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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband not to expect a Fathers day?

31 replies

Chocamochalatte · 04/04/2011 07:13

if he can't be bothered to take DTs out to buy a card or flowers?

If he thinks he'll get presents / recognition on fathers day he's going to be in for a shock. He did fuck all yesterday, not even made me a cup of tea, you wouldn't have even know it was Mothers day.

OP posts:
compo · 04/04/2011 07:14

Yanbu

mumblechum1 · 04/04/2011 07:15

But does he care about Fathers Day?

OrangeBernard · 04/04/2011 07:15

Yanbu. He's a git.

redruby · 04/04/2011 07:20

YANBU. I am with you on this one Chocamochalatte.
I just came on to start a thread as I have not slept after being presented with a jar of multivatamins by way of my MD present last night! This was the only nod I got to it being Mothers day all day. And it was also my birthday (which also got no card and v little recognition).

I too have thought well No Father Day! But I resent that too, as it is just not like me to not acknowledge Father's Day or his birthday or not to buy the one I love even a fecking card!!

Sorry I have no words of consolation as I am still seething myself x

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 04/04/2011 07:21

Did he remember to do anything for his own mother?

DrNortherner · 04/04/2011 07:27

Sorry but how much of a twat do you have to be to not get your wife a mothers day card or birthday card from your kids. That is just so inconsiderate and thoughtless.

That would be a total deal breaker for me the first time it happened. Do you ever get a card?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/04/2011 07:43

Oh he'll expect it all on Fathers day...

His mother is not alive...

He normally does something...

OP posts:
Avantia · 04/04/2011 07:51

Yeap , I'm boycotting Fathers Day this year too Angry

lesley33 · 04/04/2011 07:54

tbh it is only in the last 10 years that I have come across lots of people who expect the father to organise things for mothers day, if the children are too young to do it themselves. I don't know if my experience is peculiar, but when I was younger, this was something the children did - although with a little bit of help from their dad when young. But if the children were too little to do this, then the mother got nothing.

lesley33 · 04/04/2011 07:54

But you should have at least got a card for your birthday.

FreudianSlippery · 04/04/2011 07:55

If he normally does something, are you sure he's not just forgotten? Which is still crap but perhaps not quite so bad as not bothering? And not the same as forgetting a birthday/anniversary.

What'd happen if you made a point of not doing anything this fathers day - would DH then pointedly not do anything next mothers day? Could this turn into an ongoing thing, or are you both more mature than that Wink

redruby · 04/04/2011 07:55

My DH Mother not alive either.

DrNortherner I hadnt thought of the fact he could have given a card from DS too (who is 7 months old), I was just seething over the no M Day card / No birthday card from DH! That would have been so thoughtful!

Maybe that is why I dont qualify for M Day ... because I am such a new Mum, but it has been very hard work so far!!

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/04/2011 08:01

No not forgotten, in a shitty mood. Not normally organised, often buys last minute. Would be nice to feel appreciated :(

Not sure I could actually carry out the threat of not doing anything for Fathers Day...

He better bloody make up for it on my birthday in a few weeks although I doubt it... Will come back and tell you!!

OP posts:
deemented · 04/04/2011 08:02

YABU. A little.

I got fuck all for Mothers day too. I didn't want a lot, just a card would have been nice, but no, nothing. He forgot my birthday this year too, and well given that our son and i share a birthday you'd have thought he would have remembered. But no.

Am i pissed? Yes. Am i fucking annoyed that he can't lend me the courtesy of thinking of me for five minutes? Hell Yes.

But. I wouldn't deliberately do nothing for his birthday, or fathers day. Because that would be cruel. And i'm just not like that.

Have i made him feel incredily guilty? You bet. Does he now know in no uncertain terms that i will do nothing more for his side of the family (i bought MD cards for his mum this year)? Oh yes. Is he going to be reminded of this for the rest of the year? God yes.

I wouldn't not buy him a card from the kids because although he can be an inconsiderate fuckmuppet, he is a good dad and i want the kids to celebrate that.

He might not get a present though Wink

QuintessentialShadows · 04/04/2011 08:10

Yabu to boycott fathers day.
Yanbu to be pissed off that he did not encourage the kids to do something.

You are not his mother, so he might feel odd about getting you stuff for mothers day. But he should be encouraging the kids to make you a drawing or get them to help him make breakfast in bed, if they are old enough. Otherwise, wait a few years. Smile

Nagoo · 04/04/2011 08:10

lesley 33 but presumably mothers were expected to get a card from small children to their dad?

I can't remember what happened when I was a child (and my parents marriage was shit so prob not good basis for judgement anyway).

OP I'd say nothing and do nothing for father's day. Act like you didn't even notice, and if he comments, agree it might be nice to make an effort, and ask him to set the bar for next year!

KristinaM · 04/04/2011 08:17

I would pissed off too. It's hard to miss the fact that's it's mothers day , it's in every shop /supermarket and petrol station. How hard would it be to pick up some flowers or chocs, get the kids to make a card and bring you breakfast in bed? And even more important to make the effort if you are new mum, it's even more of a big deal.

AuntiePickleBottom · 04/04/2011 08:18

how long ago was his mother's death? it may have something to do with it.

2cats2many · 04/04/2011 08:20

YANBU. And I don't agree with the views on mumsnet (other threads- not just this one) that say that dads shouldn't be expected to help young children get a card/present. They bloody well should!

This is one day in the year when your family should take a bit of time to say thank you to mums for everything they've done for them all year. Surely, this is particularly relevant if you are a mother to young children?

It doesnt have to be a big, commercial thing. It can be a scribbly picture, a lie-in and cup of tea.

OP the fact that your husband also didn't bother to acknowledge your birthday in any way suggests that this isn't just a Mother's day boycott, but that he is a selfish and thoughtless twat.

iscream · 04/04/2011 08:22

Yanbu.

louloudia · 04/04/2011 08:22

i would be annoyed and hurt too

if he cant be arsed to spend five mins getting a card, even from the petrol station, well words fail ......

Happylander · 04/04/2011 08:24

YANBU. I really wouldn't bother on his birthday or Fathers Day. My husband managed to send a card, send flowers and call when he isn't even in the county and hasn't been for 6 months so your husband is well out of order to not even make you a cuppa! This is from someone who doesn't really give a shit about mothers day.

lesley33 · 04/04/2011 09:12

"lesley 33 but presumably mothers were expected to get a card from small children to their dad?"

No they weren't. The idea of mothers day and fathers day was as it sounds, children thanking their parents. And my parents marriage is a good one - my dad regularly buys small gifts for my mum.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 04/04/2011 09:16

YANBU

I think it's not just a case of children appreciating their mums, but the childrens' dad appreciating their childrens' mum too. And if the children are too young to buy cards/presents/make dinner then I think the dad should damn well do it.

ledkr · 04/04/2011 09:17

why shouldnt dads be responsible for helping the lo's do something nice for mum?Its a learningn curve,how will they know the customs if we dont teach them,my dh was working but spent time with dd1 sat night preparing cards and litle pressies for her to give me on Sunday morning,i was very touched and will make sure he has a nice fathers day too.
My ex never did anything for me but i continued for yrs to do nice things including a suprise party and a day driving f 1 cars etc,after ten yrs i was sick of never getting anything and the dc's faces as they apologised for not having anything for me when they were small,that i stopped bothering,i dont think he even noticed tbh. Now we are divorced i still get presents and cards for him from dd as its important for her but he has never done it for her despite her being 8 months when we split up,fortunately my older ds's did it with her.

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