I still find it hard to trust people full stop. The last guy I was seeing accused me of being too scared of everyone. He was right. DS was possibly conceived by rape, (I consented under duress around the time DS was conceived... a fact that didn't click unil DS was 10 months old.) so I struggle with getting close to a man emotionally AND physically. Six months after I got with ex-P, he'd threatened me with a knife after I said I wasn't sure about his friend. He threatened to kill me during a row on the way home from a nightclub. One evening, he had a friend round, who, after witnessing ex-P talking to me like dirt before collapsing drunk in the hallway, told me I deserved so much better. ex-P saw his friend comforting me, abd kicked him out of the flat, before taking a knife and telling me he was going to kill his friend. He returned with a bloodied knife, let me believe he'd possibly stabbed his friend, then laughed about it, sayiing that he'd only sliced his own finger.
The turning point for me leaving came after I asked him to care for DS for a few hours while I went to a college interview. I returned to find DS hadn't been fed, hadn't had a nap, and hadn't had a nappy change. A couple of days later, I had a phonecall from an ex who I was still friends with, asking if I was on facebook chatting to him. Confused, I pointed out I was in Tesco cafe with DS, to which he replied that my P must be on my facebook account, and he'd twigged it wasn't me when "I'd" called him by his proper name, not a pet name I always used for him. The next day, DS pulled a pile of laundry off the sofa, which was waiting to be ironed. ex-P responded by grabbing him by the arm. DS was 16 months old. The next day, while ex-P was at community service, I packed and got myself and DS to a refuge. DS hasn't seen his dad in 2 years.
The first guy I was seeing after the ex ended things after he couldn't deal with the fact I'd shudder if anyone touched me unexpectedly. ex-P convinced me that everyone I knew hated me. I'm only just repairing my relationships with my sister as a result. I'd left the first place I considered "home", as I felt everyone there hated me, as ex-P said. It turned out I had more friends than I realised, but I'd kept things hidden.
One of the things that depressed me the most? A year after I left ex-P, a friend who still lives near ex-P told me he suspected something was wrong; everyone had; and that they'd been uneasy when ex-P and I got engaged, and they didn't know why. Had one person spoken out, it might have given me the courage to speak out earlier.
IF you are suffering, then don't wait for things to change. They won't. Women's Aid literally saved my life, and gave me a chance to be a real mum to DS. If you think someone else is suffering, don't assume saying nothing is the best option. Chances are, their P has convinced them they're alone. Prove that they're not.