For ex dh to describe cremation to a 7 year old?

[alibo]

Ds, (just 7) is currently trying to come to terms with the loss of his only grandpa. He died in January after a long battle with cancer. All the family are missing him terribly and ds has found it hard especially. He was really brave and attended the funeral/buriel along with his 2 young cousins, and has found some comfort being able to "visit" him at the cemtery and take flowers to him etc. Ex dh has been made aware of how he's doing, and that he's going to take a while yet to come to terms with it, etc.
However, myself and my mum were totally gobsmacked when tonight whilst watching "Firehouse Dog" disney film on tv, ds pipes up that his dad told him this weekend that when HIS dad died(before ds was born), that "A FIRE WAS MADE, THE COFFIN PUT IN IT, AND BURNT UNTIL THERE WAS NOTHING AT ALL LEFT". Even if it was ds who questioned @ where his other grandad was,
Am i being unreasonable and actually livid, feeling that:
a) ex dh, (knowing that at the moment ds has a lot to deal with emotionally, coming to terms with the death of very close family member), found it necessary to go into such detail about cremation, at age 7??
b)ex could not have said something like he was resting somewhere near where he used to live etc(actually a long distance from where we live anyway so ds would not be expecting to go)
c)ex could at least have changed the subject and then had the common courtesy to discuss with me that the question had come up, and should we discuss a subject as sensitive as bodies being burnt in a coffin with a child still in infant school?
Totally unrelated to subject, but this is the kind of person i have to deal with:
Just to give you one (of many) indications of the sensitivity of this person, ds attended the wedding of exdh and his girlfriend 2 days before his grandpas funeral, and ex dh did not even notice ds was crying under a table watching the newlyweds snog and smooch. Ds actually told me this, and said all he could think was that he wished his daddy lived with us as he watched them.
This is also the same person who last year was actually capable of ignoring his son and would not even speak to him on the phone when ds came down with a bad urine infection the day he was supposed to be going on a camping trip with ex dh and his friends. Ds spent half the weekend at the emergency room, and the rest of the weekend in tears, and dh happily enjoyed the trip and could not even call him to see how he was.
Honest opinions would be appreciated, thanks x

Pixieonaleaf, yes i am actually disgusted about the way ex has treated ds with regards to most things, not sure if you've read the whole thread, but he has let him down consistently over the years, and put his girlfriends needs before his childs, every step of the way. Even the mediator we saw to establish proper contact with ds ended up eventually terminating the sessions as he said he felt he could no longer remain "neutral". He said afterwards to my solicitor he had never come across anyone as unreliable, contradictory, and incapable of making contact with his son a priority in his life.
And no, i have a good supportive family and group of friends who say i should be proud of how despite everything i have never once bad mouthed exdh or his actions to ds, and even when things have been really bad, i always remain positive about him.
2rebecca, without stating the obvious, i have only had to be involved in ex's holidays because for nearly a year, we had to rearrange nearly every organised contact with ds because his girlfriend continually books holidays for them, and he is so weak he just lets her go ahead, even if its meant continual disruption to his contact with his son. He spent nearly 12 months ignoring the mediator's advice, bleating about wanting ds to sleepover regularly, but couldn't understand how this was nearly impossible because he was actually away more than he was at home?!?! Think most people would agree that 9 holidays in 9 months isn't exactly normal?

Just to get back to actual subject of cremation, meant to say i have read various literature on the matter of children and dealing with death, and several do say that when explaining cremation "burning" of the loved ones body is best avoided in children of any age, as they can find this hard to comprehend and can then focus on little else in the explanation. Most info i read did offer more suitable ways of explaining it.
One in particular has a website : www.facingbereavement.co.uk/children-cremation, and think another one was the family education website.

Is some more info i had found on helping children with bereavement, going to try and do a link to it; but the section on cremation says:
"Never use the words burn, burning or burnt when explaining cremation to a child. Instead say it was in a very hot room, and that the loved ones body was not hurt in any way by the process."

But the body was hurt, it was burned to ashes. The person who once brought that body to life wasn't hurt as the essence of them is no longer there, and I would explain that to a child, but the actually body is completely changed.
We have scattered a couple of relatives ashes and young relatives have sometimes accompnied us. If they had been told grannies body was "unhurt" they would have difficulty understanding the ash scattering and would think they had been lied to.
I've always stressed that after death what happens to the body is irrelevent as the essense of that person has left it and it is just a shell.

I agree with others here that telling him about the cremation isn't unreasonable. The way I explained it to dd was that her grandparents were no longer in their body, that they were in the spirit world now and had no more use for the body. She's coped fine with that and was at the crematorium with the rest of the family.

I do think, however, that he sounds an utter nightmare over everything else. It's not on to be going on holiday so much without him. Do they ask if he can come along ever?

You seem to be angry with your ex for not reading relevant child berevement literature, and that is unreasonable.

whose dad was it, yours or dh?

i think i read it was ex dh dad - tbh his right to say what happened - you said there were 2 other cousins there as well - assuming from dh side of family - what was explained to them?

saying to the child they are resting/sleeping can cause more damage/fear rather said explaining about death/being buried/cremated and then soul going to heaven

Yes, probably "doesn't feel pain" would be better?