Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I go sailing on Sunday?

31 replies

CinnabarRed · 04/04/2011 10:58

I used to be a really keen sailor, had a (very small) yacht down on the South coast. Then split up with XH, he kept the boat and I haven't been sailing since. I really miss it, but met DP (who gets sea sick on a boating lake) and had children, so happily traded sailing for the joys of family life.

I've been invited to a regatta next Sunday. All things being equal I'd love to go. But I wondered whether it was a bit selfish to take the whole day for myself?

Pertinent facts are:

  • it will be the first time that I've left DP alone with both DCs for more than an hour. I can see that DP's nervous about it, although he says he'll be fine. He doesn't like putting up the buggy or buckling the DCs into their car seats
  • I'll need to leave the house at 6AM, and won't be back until 7:30 PM, so won't see the DCs at all. (DS1 is 3.5 years; DS2 is 11 months)
  • DP and I both work FT, so it would take up a whole 50% of the time we have together as a family next weekend. DP sometimes (once a month, maybe) goes out with the boys at the weekend and stays away overnight, but he's invariably back by lunchtime the next day and without a hangover so we can still do stuff together.
  • I'm 17 weeks pregnant. My midwife says it would be fine to go, but DP is worried about the baby.

What do you think? Should I go?

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 04/04/2011 11:00

Yes go

Reality · 04/04/2011 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 04/04/2011 11:02

The first "pertinent fact" is absolutely ridiculous, your DP has to learn to cope with his own children on his own, and put up a buggy and put them into his car seats, regatta or no regatta. That is a basic parenting skill that either parent should be able to achieve on their own.

Secondly, not seeing your children for a day really isnt abandonment, honestly.

Thirdly, it will be good for you to have some time to yourself while he learns to put his children into a buggy ...

Lastly, if the midwife says you are fine, I think she probably knows more than your DP.

GO for it!

AyeRobot · 04/04/2011 11:04

Yes, go.

He doesn't like putting up the buggy? And admitted it? Crikey.

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 04/04/2011 11:17

Yup. He's absolutely rubbish with anything practical. Can't change lightbulbs, put up picture hooks, mow the lawn in straight lines, or put up the buggy without trapping his own fingers at least twice and it collapsing.

But he's a genius in the kitchen, does all the cooking and shopping, gives DS2 his night feeds (and did the same for DS1 when he was a baby), puts the bins out, does bath and bedtime each night when I'm too tired from work, and makes the DCs laugh until they fall over. He's also the kindest man I ever met.

Don't give him too hard a time!

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 05/04/2011 01:43

Yes go, it's only one day.

Put the buggy up and tell dp to leave it up if he really can't manage it. Strapping car seats isn't difficult but if he doesn't want to do it then he can manage without the car for one day.

After nearly a year he should be able to cope with kids at once so perhaps throwing him at the deep end will do you both a favour. If he's on his own with no car then it'll be a sink or swim situation.

EmmaBemma · 05/04/2011 07:26

GO! Go, go go go go. Oh, and go. It's only a day. My children are ages with yours and I'm off for a whole week in June to see a friend get married overseas - we couldn't afford for us all to go. I wouldn't even think twice about one measly day, and you will love it.

NinkyNonker · 05/04/2011 10:01

What's the forecast and what boat is it? I wouldn't fancy thundering around in a F6 in a sportsboat or doing bow when pregnant, but if weather looks good and will be on a fairly sedate cruiser type then would have no qualms.

But absolutely yanbu to have the day to yourself!

vvviola · 05/04/2011 10:06

What Ninkynonker said. But then I've always been a fairly fairweather sailor (I used to crew dinghies for my Dad - always on the condition that no capsizing would be involved).

Depending on where the regatta is, could your DP & DC come with you? We spent many many (most pleasant) days in various parts of the country as children while Dad sailed. Our holidays for a few years were based around various competitions (and one of them was where I finally discovered I loved to sail). At least if they come part of the way with you, you've shortened the time you're away from them, if that's bothering you.

When DD was 11 months, DH and I went on our honeymoon for a week. (My parents looked after DD and then our families joined us for the second week). I also went away overnight for my hen night when she was about 9 months. DH managed just fine (although I can't vouch for the state of the house!)

seeker · 05/04/2011 10:06

Go. He'll have to looka after the other two for a day or two in 23 weeks time - tell him to think of this as practice!

