to not particularly want to move just for status or space?

[ContentlyPondering]

I have namechanged for this by the way as it goes into a bit of detail about £££ etc.

A quick bit of background. I am a SAHM, DH works as a Director for a big company, very good salary and bonus. When I married him he was on a similar amount to me, but he's just done so well over the years, really driven his career forward and he's now he/we are reaping the rewards.

2 kids, not yet school age. I am happy enough being a SAHM, I will be happier when the youngest starts preschool as I'll have a bit more freedom to do things I want to do but generally that's all fine.

The dilemma I have really is that despite the fact that we are now on a pretty decent (6 figure) salary, we live in a very nice but new-build detached house, double driveway, cul-de-sac, at the edge of a nice commuter town. I love it! I love my home, we have been here about 7 years (so it was what we could afford 7 years ago if that makes sense) and done things to it to make it how we want it.

But part of us wonders if we should move, get more space and be in a more village location, non-estate position and a bit of land or something. For me, its not because I particularly want to - I think its just sort of expected of us.

I think DH would quite like to at least have a look and see if that big country house exists for us, but I am very hesitant. I know what we are like - we will have a budget but end up finding something a bit more, will stretch to it and have less money for any repairs and renovations that might need doing. At the moment we have a small mortgage and we could be mortgage free by 40 (we are mid 30's). We have an excellent disposable income, dont really have to watch our money with things like shopping and extras, can go on holiday twice a year, buy whatever clothes we want, nice car, you get the idea. I guess I'm scared of mortgaging up and eating into that nice disposable income that we have become used to.

As it stands, we have a bedroom each, and a spare room, so plenty of space for guests, we have a lounge and a playroom/tv room so we are not living in a sea of plastic kids stuff (!), garden is not huge but fine...kids rooms are not massive but fine...sure we could use more space (who couldn't) but we dont really need it.

So I'm asking what you would do in my situation - do you think its better to have an older, more prestigous house in a village location and less disposable income, or a nice spacious but new-build house in a nice quiet estate on a no-thru road with a big disposable income and plenty of contingency if things just, I dont know, go wrong?

Constantly - but lives like that do exist! Your opening para of your last post describes our lives except our village has the bonus of being quite buzzing too! I love village life!

That's interesting Bolter.

Just to clarify, with me its not so much gadgets and flat screens (though its nice to have a nice-to-drive car but that doesnt' have to be expensive depending what you like) but more about having the free cash to fix something to do with the house if you decide you want to, and as for the holiday thing, I guess that's a safety net for me too because I am from abroad and if I dont go there, my kids wont see their grandparents. So that's an actual lifestyle thing we have to factor in to any future decisions - I dont know when my parents will get to the point where they can't travel anymore. Hell, they might get sick and I might have to go and help. Dont know.

Total other end of the spectrum to me is my friend who has this massive old farm house with land etc. Its Grade II listed and potentially stunning. The decor is truly dreadful - paisly carpets and matching wallpaper and the like - though with beautiful features, like an arched door of this windy staircase and all sorts of potential niceness. But they totally gutted the back bit which will one day become a kitchen and breakfast room. And then ran out of money! She said to fit it out how she wants it plus a new heating system, would be £80k

Meanwhile, she's living in this house with nailed down boards as a floor and a duvet pinned up to the doorway in winter to keep the draught out and a wood burning stove keeping that bit warm. She has no kitchen - a microwave and some plates. Its been like this for about 5 years.

So I dont have to go to those lengths obviously but the point Im (eventually) getting to is that I was talking to her about this and she said "oh FFS stay put, just stay put! Kids, when they are older, are very enjoyable and there is so much you can do with them - if you have the money!"

She has a point but she's probably blinkered as well from a different perspective...

We currently live in a not very nice bit of London. Where we moved to because we could afford it and where we were going to stay for 2 years and then move on.
However 3 years later we are still here.
It is not where I would imagine I would be. It is not even very pretty - but we have made friends, the DC are happy and settled and I realise that as and when we can afford more, we will probably not move far, i.e. not to the next lovely suburb.
But I, like you, wonder if we should not be affording the best we can.

If you are happy then stay put. Being happy is worth so much more than a bit more garden, or an extra bedroom.

From what you have said personally I would not want to move. Your current house sounds fine and not small at all, and you are happy there so why move unless you have an actual reason?
I think the mortgage free and more disposible income is much better than just having more "status" by having a prestigious house!!

Just to clarify also, we would never move to "keep up with the Jonses". Sometimes I feel people expect it of us, but that's not why I'd do it personally and DH wouldn't either. Its the fact that DH sometimes talks of moving and the fact my children might start school that makes me think about it.

