Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or am I paranoid re HV

49 replies

WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 19:26

On Monday I had a very odd phone call from my HV (a woman I've met face to face ONCE!). IT went along the lines of:

Is this xxx?
Yes
This is xxx, the HV
ok
How are you?
fine
And baby?
fine (puzzled tone)
I'm ringing about the home visit you've requested.
I haven't..
oh..hang on (paper shuffling noise) I see you been recommended for a home visit.
By who??
By xxx, the support worker.
I don't know anyone of that name.
She does the weighing of the babies at the clinic.
Oh her...never actually spoken to her
So about this home visit?
Um, thanks for calling but I don't need one.
Are you sure?
Yes.
xxx though you could do with one when she saw you in February
I don't know why, no thank you (polite still!)
Ok, but please do ring us if you're having difficulties.
I'm not, but if I do I will
Do you want to take my number? OR arrange a meeting.
No thank you, I know where you're based. Bye
Bye, keep in contact.

Now why has this woman said this? I'm dwelling on it, and if it means anything! On the day I saw her I walked in, didn't speak to anyone, quick weight then left. Bit tired and distracted but both dressed neatly, no marks, happy baby, my mind maybe a little elsewhere. Just a nothing really.

In the past they've annoyed me, her and the woman that register people gossip so much (inc. about my low weight son). My son has gained weight very poorly, but has improved now allergies have been indentified. If I'm really honest I find them and the hv annoying so I give them a wide bearth, but I'm polite, answer when spoken to etc. I have friends and work part time, I'm pretty normal middle of the road. They always say in an insistent way 'do you want to see the Hv? I've declined in recent months after many pointless chats and zero help. I go to the clinic once in a blue moon, though I went a lot to check his weight when he was losing weight. I last went in the first week of Feb. Though I (hope secretely) dislike them I try to be polite. The HV at this clinic (not the one who rung) is a useless, judgement old-school bag.

Do you think they're watching me in some way. OR am I paranoid with a capital P

OP posts:
Ismene · 02/04/2011 19:29

They are not watching you, they just want to make sure that they are offering you support and advice. It sounds like a pretty normal conversation to me, some people are scared to ask for help.

Flisspaps · 02/04/2011 19:30

You can ask them not to get in touch with you again :)

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 19:30

I'll apologise for the double post. I went in the wrong forum first.

I'm just so unsure of WHY they got in touch.

OP posts:
turdass · 02/04/2011 19:31

They're just doing their job (even if a lot of them are truly crap which has been my experience). I got home visits from the midwives etc when I was pregnant which I appreciated. It is their job to 'support' you and it is right that they offer this even if you don't want it.

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:32

No don't worry...it's fine. They do call up from time to time and they're bsy so they're not great at communication all the time. Really...it's fine! Mine did the same.

Olivetti · 02/04/2011 19:34

They often offer follow-ups. I've got the loveliest health visitor in the world, and she's been to see me about 7 or 8 times! Everytime I go to clinic, she offers, and I always say yes, because she is so kindly, and being from the older generation, I really value her advice. I really wouldn't worry, they're just trying to help.

Ismene · 02/04/2011 19:35

It will be the low weight probably. Not that you are doing anything wrong, I hasten to add, but that if the support worker spots it in clinic and doesn't pass it on to a qualified then they would be hauled over the coals if anything happened. If the qualified gets the message from a support worker that there are possible concerns and she didn't actually see you or your DS, and then she didn't contact you and something happened, she would be in big trouble. She called you, offered help as much as she could, you declined, she writes it in your notes et voila everyone's arse is covered. Sad but true.

onceamai · 02/04/2011 19:41

If I were you I would confirm in writing the fact that you don't need any further help. Explain the situation in relation to allergies and note that you obtained the required help and advice under your own steam. I would also request a written explanation for the call and why they felt you had requested a home visit when this was not the case. Copy to your GP. IMO they are a complete waste of time. I would also note the lack of help you have received so far.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 19:44

I BEGGED for help in the early days, he was a skeleton and screamed all day. Nothing. Just tutted and implied I didn't feed him properly, crp like 'change the teats'

He's been seen every monthly, then 3 monthly and now 6 monthly at the hospital for allergies and bi-monthly for chest check-ups (2 different hositals), 5 times A&E for chest infections/ diarrheoa relating to allergiesso there's a lot of notes out there on him.