NinkyNonker · 05/04/2011 10:17

Having said that, I would go anyway even if weather was dodgy and have a chilled out time in the yacht club (or blag a trip out on the committee boat or RIB?), then join in the socialising after!

I used to (and still do, when given the chance) love the more 'thundering' style of yachting, the wetter and rougher the better (ooh err missus Wink) but age a little common sense has stopped me doing it for a few years. DH is off for a week over Easter teaching a yachtmaster course, jealousy has reawakend all sorts of long quashed desires to go out again!

ScroobiousPip · 05/04/2011 10:35

What Reality said - you owe it to your DP to give him more time with the children alone. How else will he build a relationship with them?

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 05/04/2011 10:52

The forecast is good up until Saturday - just waiting for the 5 day forecasts to update for Sunday, but if anything too little wind! The boats are F40s from the Sunsail fleet in Port Solent.

DP and the DCs are expressly not invited - it's a corporate event with work, heavily oversubscribed and no room at all for family. But TBH DP has absolutely no interest in sailing Sad and the DCs are not safe around water (those early swimming lessons for DS1 have backfired - he's got absolutely no fear of water or sense of danger but can't actually swim....) so I don't think he'd want to come anyhow.

I'm down as experienced crew (there's one skipper and one EC per yacht), so I've just found out that I'm going down on Saturday night rather than Sunday morning and sleep on board. I've agreed with DP that I'll drive down after putting DS2 to bed. To be fair to DP, he's never even tried to suggest I shouldn't go - I just have an overdeveloped guilt complex....

I'm so excited! I've really missed sailing very much. I'm hoping that when the DCs are older I can get a little cheap yacht and take them out for the weekend occasionally while DP enjoys doing his own thing. My first yacht was a ETAP 28i, and something like that would be perfect (my second was a Hanse 371, and that would be too much to handle with three kids, I suspect).

Bit nervous too - I hope all the old skills come back after 6 years off the water.

OP posts:
tiredfeet · 05/04/2011 11:06

Go! it will do you the world of good Smile . I can't wait till ds is a bit older and I can go out sailing again. I sailed on and off throughout my pregnancy and it was fine until about 35 weeks when I started to struggle on a long day sail when the breeze got up and had to go and lie down which was a bit boring.

AyeRobot · 05/04/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 05/04/2011 11:54

The Hanse was a real disappointment, TBH. It looked great from a distance, but was put together really badly. There was a chunk missing from the keel, the interior finish was poor, but worst of all she demasted in a F5 Shock, and it turned out some of the holding pins hadn't been closed properly during construction.

I was pleased to see the back of her when XH and I got divorced. (He got the yacht, I got the marine mortgage, because I earned much more than him!)

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 05/04/2011 12:07

Oh, what a shame. You've got to have faith in your boat, haven't you? Otherwise you never go anywhere. Sounds like a "Friday Afternoon Boat", or do you think it's true of all Hanse boats?

CapsizeQueen · 05/04/2011 12:13

Go! I only stopped sailing this pregnancy when the SPD made it impossible to climb aboard the yacht from the dinghy. Or get into the dinghy. Or get into my wetsuit for the laser....

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 05/04/2011 12:17

I think it was a Friday afternoon boat. Wish we'd stuck with the ETAP.

Love the name, CapsizeQueen. My name comes from the name of my first yacht.

OP posts:
CapsizeQueen · 05/04/2011 12:19

Ooh I knew a boat called Cinnabar.... I wonder if it was yours!

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 05/04/2011 12:25

Could well be! When we sold her, the new owners changed her name to Erik The Red Hmm.

Where are you based? Our Cinnabar was originally at Port Solent, and then we moved to Berthon in Lymington.

OP posts:
CapsizeQueen · 05/04/2011 12:27

This was the Channel Islands......

CapsizeQueen · 05/04/2011 12:28

So probably not the same one ....

Original poster
CinnabarRed · 05/04/2011 12:28

We did pop over to the Channel Islands a couple of times, but not for more than a few days at a time.

OP posts:
MillsAndDoom · 05/04/2011 12:28

You should go - it will do you good to do something for yourself; and it will do the DCs good to have some 1:1 with DP.

If you feel guilty then suggest he has a day to himself to do whatever he wants to soon.

Swipe left for the next trending thread