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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my first mother's day

29 replies

owainsmum · 03/04/2011 16:44

Hi everyone, my little boy is 9 weeks old so this is my first mother's day, but I didn't get a card and my husband hadn't even realised that he should have done something. He knew it was mother's day because I got him to write a card for his mum a few days ago but it didn't occur to him that I'm a mother too now. He even said "it's only the first one", as if that makes it less important, when actually it's probably the most important and I was looking forward to a nice day with maybe even the chance to have a nice long bath later. Instead I'm being made to feel like I'm in the wrong for being upset about this, and as far as he's concerned he forgot something very minor and I'm over-reacting.
sorry to rant, I feel a bit better now though. Thanks for listening

OP posts:
posypoo · 03/04/2011 16:50

It's my first mother's day too, my LO is 11 months old. You might not get much sympathy on here judging by some of the other posts, so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I also haven't got a card and spent the morning cleaning as his parents have come round! I don't mind too much (sigh), but agree that as the mother of a new born it's not unreasonable for you to expect a break on mother's day. He probably just genuinely doesn't get it though. I love my DH to bits but he really is rubbish at things like this! I hope you get a break later. x

gallicgirl · 03/04/2011 16:53

YANBU
My LO is the same age and it's my first mother's day too. My DP has to work but he arranged a card from my DD. He's enjoying the occasion as much as I am and appreciates all the work I do looking after DD and trying to keeping house clean!

Perhaps if you had to arrange a mother's day card for HIS mum, that suggests he doesn't think it's very important generally?

We don't make a big deal of mother's day in my family but mums always get a card and appreciation. Perhaps now is the time to let him know how you would like mother's day to be celebrated in future and he can let you know what he expects on father's day?

louloudia · 03/04/2011 16:53

OP, you have unfortunately engineered your own downfall by buying HIS mother cards from HIM.

Original poster
owainsmum · 03/04/2011 17:02

yes, he is rubbish at cards and presents in general, but was there when I got cards for our mums so he chose his mum's card. I just had to remind him to write it. He even had the cheek to point out that this year he got me a valentine card but I didn't get one for him, when he is perfectly aware that I couldn't get to the shops at the time. It was only 2 weeks after my baby was born and I was pretty immobile having lost most of my blood after the birth and spending almost a week in hospital recovering.
Anyway maybe he'll remember next year if I'm lucky!

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 03/04/2011 17:05

drop hints next time of what you would like and remind him lots what day it is

SharkSkinThing · 03/04/2011 17:18

First for me, too - DS is 8 months - and although I had a lovely card and gift, it was business as usual! In fact it's been a really tough day as Junior decided to not take any naps! So guess who's been pounding the streets...Confused

...still, I will be having a posh M&S meal and a glass of red once he's in bed!

Grin
mumblecrumble · 03/04/2011 17:21

We had similar.

Keep it simple and don;t give hints have a frank chat.. My hbby asked for me to tell him exactly what I expected/hoped for so I did.... [sounds like I;m horrid but think he really appreciated it.... those advderts for rod stewart albums are misleading....]

I said that Mothers day was about little things and family time and didn't have to be stressful. For me personally I suggested that flowers were always lovely and that a small bunch that DD chose herself is better than big expensive bunch.

OR I suggested something small and mothers dayish - I suggested £4 or under and to go to supermarket and ask person where mothers day stuff is. I personally ADORE my tacky best mum mug and fridge magnet....

And/or something that little one has made themself. I suggested a card with a hand print on for when DD was one, pictures from nursery with message on etc....

The weekend before mothers day I say that I would like a long bath and would they like to use the kitchen for secret things

I make it easier for him and he enjoys this - he is very thoughtful but busy and easily phased by these things.... Not patronising him, he just is (I;m incredibly crap and filling out forms and sending them off.....)

mumblecrumble · 03/04/2011 17:25

DH is fantastic now and he enjoyed it much more :)

gordyslovesheep · 03/04/2011 17:39

you are not your dh's mother why would he buy you a card?

if you want a long bath take one

am I missing the point?

RunAwayWife · 03/04/2011 17:49

I would be miffed if DH had forgotten my first mothers day (14 years ago)

Maybe you should "forget" fathers day this time round

Fourleaf · 03/04/2011 17:54

I reminded DH a lot - I wouldn't expect him to get there on his own. I didn't get specific but reminded him a lot that it was mother's day coming up - my FIRST :)
I got a nice card, plant and breakfast in bed. Was pleased. Today it coincided with DH's birthday celebration but I still got a card and flowers. Had to remind him again but I still liked it. He does work FT and has a lot on so I don't mind giving reminders.
YANBU though - but I would drop some hints next time.

exhausted2011 · 03/04/2011 18:04

you are allowed to be annoyed.
it is a day to show the mother of your child that she is appreciated, that's it.
Your child can't show you, but he can and should.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:11

Don't think Mother's Day was celebrated until ds went to nursery at 4 and made me a card.