OP posts:
BumWiper · 02/04/2011 19:51

i wouldnt overthink this OP.you obviously had a lot of stress with your ds being small,understandably,and they were just ringing to make sure you werent developing pnd.
im in ireland and our PHN (same as HV) makes a surprise visit after 6mths.if not for this visit a lot of cases of pnd would go untreated.

new2cm · 02/04/2011 19:52

"Do you think they're watching me in some way."

Depends what you mean by watching. I understand that health visitors are suppose to 'watch' all children under 5 just as the school nurses 'watch' the over 5s.

I think Ismene has summarised the general gist of what your phone conversation was about.

charmum3 · 02/04/2011 19:55

its their job hun, i am really lucky our hv great, although she did turn up unannounced on our door step three days after ds 1 had been in a&e with a bang to the head, but again just doing her jobxxxx change gp then you will get a different hv?

Birdsgottafly · 02/04/2011 20:07

Hospital visits such as you describe and possibly your 'distraction' at the time of the visit has been read as a possible cause of concern. The only support system some mums have is their MW or HV and for some newborns the most reliable safety net. Don't be offended their advice may not be that useful but they save lives and improve outcomes by being on the lookout for families that are possibly struggling. Surely you would want over vigilance rather than tragedy.

Birdsgottafly · 02/04/2011 20:08

If you change GP that may prompt a visit.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:11

I am changing GP, simply as the one closer to home now has spaces. Did on fri. Seems I know how to attract attention without knowing it!

I've taken it on board and I've relaxed though. I grew up in a soviet state and I hate state interference (ok I'm scared of it).

OP posts:
Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:12

I was just worried that this is one of those things that snowballs from nothing.

OP posts:
4madboys · 02/04/2011 20:23

actually that last bit may be way, the a&e visits as purely is if you have so many in so many months, they will phone and ask to do a home visit/offer help support/advice etc, i had the same when i had a spate of trips to a&e with ds1 and ds2.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:28

She said is was because xxx had recommended me as needing a visit.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:29

The woman doing the scales who recommended it has no idea of the hospital etc.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/04/2011 20:39

If you don't have family support then that would be another reason for extra visits. I understand your fear but they are there to help and support. They would direct any services that you might need. Some mums develop severe anxiety when their babies are not thriving. I would try to see it as they are making sure that you are not going it alone. Nothing would 'snowball', they want you and your baby to be happy and well.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:42

I don't have any family in the country-but how would they know this if I've always avoided them? I should drop it, but it bugs me why this woman suggested a visit for me. Not even a hv, I don't see them.

Also, on a side note he's coming up to 11 months, it's a bit late in my book to offer support by now. He's thriving for the first time. IF I needed support/ had pnd or anxiety I would have gone off the deep end by now.

I KNOW I need to drop this...

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/04/2011 20:44

It will all be on your notes, certain things are awarded 'points' these are mesured against each Local Authority's 'level of need' which is used to generate a possible Child Protection concern or a family that is facing difficulties.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:49

Checklists are what I'm paranoid about. Our house is clean, our children are happy, I'm happy yet I know if they visit and see 4 children and 2 bedrooms (1 is a cousin, temporary) or no family around, or a skinny baby, or me on a tired day we'll check a million bloody boxes. Then what? We are happy, kids are achieving etc.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/04/2011 20:52

This may all be new to you and that is why you are struggling to understand. The system the UK which has been developed is in reaction to child deaths, neglect and abuse, parental suicide and other sad events. Its there to protect the vunerable. You do need to realise that they are there to help. I would not feel upset by this, people should not struggle alone in our society.

Original poster
WeighingAndWaiting · 02/04/2011 20:54

Ok, I see your point. I have never seen this kind of news reported in my country (it must happen, but it's not reported really)

OP posts: