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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my sister should not go to work on the day before a major op?

30 replies

Sops · 03/04/2011 17:53

My sis is going into hosp first thing on tues morning for a major operation. I think she is absolutely mental to be going in to work the day before, surely she should just take a day to get herself ready for this. She says she has tons to do and I'm sure she'll probably end up working late in order to get it all done.
I'm worried about her.

OP posts:
BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 17:54

My guess is that she doesn't want to be sat at home thinking about it.

But YANBU to be concerned. You sound like a good sister. :)

supersewer · 03/04/2011 17:54

it may be easier for her to cope if she keeps busy at work. I'd hate sitting at home just waiting.

louloudia · 03/04/2011 17:54

why shouldnt she? what difference will it make

unfitmother · 03/04/2011 17:55

YABU.There's no physical reason why she shouldn't if she wants to. She might want to take her mind off things.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 17:56

She might be trying to keep busy to keep her mind of it. There isn't actually anything you need to do before an op.

BlueAmy · 03/04/2011 17:56

Just wondering, would it be possible for you to meet her for lunch the day before? Just so she has some time to relax?

elphabadefiesgravity · 03/04/2011 17:57

Why on earth not? No point in sitting at home worrying about it. Much better to be busy at work andsaving her sick leave for when she does actually need it.

violethill · 03/04/2011 17:57

Surely she is getting herself ready for the op, by sorting out her work, so that she isn't worrying about it unduly? She will have had time off for any pre-op appoointments, she'll have booked time off for surgery, and time off for recovery. Why on earth would she want to book additional time off before the op? I would work up until an op if it were me. I would have thought most people would! When my dd had an op, she was in school until the day of surgery. It seems odd that anyone would do it differently.

You're worrying about her is a separate issue, and would happen anyway wouldn't it

BooyHoo · 03/04/2011 17:57

there is no reason for her not to work on the monday. why should she use up a day of leave if she doesn't need to?

PureNewWoolWithPerfectStitches · 03/04/2011 17:57

I can understand exactly where you are coming from but I'm guessing that even if she treated herself to a lovely spa day or something like that she'd still spend the whole day fretting about the operation. If she wants to work then I'd support her decision and drop round a nice treat for her in the evening - some new PJs for hospital or something to let her know you are thinking about her.
I don't have a sister - if you want another one to worry about you can adopt me Smile

kaid100 · 03/04/2011 17:57

I think its her decision.

Original poster
Sops · 03/04/2011 18:12

I just worry as she is always super-stressed and never has any time to herself. She puts her work before everything else in her life and is already talking about how she can get back to work as soon as possible. She won't be able to drive for 6 weeks, but I bet that won't stop her.
I just think she works too hard and never has any fun. I would love to take her out for a treat but she always says she is too tired to come out, on the rare occasions that we have gone out she just talks about work.
She has two dcs, 3 and 7, and every night they are the last children to be picked up from nursery and after school club.

OP posts:
Lizcat · 03/04/2011 18:15

Everyone is different. Last surgery I worked to 6.30am and arrived at the hospital at 7am. I didn't want time thinking about surgery and I did plenty of sitting around watching daytime TV after the surgery.

MorticiaAddams · 03/04/2011 18:37

YABU. It's her decision and I would prefer to be at work and busy than at home.

What has she got to get ready that will take a whole day? Surely she just needs to pack a hospital bag.

violethill · 03/04/2011 18:51

Don't be judgemental. Shes an adult, she can make her own decisions. Your first post made you sound like a supportive sister; now that you're starting to criticise her childcare and family arrangements, you're in danger of sounding like you are perhaps a bit resentful of her in some way

expatinscotland · 03/04/2011 18:56

YABU.

It's her life. Maybe she has no need for your idea of 'fun' and likes her job.

dontcallmepeanut · 03/04/2011 18:59

YABU. But, only out of concern. Which would be better for her? Sat at home, worrying about how the operation is going to go? Or being at work, where she can take her mind of things, or even talk to friends about how it's worrying her during lunch breaks?

QOD · 03/04/2011 19:03

How odd - are you my sister? I am having major surgery on the 14th and am working on the 13th, then getting train and tube and walk to the hospital ready for the next day!

parakeet · 03/04/2011 19:07

I think she's the best person to decide on this, not you.

And for what it's worth, I worked up until the day before my elective Caesarean. It was fine.

Butt out.

PureNewWoolWithPerfectStitches · 03/04/2011 19:10

Oh no. I rescind my request for adoption after the 'always the last to be picked up' comment. Sounds more like a dig than genuine concern.

exoticfruits · 03/04/2011 19:13

I expect most people want to keep normal and busy.

Northernlurker · 03/04/2011 19:13

What's the issue with being picked up last? My dds are often amongst the last but I always pick up before the official closing time. Didn't realise that was a hanging offence Hmm

Original poster
Sops · 04/04/2011 11:40

No it's not a dig, she tells me at the weekend "I feel so awful, i've picked up dc's really late every night this week. All the staff are standing at the door, the lights are switched off and they've all got their coats on waiting for me to come." I often do pick up for her once i've got my two, but I can't do it every night.
I am genuinely worried about her- she is over-stretched and I'm worried that she's going to make herself ill.
If I text her to see how her day has gone she'll say 'terrible' almost every day. On friday night I texted her to see how she was, she just replied 'STRESSSED, STRESSED, STRESSED'.
I guess I'm not so much worried about the operation as I am about her life in general. It's not healthy for her to be under such pressure all the time. She doesn't get much support from her dh (ie. none).
I guess you are all right though, she is an adult and it's up to her what she does, I just want her to be happy.

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 04/04/2011 12:44

I worked until 7pm the day before my planned section. Great way to keep occupied and keep the nerves at bay and I swung by the shops for a few things on the way home. I'm not one of those nutter careerist back-at-work in days types. Just liked being busy when I'm apprehensive.

poopnscoop · 04/04/2011 12:48

I had a major op last year and worked till late the night before. Needs must, plus it helped me not think about the next day.

You're a good sis :)