scotsgirl23 · 03/04/2011 18:13

I'm similar - first mothers day (dd 10 months) and DH "didn't realise he was supposed to get me anything"

I hadn't been up long when he went to the supermarket to get his mum's card (I'd bought the presents ages ago on special offer) and I thought, surely, he'll pick up flowers or something. But no, came back empty handed.

trixie123 · 03/04/2011 18:22

Am with you OP but you will almost certainly get more posts like gordyslovesheeps. Its mostly just a general man thing in the same way that they tend not to be as good at remembering birthdays etc. The idea of being sufficiently organised to do something well in advance like handprint jewellery or painted plates or whatever is highly unlikely but as others have said, it about some appreciation being shown for what you do as a mum and until LO is old enough to do it autonomously why on earth shouldn't DH/DP do it for them? DP tried last year but got it a bit wrong (nice present but not a mothers day type thing) but this year was much better. -Card said mummy, not mum (pet peeve of mine - when DS is small I want mummy!) and I got tea in bed and a mummy's photo album plus general extra attention all day (whilst also hosting lunch for MY parents). Its a nice, sweet thing to do that doesn't have to cost a lot. Am all for it - but do give specific guidance as needed!

charmum3 · 03/04/2011 18:39

you guys put up with a lot, my advice give him a nice kick in the credit card, buy a nice peice of jewlery or something to keepxxxWink

FunnyBumbleBee · 03/04/2011 18:48

It's my first mothers' day too. I got a lie in til 9, a bottle of prosecco, a card from DD, a fancy-pants breakfast with bucks fizz and two hours off in the afternoon... and about to have fancy-pants tea too! The specific guidance is definitely needed!

Original poster
owainsmum · 03/04/2011 19:38

It just would have been nice for the day to be a bit special and for me to have a bit of a break. With Owain being so young, only 9 weeks, I'm feeding him every 3-4 hours and am exhausted because he didn't sleep very well the last 2 nights, so a bit of time to relax in between feeds today would have been nice. Anyway, I'll remember to drop some very big hints next time and see if he gets the message.

OP posts:
maighdlin · 03/04/2011 19:43

YANBU. Last year was my first mothers day and i got nada. I had a pot noodle for my first mothers day dinner. Was absolutely fuming with DH, esp as i had spent over £20 for HIS mother. The worst thing was when i said something about he said "its not my responsibility, blame DD" (seriously) I was nearly hysterically angry by the time i went to bed. Not that i wanted loads but a card would have been nice or even saying happy mothers day.

This year however he learnt his lesson and i got a new apron and baking book. (exactly what i wanted) and not one but TWO cards, one from DD and one from him. I also have been given a pile of chocolate and control to watch whatever film i like tonight.

ZenNudist · 03/04/2011 23:06

OP I am sorry you feel let down. It's also been my first mothers' day as I have 7 m.o ds. Tell him he can make it up to you next week. Afterall your dc doesn't know what day it is so just move it to another day. It's too late for a card but not for flowers, a treat tea or your bubble bath :)

Don't be dictated to by greeting card companies. Have your own mothers' day!

Does your dh pull his weight the rest of the time?

MrsBonkers · 03/04/2011 23:25

My first Mother's Day too. DD is 9 months.
I really wanted today to be special as it was my first as a mummy. Don't care about any in the future, but wanted today to be different.
I don't think DH 'gets' that my life has changed beyond all recognition and his has remained unchanged.
YANBU

sue52 · 03/04/2011 23:44

I never expected a card from DH when my girls were tiny. I am his wife not his mother. When they were old enough to understand, I loved getting home made cards and bunches of flowers they had chosen themselves. YABU.

Hk13 · 04/04/2011 00:15

I echo what mumble said - don't drop hints - spell it out what you want from the day. My dp couldn't take a hint if it ran up and kicked him in the balls and after too many years of dropping hints and not getting anything I now tell him exactly what is required (not gifts obv but things like 'I want a lie in so can you get the dc up and fed' or 'I don't mind cooking dinner but can you clear up while I have a bath?' ) It makes for a much happier day if everyone knows what is expected of them (although a surprise is good too :))

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/04/2011 00:19

My first mother's day was pants. It was the last mother's day I had with my Ex H, I left him 10months later.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2011 00:24

My first as well. I told DH three times that I didn't want any flowers, pressie, chocolates but I wanted a card. A homemade one would be fine (hand print from LO would have been great). I got nothing. I spent all day in tears and finally told him that he could save the day if he blinking went and got one.

And, to all the people who repeat "you are not DH's mother" over and over on this site... I spent four days in labour, haven't had a full four hours of sleep in a year (rarely over 2 hours), do little things for DH all the time and am the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD and if I want a bloody card I don't see why DH shouldn't buy me one from my DD if I want one. It's so joyless to wish no cards on others. You don't want one - fine. You don't need to have one. I wanted one.

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