I'd need a specific reason to move. DH keeps going on about space but apart from the fact that the children's rooms are not massive, and the garden is not massive, there is no real need. Hell our bedroom IS massive. And that is unusual for a new build. For a start I dont think I'd ever be able to get a bedroom as big if we moved.

If we didn't have a separate area for the TV so that when kids were older we were stuck watching bloody Hannah Montana (or whatever it will be!!!) or hearing them moan at us watching Waking the Dead or some other such grown up boring bollocks (I dont really watch TV to be honest) then fine I'd be saying we would grow out of the house eventually. But I dont think we will. Well, I dont think we have to. I dont think that its a given that we will.

And no parking problems. No cars littered round the streets because everyone has a double driveway etc. Everyone is friendly (that can change overnight too I know). Kids can play in the street. Meh, I think I've made up my mind! Thanks for your thoughts - do keep them coming...

Stay where you are. We have done your life in reverse. We overstretched ourselves twice to buy nice houses in nice places and although we could afford it, everything always felt like a struggle. We have been renting for a while and now we're trying to buy a small house in an ok place, borrowing less than half what the bank would lend us. In other respects we're in a similar situation to you - plenty of disposable income and savings. We should be able to pay off the mortgage in 5-10 years. I don't really care what other people think of where I live; there are more important things in life to worry about. And you love your home! Don't move just for the sake of it.

Why don't you try picturing yourself in the scenario that you described earlier. He's wandering round the village, having a pint, doing an errand. What are you doing? And what are you doing during the week when he's at work, what are the children doing? Think about how you feel when you visualise it - I always find that helps me when I'm trying to make my mind up (although it sounds like you already have!).

Hmmm.

I'm sitting mumsnetting in an old dusty village house instead of a clean airy newbuild (! - I know not all old houses are dusty!!! - but this is my mind's eye so I have to be honest). It feels like my Grandmother's house, not somewhere I would want to live.

Keep going . It's amusing me and helping you.

I have now read your post about your parents being abroad. I'm in the same siruation.
If there is possibility that you will bring your parents to live here then you might need big garden so you can extend. But if it is more likely that they will stay there then you will need to be able to travel and the mortgage free scenario will be ideal.

Oi! laminate is fine

So, Contently, if you move to a village, you'll turn into <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqixz7qxM21qa1xnko1_500.gif&imgrefurl=s9ason.tumblr.com/post/226388272/betty-draper-vs-pigeons&usg=__bVnXhBTLD6nmmXE96ONbw9_Fbvc=&h=271&w=450&sz=258&hl=it&start=35&zoom=1&tbnid=eDjyIthCMBxjRM:&tbnh=165&tbnw=223&ei=qhKbTY_HBcKs8AO9nPHiBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dbetty%2Bdraper%26hl%3Dit%26client%3Dsafari%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1200%26bih%3D857%26tbm%3Disch0%2C678&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=584&oei=eBKbTf33LIGp4Aa6t6HdBg&page=2&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:35&tx=78&ty=117&biw=1200&bih=857" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Betty Draper

I know Laquitar - I have some in my hallway!!!

That'll be me Franca!!!

I am in a similar situation with my DH. He is desparate to move and we could afford to do so. He wants a spare room for guests (we don't currently have one although we have a 4 bed house- 3 kids doh) and a 'library' he has always wanted that!
However he works exceptionally long hours in the City. I am a SAHM with three small kids. The DC are settled in school and pre school and I love my (quite large and now suburban) village and have loads of friends etc.
We moved here 9 years ago pre kids and it was what we could afford. The location was almost an accident and it is perfect for my and DC lifestyle, 5 minutes walk from school with a local doctors, library, small supermarket, PO, pharmacy etc! We have modernised it and put on an extra reception room and it feels big enough for me but I don't think DH thinks it is enough for him.
BUT I live here the most and watch the whole world pass my window and know I will never leave.
This 1960's house was not what I envisaged but it is right for me. I wouldn't move unless there is a specific reason (local schools for instance) there is nothing wrong with a new build!

First, I would say village life is charming but old country properties are extremely expensive to run.

DH often yearns to move somewhere swankier but I am very settled and we have acres of land here and I have friends who we have lift shares with for school etc etc

I have put him off by encouraging him to buy other property. First a holiday home (which he soon got very bored with and sold) and he is now looking at flats in town. Would that be a possibility? Invest the difference in another property?

