big company, very good salary and bonus. When I married him he was on a similar amount to me, but he's just done so well over the years, really driven his career forward and he's now he/we are reaping the rewards.

2 kids, not yet school age. I am happy enough being a SAHM, I will be happier when the youngest starts preschool as I'll have a bit more freedom to do things I want to do but generally that's all fine.

The dilemma I have really is that despite the fact that we are now on a pretty decent (6 figure) salary, we live in a very nice but new-build detached house, double driveway, cul-de-sac, at the edge of a nice commuter town. I love it! I love my home, we have been here about 7 years (so it was what we could afford 7 years ago if that makes sense) and done things to it to make it how we want it.

But part of us wonders if we should move, get more space and be in a more village location, non-estate position and a bit of land or something. For me, its not because I particularly want to - I think its just sort of expected of us.

I think DH would quite like to at least have a look and see if that big country house exists for us, but I am very hesitant. I know what we are like - we will have a budget but end up finding something a bit more, will stretch to it and have less money for any repairs and renovations that might need doing. At the moment we have a small mortgage and we could be mortgage free by 40 (we are mid 30's). We have an excellent disposable income, dont really have to watch our money with things like shopping and extras, can go on holiday twice a year, buy whatever clothes we want, nice car, you get the idea. I guess I'm scared of mortgaging up and eating into that nice disposable income that we have become used to.

As it stands, we have a bedroom each, and a spare room, so plenty of space for guests, we have a lounge and a playroom/tv room so we are not living in a sea of plastic kids stuff (!), garden is not huge but fine...kids rooms are not massive but fine...sure we could use more space (who couldn't) but we dont really need it.

So I'm asking what you would do in my situation - do you think its better to have an older, more prestigous house in a village location and less disposable income, or a nice spacious but new-build house in a nice quiet estate on a no-thru road with a big disposable income and plenty of contingency if things just, I dont know, go wrong?

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/04/2011 12:16

I don't know which would make me happier, I suspect the former but that's just me.
Could you have a look at some other, better houses and see if you get a gut reaction. You wouldn't be committing either way.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/04/2011 12:16

I love it! I love my home

Think you've answered your own question there really. If you're happy where you are and it does everything it needs to, why move just for the sake of it?

MorticiaAddams · 05/04/2011 12:16

I would prefer the older house and village location and wouldn't mind having a little less space and less disposable income to pay for it but.

If you're happy where you are then don't move just because it's expected of you, what's right for me isn't necessarily right for you and there doesn't seem any point in you moving.

nijinsky · 05/04/2011 12:16

Its not just the prestige or status or space though. Village location houses can be very charming and you don't realise how charming until you are seriously thinking of buying one! Maybe go and see what you can get for your money. The familiar is always going to feel good but if you are a SAHM, you are going to be spending a lot of time there.

If you spend your disposable income on cars, holidays, etc thats it gone, but with a house you get something longer lasting.

Alternatively, you could buy the charming house abroad and use it as a holiday home/rental?

Happymm · 05/04/2011 12:17

Depends where you want to live.

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2011 12:18

i was wandering down lanes full of pretty cottages and country homes yesterday in the sunshine (on google maps street view)Grin

have a look around......but grass is usually greener

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 12:19

I think until you actually see something you really like why worry?

Have a look do some window shopping, you never know you might not find anything that you would particularly like to move into.

There is no pressure for you to move, you already love your home, so why you are worried about it I don't know.

You could be saving for your childrens future.

Seems you feel you have to move because you have so much disposable income.

But you don't really need to so why bother?

GypsyMoth · 05/04/2011 12:19

i was in somerset btw!!

hatwoman · 05/04/2011 12:21

"should" move? b&%$£s to that. dh and I bought way below our means and are now mortage-free with something in the bank aged 40 and 42. it has made a huge difference to our life-choices. we both work part time. we spend a lot of time with dds and get to do lots of stuff we wouldn;t have time for. time is much more important than anything else you can buy.

hatwoman · 05/04/2011 12:22

(but I agree - rural locations are great!)

Original poster
ContentlyPondering · 05/04/2011 12:26

Thanks people. Yes, we are saving for our children's future. I didn't mean it to sound like we spend all our disposable income by the way - far from it. In fact we have overpaid our mortgage by quite a lot etc but we never spend what we earn, if that makes sense, month to month and then the bonus come once a year as well (which is when we tend to do home improvements)

I'm not "worried" about it as such, the reason I am considering it is simply because my son is due to start school next year so there's a good and a bad time to move, also, my husband I think does want to move a fair bit more than me, so if he's going to find it an issue at some point I may as well address it and we can make a decision. See, its not just me and my wants that I have to take into consideration...

So there is no urgency as such but that's a good enough reason to start pondering it, I feel...

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 05/04/2011 12:28

Yes, I wouldn't worry if you hadn't seen anything you like yet.

Personally, I find old rural properties charming, but I know I am a big city person, I could never do it.

Original poster
ContentlyPondering · 05/04/2011 12:31

Thing is also, I can see the charm and appeal of big old properties, most our friends have them, but they can be a bloody nightmare. When I heard what it costs my friend to heat her home I nearly died. Another has woodworm. But I just have no experience of them. I grew up abroad in a place where newer build is the norm (though space is more usual) but I wouldn't know where to start, I'm sure we'd get sucked in to a bad purchase.

Husband has no experience either, he had a new build flat in London, then we bought our first marital home of the plan (!) then moved here (it was 2 years old when we bought it)...

OP posts:
Bearinthebigwoohouse · 05/04/2011 12:37

I would move for all sorts of other reasons, but not for status. I think if you love it where you are and happy with all aspects of it, then there's no need to move. It's about what makes your heart sing for me, and it sounds like you already have that.

LaWeasel · 05/04/2011 12:41

If you love it stay where you are.

Villages are not great for teenagers so you probably won't get much appreciation from your dc as they get older.

But the idea of mortgage free living is a dream for me!

Asinine · 05/04/2011 12:42

Do you have a cleaner? Big houses take a long time to clean. Do what feels right to you, ignore any outside pressure. Moving is stressful.

darleneconnor · 05/04/2011 12:48

You sound like you just want to 'keep up with the Jones's'.

Stay with what you're happy and familiar with unless there is some other considerstion like shorter commute/better schools.

K999 · 05/04/2011 12:51

Beware...the recessions not over yet. Stay put. Smile

chopchopbusybusy · 05/04/2011 12:53

I'd stay where you are and increase the overpayments on your mortgage, then think about it in another couple of years. I don't think it's that bad to move a child in primary school. Different when they get to secondary school age.

lesley33 · 05/04/2011 13:07

You are at a SAHM so where you live is going to have a massive impact on your life, but less impact on your OH. I would explain this to your OH and do what makes you happy.

My OH grew up in a village, so has not got rose tinted spectacles about what living in a village is like - OH has no wish at all to live in a village.

We paid off our mortgage at 40 - that was my goal too! And having lots of disposable income is great. Much better than struggling to pay a large mortgage IMO - although we had nowhere near the income of your OH.

Laquitar · 05/04/2011 13:10

'expected' by who???

Who is going to live in the house? Who is going to renovate it and clean it? You or them? (who are they Grin)

It is not compulsory to prefer older houses, some of us don't. Your house sounds perfect to me.

Bratfink · 05/04/2011 13:14

if it aint broke don;t fix it

perhpas at some point in the future circulstances will change and you will feel like making changes to your life. until then enjoy feeling contented and settled

TheBolter · 05/04/2011 13:27

Hmmm... interesting. I wonder if ILOVETIFFANY stumbled upon my house during her wanderings? Grin

We are living your potential life; we have the charming village property and have chosen to max ourselves out because we feel that our property is our future.

We have pensions but no life savings (what's the point when there's a mortgage to be paid?!) so our house is our main investment.

We have many friends who have chosen to live in smaller houses but have more extravagant lifestyles - new cars, numerous holidays, weekends away etc which can sometimes be a bit galling but when I think of the equity that we have raised by continually moving and pushing ourselves it makes me feel a bit better!

The way I see it - my house is my home. And I spend a lot of my life in it. Therefore it's important that we live somewhere where we're happy. Really I can't think of a lovelier place to live. That to me is far more important than having the latest flat screen!

Original poster
ContentlyPondering · 05/04/2011 13:28

See, I think my OH has a rose tinted view of what village life is.

He did grow up in a village, but a fairly large one, may as well have been a small town. But I think he thinks you can amble down the road, drop in at the pub, have a couple of pints, there's a dog in front of the fireplace, a couple of men wearing caps nod at you in recognition, the landlord pours you your usual without asking.

Then you head further down to the post office, do an errand, across the road to the farm shop, pick up some organic local free range hand stroked air plucked total freedom produce and go home and have the wife cook it for you in your country kitchen while you put your feet up in front of the fire and admire the beams and the grade II listedness of it all!

Only kidding really, he's not sexist in the slightest, but seriously what it would probably entail is that the pub wouldn't be like that, he couldn't go there half the time because we've got 2 very young children to look after (though that will change as they become older!), and it wont be anything like what he thinks. The chance of having all those amenities in walking distance are slim as well - there is less of this kind of thing than when he was a boy...

Good point about the teenagers, absolutely true.

"Expected by who" - well, partly DH has this idea that it will "probably" happen one day. I'm just thinking about addressing it and coming to some kind of decision about it before school starts.

But also by other people. Not that we care about that - but people do wonder why we dont move. One friend even brings me property particulars! (And she's not an agent). But not at all bothered about friends and what they do, its really just a case of mulling it over in my mind so if DH ups the ante I can at least discuss it rationally with proper pros and cons and a decent cost/benefit analysis...

OP posts:
TheBolter · 05/04/2011 13:29

Having said that, if I lived somewhere where I was really happy, with low mortgage, I wouldn't push myself for the sake of keeping up with the Joneses! The reason we live here is because the right house came up at the right time and we were looking to spend the rest of our lives in this area.