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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the postie could have helped?

45 replies

FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 14:26

Whilst unloading my shopping this morning and gradually getting it up the steps (steep steps to the front of my house) I noticed next doors dog had been round again and helped himslef to our rubbish... it was scattered all down the side of the house. I left the two heaviest bags at the bottom of the steps (intending to go back, obviously!) to give myself a break and started to clear the mess.

Postman comes... I was clearly visable, shopping all by the front door, bar the two at the bottom, clearly heavily pregnant and he didn't even offer to bring the two bags, just posted the letters and carried on. I only noticed him when he was on the way down.

Thanks alot Mr Postie!

When did people stop being nice?! Sad

OP posts:
ashamedandconfused · 04/04/2011 14:29

.......when we got health and safety at work regs about what they were and were not insured to do while on company time ?

knockinonyerdoor · 04/04/2011 14:30

Since over-obsessive Health n Safety departments said they are not allowed to do anything not expressly covered in their job description.

Sad but true.

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 14:31

Is that really why? Bloody bastard health and safety.

OP posts:
frgr · 04/04/2011 14:33

When bosses started timing people's productivity, or pressuring them to work unpaid overtime, or reduced the relative spending power of lowest income jobs in this country by half since the 1970s?

YANBU to gleefully accept an offer of a favour to carry the bags.

YABU to expect him to go out of his way to help you during his round during his working hours.

It's possible he didn't even see you. or maybe he has a bad back. Or maybe you're the house he always gets hassle from when a signature is needed. Or maybe he was just worried about an upcoming driving test. or Maybe his son's ill. You have no right to moan about someone who failed to go out of their way to help you. Accept favours gracefully, don't bitch about others if they don't bend over to help you when you expected it - you'll be sorely disappointed a lot of the time.

FWIW, I would have offered to help you. But people expecting favours, when there isn't even any clear indication he was being purposely unhelpful, really gets my goat.

MoonGirl1981 · 04/04/2011 14:35

He probably has a dealine to get his letters posted too. And there's possibly rules about not doing other tasks while he's working.

I expect out of work hours he's lovely!

Have a chat to the dog owners though, they should be clearing the mess up!!

ashamedandconfused · 04/04/2011 14:36

yes but think about it - he falls down her steps doing his job compared to he falls down her steps carrying her shopping for her which he should not have been doing

how are insurers/employers going to look at those 2 scenarios?

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 14:39

Maybe I'm spoilt with the people I know, everyone I know would have helped in that situation, regardless of health and safety.

There is no way he didn't see me. I'm 8 months pregnant and massive. Was also nearly in tears because of back pain and havin to scrape shitty nappies off the floor, but he wasn't to know that I suppose.

OP posts:
Trifle · 04/04/2011 14:43

Why dont you do your shopping on line then you wouldnt have to carry anything. You cant expect other people to go out of their way when you dont help yourself.

louloudia · 04/04/2011 14:47

if he had dropped your bags, you could have sued him , if he had fallen down the steps, he wouldnt be able to claim compo

maybe nosy neighbours would have reported him

sorry, but he has to protect himself sadly

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 15:44

"you don't help yourself"

Thanks for that Hmm

Gosh, really suprised to get this response.

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 04/04/2011 15:46

Maybe the bag full of post that he was carrying was already really heavy, and he didn't want to add to it with your shopping and aggrivate an existing back complaint?

HeadfirstForHalos · 04/04/2011 15:47

YABU for not getting your bloody neighbours to come and clean up the mess their dog made! Do they often let it run wild?

RJRabbit · 04/04/2011 15:51

Tsk. What is the world coming to? That people's first thought should be to actually wonder whether they should help someone and it not be an automatic thing.

flickor · 04/04/2011 15:53

Older folk can be the worst - just put DD on a bus with pushchair - never again.

louloudia · 04/04/2011 15:54

but the feminist harpies will be screaming stop treating me differently cos i am a woman with a pushchair, do you think i am incapable etc etc

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 15:55

headfirst - possibly a whole other thread!

bubble - we're rural so he has no bag to carry...drives house to house.

OP posts:
tjacksonpfc · 04/04/2011 16:54

Im sorry Fanillafudge but you are being V unreasonable.

Why should the postman carry your shopping upstairs for you. I would imagine that he is like every other postman in this country at the moment. Expected to do more and more work in his 8 hours if he is a fulltime postie with no overtime paid. Also if he is in an office the same as my dp before they even get to go out on their own rounds they have to throw off all the mail for the part-time posties they are now employing to save the company money. I would imagine he is also worried about the shares he was promised 5 years ago if they had a pay freeze for 5 years are now worthless so he has now lost out on a lot of money. This could be some of teh reasons behind it not that he was being unhelpful or unkind.

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 16:57

Sorry, did someone mention sueing? Is that really how people think these days?

I am in no way thinking this should be part of his job, btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 16:59

My DH is a builder. He did a very cheap job for an old lady who was desperate, he lost money on the job, has to see a chiropractor once a week because of back problems linked to his job but he still stayed late and did her washing up. Just can't ever imagine him thinking 'if I smash one of her cups, she might sue'.

OP posts:
MrsSnow · 04/04/2011 17:00

Sorry I'd be happy if my postman just delivered my post and parcels!

tjacksonpfc · 04/04/2011 17:19

Would you expect you dh to stop the job he was in the middle of doing then to help someone, knowing that he could have a boss watching what he was doing and could get in serious trouble for it. Which could result in disiplinary action taken against him?????

doley · 04/04/2011 17:25

This is silly ...YANBU to expect a bit of help ~it would have been nice :)

Like others have said though ,there is prob some crazy reason why he didn't !

Maybe he might have thought you wouldn't want any help ?

There are many times when I know a man would have helped out ...but worried he would have been met with "Don't you think I can't do it for myself ...I am only pregnant ,I'm not ill !"

Lots of us don't know what to do for the best these days ...Confused

Original poster
FanillaFudge · 04/04/2011 17:51

Would that actually happen though? Disciplinary action for helping a pregnant lady with her shopping? Really?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 04/04/2011 17:56

Where was your rubbish?
Inside wheelebins, or properly binned and bagged inside black bins with lids?

How do you know it was dogs, and not foxes?

The foxes were at our rubbish all the time, until we got proper bins.

doley · 04/04/2011 18:02

fanilla I would hope there wouldn't be disciplinary action ...it was not my first thought ~but as some have said ,I don't think it is impossible these days Confused

Hate to say it ,I bet my local mail guy (here in the US) would have helped ~just a different mentality I guess .