Constantly - in response your response to me (!), I think your friend is nuts to have moved into her house... dh and I nearly did it ourselves once - found a massive house which we completely fell in love with, planned to buy it and do it up over time (like we have all our lives with our houses but this one was off the scale!). It's only when we realised that it would have consumed us for the next ten - fifteen years that we knew it would be madness to punch above our weight so much.

I think you sound really happy the way you are, but I know what it's like to have that niggle... I feel like it over having another child! (You know, really happy with our easy life but full of what if's...)

I wouldn't move either.

I believe we are in a very similar position to you - DH earns six figures (less than £150K/yr though even with my pt wage added - so the lowest 'band' - six figures is a VERY wide income bracket - so not sure if it really is that similar); live in a nice newish build with a smallish garden which is more than adequate for our needs - very quiet and lovely neighbours; mortgage should be paid in 3 yrs; modest cars and pretty rare holidays.

We were tempted by the 'big move' 5 years back but extended instead. I am SO pleased we made that decision. It is one thing to be able to afford to buy it but another completely to keep up with the maintanence.

We may move in the future but it would definitely not be until we could comfortably pay for it with 'cash'. Living mortgage-free is my number one priority now.

What about schools? You say your kids aren't at school yet, which means that the most important years of their lives (and yours) are coming up. Think about where you want them to go to school and then look at catchment areas for your preferred school/s.

We fluked out as we are in the catchment area for the best primary school in our area. When we were house hunting we weren't even talking about kids, a week after we put in an offer I got pregnant (first time ttc) and DS now in the best school and very happy there. Couldn't have planned it better. But, we paid for it as houses in the catchment cost considerably more than those outside catchment. As we moved from London, the cost didn't seem too high for us as but looking now it is frightening what people are paying for houses near us.

My cousin sounds just like you, only her kids are much older. They recently moved into the country mansion. She now has to have a cleaner, gardener and is buying a dog because she is lonely when her DH is on business and their girls are out with friends. She now has to drive everywhere as there is nothing locally and her friends/family aren't close enough. I don't think it has worked for her, but she would never admit it.

Anyway, enough about me. Think about your future as a family, where you want to be and what school runs etc will be like. Is your current house going to be suitable for that? If not, then think about where you want to live and take it from there.

your post could have been written by me (minus the village bits!). dh and i both earn good money. we tend to find that people try and "project" onto us what their llifestyle would be if they had our money. Interestingly, for most people it doesn't involve being mortgage free and having savings. We just nod, smile and ignore.

Having said that we recently had an opportunity to buy a house that would have involved trading up but taking on a lot more debt. So e.g. as an illustration, we're currently living in a great house worth £100k but we're mortgage free, and would have involved moving into a house worth £250k, so we would have had to take on an a mortgage of £150k, whereas we are currently mortgage free. We decided not to buy as we would have been able to afford the mortgage payments but would make a dent in our disposable income and comfortable lifestyle.

I would stay where you are for now, and continue to ride out the recession as it isn't over yet.

I sort of went through what op did. We bought a new build when we had a toddler and a 2 week old baby. 13 years later we're still here! All our friends have moved on and up and I have a far less grand house than just about everybody I know. Luckily our catchment secondary school is so brilliant that weve stayed put and the kids love the area, it's in a village but it's not a "village" house. So no nasty heating and upkeep costs (although recent extension quotes have been a joke!)

I've had times when I've wanted to move but we've been mortgage free for ages, dh has had a bit of a gap year from work while he switches direction. Right now I wouldn't want to move up, house prices are falling or stagnating and I get "flat envy" and dream about even smaller properties when the kids have left home!

You should live where your friends are and where you find the lifestyle to your taste. If you can afford a home you really love in that location, even better!

I think English village life is dreadfully dull! I would hate it! Don't be guided by status or prestige - be guided by what you, personally, enjoy. You should probably move at some point (it is good to move, as it shakes you up a bit) but there is really no need to move to an old house in a village.

It sounds like you wouldn't actually like the old village house that much anyway.

If that's the case then it seems a no brainer. Stay put where you are happy!

We have recently taken the opposition decision - we've bought the expensive house rather than the cheaper one - but that's because we think we'd otherwise end up moving to the more expensive one in 5 years' time anyway, whereas you say you won't need or want to move.

I would absolutely stay in your town house if you're happy in it and you like it. Living in a village is ok, but in most villages there's very little to do especially for children when they get a bit older, and you'll spend half your life being a taxi service (and the other half needing a taxi yourself when you want to go out).

Having no mortgage is also a great position to be in - for now clearly your OH is happy in his job and all is going well - but if that changes having no debts is a massive advantage.