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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS tripped over on purpose - should the tripper pay for new unform?

46 replies

bonkers20 · 05/04/2011 11:42

My son was tripped over at school on purpose. His teacher has spoken to the boy in question so we know it's true.

Apart from being badly hurt, a pair of trousers and a shirt were torn beyond repair. Would it be unreasonable for me to ask DSs class teacher to ask the tripper to pay for the uniform?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/04/2011 11:43

How badly hurt was he?

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:44

Yes I think it would be unreasonable.

As long as the child was punished I wouldn't take it any further.

If the parents offered that would be different.

reallytired · 05/04/2011 11:45

I don't think you are unreasonable to ask, but your chances of success are low.

Unfortunately little sh!ts often have bigge sh!ts for parents. Getting money out of a brat's parents is like getting blood out of a stone.

altinkum · 05/04/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 · 05/04/2011 11:49

Sounds like some trip if he was badly hurt and torn trousers and shirt!

squeakytoy · 05/04/2011 11:50

Thats what I wondered too Mosschops. If he was so badly hurt, I would be wanting more than a bit of money for torn clothes.

SerialComma · 05/04/2011 11:57

It would be very unreasonable to ask them to pay. Children do silly, impulsive things all the time without thinking hard enough about what might be the result. So long as the tripper has been told off, that is enough. Another day it might be your child doing something daft that has much more unpleasant consequences than he anticipated.

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 11:58

I suppose 'beyond repair' would depend on how well a person can sew.

Mind you, sewing seems to be a dying art lately and a lot of parents just bin torn clothes (myself included)

It's unworkable anyway. If schools start demanding money from the parents of children who have caused another child's uniform to be ruined, it's far too open to piss taking.

For example, how would anyone know if the uniform was new or a hand-me-down to begin with? Then there's the issue of children not speaking up and telling the truth because they know their parents will be angry at having to fork out money that they might not have.

SerialComma · 05/04/2011 12:00

(And it is particularly unreasonable to ask the teacher to be the person approaching the other parents: I'm sure teachers have enough to do without being financial go-betweens.)

louloudia · 05/04/2011 12:03

kids go through trousers like nobodys business

thats life when you have school aged kids

TheArmadillo · 05/04/2011 12:11

YABU
it's fucking annoying but you have to stump up yourself. I do sympathise as ds went through a phase of playground games that led to him going through several pairs of trousers that we had to replace. Then there was the kid who used to hide other kids stuff (luckily we only ended up losing one jumper).

It's infuriating but part of school life and your kid will probably get paint on another kid or knock them over at some point.

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 05/04/2011 12:14

"if the school lost his uniform on purpose" eh? Confused

Onetoomanycornettos · 05/04/2011 12:15

My daughter's sweatshirts have been drawn on by a naughty boy in her class. I have not sought damages.

charmum3 · 05/04/2011 12:17

is your son ok? how much of a fall are we talking about here, to ruin trousers and shirt doesn't sound like a trip, sod the uniform hun investigate whats going on at school, atinkum have to disagree being pushed about and hurt is not part and parcel of school life, isn't it bullying?

MmeLindt · 05/04/2011 12:19

How could he trip so severly that he was badly hurt and his clothes ruined?

squeakytoy · 05/04/2011 12:20

Is the op going to bother coming back at all?

MmeLindt · 05/04/2011 12:20

Charmum out it better than me. Sounds like it was a nasty incident and I would be concentrating on that rather than the uniform (annoying as it is to have to stump up for a new one)

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/04/2011 12:23

My DD had her uniform dress cut into ribbons by a boy in her class. I didn't seek damages but did PMSL when she came out of school with what appeared to be a hula skirt joined to a bodice.

purplepidjin · 05/04/2011 12:24

If secondary and deliberate, I would suggest speaking to the parents - torn beyond repair implies unwearable that day Confused

If primary, i think it's a case of shit happens and I hope the little monster lad who did it got a proper rollicking!

Original poster
bonkers20 · 05/04/2011 12:52

squeakytoy Why the impatience? I post at 11.42 and you wonder where I am at 12.20?!

OK, to answer questions.

How badly was he hurt: cut on hip, deep graze along one arm, deep cut (no where near needing stitches, but nasty) and further grazes all around knee. He was also a little scared (the other child is 2 years older than him).

What the other child punished:
This all happened on Monday 25th March. My DS spoke to his teacher the day after. I only emailed her today to ask for a follow up having left it until the weekend for her to get back to me.
I have been told that the other child had a serious talking to and that his head of year is looking into his behaviour in general because there are concerns. I am not sure whether he was punished (it sounds not).

altinkum I do not accept that being tripped over on purpose is part and parcel of school. If the school lost his uniform on purpose I would follow that up as well.

The scale of the trip:
Of course I was not there, but my understanding is that they were playing football, my son was running and the other child tripped him up. There are witnesses. It was on concrete.

The state of the clothes:
The shirt is torn from the elbow and also has a rip on the hip. The trousers have a jagged rip which could be patched with fabric about 5x7 inches. It would look terrible. I can patch, but something that large would be very noticeable. They were wearable but in an incredible hunk sort of way. They are also covered in blood!

Focussing on the right issue:
Thanks for those who pointed out that I should focus on him being hurt rather than the uniform. I'm so used to being pleased that it's only his knees that have been hurt and that I haven't got to sew another sodding patch on. His body heals, the trousers don't! There's a line though and I think it was crossed this time.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 05/04/2011 12:54

btw, with focussing on the right issues, I meant is he being bullied. Not that you are more worried about his clothes than him.

Kewcumber · 05/04/2011 12:54

I think Judge Judy would find in your favour but how on earth would you enforce it? Small claims court???

Original poster
bonkers20 · 05/04/2011 13:07

MmeLindt Thanks for your concern. No, he's not being bullied. All the boys in DS's class have been told to tell the teacher if the other boy bothers them. It sounds like the other boy might be a bully (a term I do not use lightly), but he's not targeting my DS.

Kewcumber LOL at Judge Judy! It doesn't seem that odd for the parents to be informed of their son's behaviour and to ask them to contribute towards the torn uniform. I would think that's all the school could do though, there really wouldn't be a way to enforce it.

I really just wanted to know if that was a reasonable thing to ask.

OP posts:
RJRabbit · 05/04/2011 13:12

If my son did that sort of damage, I'd want to sort it out and make reparation.

Iwantscallops · 05/04/2011 13:14

I can see where you are coming from and how infuriating it must be for you. I can see why you are tempted to ask the other parent to stump up for the cash.

No child would want to be wearing patched up school uniform. However, my main concern would be that, as a result of you making an issue of it, it may make your DS the target of the bullies 'attention' in the future.

Just leave it and follow up with the school to check they have given the boy suitable punishment.

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