A message I want to share ......YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I spent 5yrs with ex-p who is DS1's father.

What started as a loving relationship full of fun rapidly turned into a destructive one.

First came the verbal abuse next the mental and finally the physical and emotional.

I had absoloutely no self esteem and continued to stay with an abusive man because I believed his words - that nobody else would ever want me, that I wasn't beautiful because my hair wasn't long enough and my tits were too small. That my body looked like a road map because of stretch marks from pregnancy. That it was norm for the man to look at porn blatently and then want to have sex with his partner. Forced me into sex when DS1 was just 2 weeks old and even though I was sobbing and begging him to stop he carried on. telling me when I was 5 weeks from giving birth "Is it any wonder I would rather have a wank than fuck you you are so fucking fat you repulse me"

I was at my lowest point when one day he was hitting me and DS1 then just 22m old shouted "stop hitting mummy, hit me stead daddy"

It was the wake up call I needed. I had been so so brow beaten that I couldn't see the wood for trees and couldn't see what damage was being caused to my son.

Fast forward to now I have been with dp for 5yrs now and yes we have had our ups and downs but on the whole we are pretty solid, and very happy. We have 2 gorgeous sons, DS1 and DS2 - if anyone asks DS1 he will tell them DP is Dad and ex-p is father - "the man that made me but never see's me"

Please if you are in an abusive relationship do your very best to get away - YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!!

I was engaged to (what I eventually realised) was a mentally unstable person for two years. I was living away from home and the mental abuse became increasingly bizarre. he would blatantly lie over the most ridiculous things, ground me down and was eventually physical. Throughout those two years despite me being a reasonably intelligent person, I really "lost" my true self. It took a work trip overseas fraternising and connecting with "real" people for me to realise this. It all came to a (physical) head one evening to such an extent that I threw as much as I could in a holdall and ran for my life. I rang my boss (I had a really bloody great job as well) told him I had to resign without working notice (I was petrified of the ex finding me) and fled to London with only a scrappy address of an old friend on a piece of paper (pre mobile phone days). Thankfully she put me up until I got my life together. My new life began on that evening and I haven't looked back.

Am now happily married 11 years with a gorgeous ds (3). My ex was a very recognisable "shape" (6ft 7" skinny as a beanpole) and I STILL tense if I see a similar shape.

I still live with the comments he made to me every day for 6 long, violent, abusive years. I've been away from him for almost 21 years and he's now been dead for over a year, but it's still with me...I don't know how to get past it all...glad I got out though; I just suddenly gained the strength.

I was at my lowest point when one day he was hitting me and DS1 then just 22m old shouted "stop hitting mummy, hit me stead daddy"

Oh god that made me sob!

So glad you're out of it now.

TLE that made me well up too, what a brave little boy, especially since that was the clincher for getting you out of that relationship. May you and your dp have a lifetime of happy years together!

Good on you Lady Evenstar - you are so right.
What hideous things your ex did and how dreadfully sad to hear your little boy ask to be hit instead

It was totally heart wrenching. But gave me the kick in the right direction to get him out and move on with my life. I spent a long time on my own with ds before I let anyone in our lives, But now we are so happy and he has a little brother who for the most part he loves and adores.

I wrote this after I got him out of my home...

A brand new day

Pain searing through me wishing they could see
all the warm cosy families around all they hear are the sounds.
I scream I cry I beg him why?
What have I done to you to make you this way
Why am i so weak why do I stay?
Smiling the world can see I love him and him me
Back home the smiles will fade I will suffer for another day
I hate this life all battered and torn
Maybe tomorrow when a new day dawns.....
Tomorrow has come the same again
I don't know how long i can hide this pain
"Don't hurt my mummy" a small voice cries
As on the floor his mummy lies
I am hearing my son I
can't move to him too weak to crawl to tired to stand
after being at the fate of this evil man
A new day is coming My sons voice is drumming
22 months old and so wise you see
"Daddy don't hit Mummy, please daddy instead hit me"
my son is too precious for me to stay here I
must take him away where danger is not near
I will pack his bags and tell him to go
It will be very hard this i already know.
The new day is here I brush aside a tear a
tear for my failings for staying so long
A tear for my sons loss.
I walk in our bedroom and say "i want you to go, you need to leave"
If you feel anything for us you'll go please"
Anger emerges, i call the police
They take him away....

Now begins a brand new day....................