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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not repremand my four year old for lying.

33 replies

IAMGOINGTOBEGOOD · 02/04/2011 14:00

She is playing outside with friend (5) and sister (7).
Came in calling MUM MUM which I ignored as expect them to find me not me go to them.
Next thing after a potter in the bathroom she goes back out very carefully saying "Mum says yes"
Must have been sent to ask for water and decided to help herself.
Am pleased to not have been bothered and that she got it herself but feel the lying is not good. ( she is an accomplished lier and has been since she was two)
Oh but the peace is good (baby asleep) even worth the clean up later.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 02/04/2011 14:06

I'd be going out there right now and asking what 'Mum said yes' about. It could be anything Confused

louloudia · 02/04/2011 14:08

you sound pretty lazy OP :)

Original poster
IAMGOINGTOBEGOOD · 02/04/2011 14:08

It is water, heard the taps and the careful walk.
Also Tell-tale-Tit her sister would tell if it was dangerous

OP posts:
worraliberty · 02/04/2011 14:09

All you heard was her getting a drink. You still don't know what you were supposed to have said 'yes' about.

wannaBe · 02/04/2011 14:12

lying beyond unacceptable and I come down on it like a ton of bricks.

Mutt · 02/04/2011 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2011 14:14

I'd be investigating - she could have been lying that you gave her permission to go somewhere or anything.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 14:14

I used to shout back "Come here then" whenever they'd come in calling me.

Parmallama · 02/04/2011 14:17

I can't understand why you expect them to find you and not for you to go to them. What if they hurt themselves or really needed you to come to them because they were in some sort of trouble? I just don't get it!

Yes you should have been asking what you were supposed to have given your permission for, and you should be teaching that lies are un-acceptable.
You should be leading by example...but it almost sounds as if you can't be bothered.

Original poster
IAMGOINGTOBEGOOD · 02/04/2011 14:20

I can hear them, would be out like a shot if it was quiet.
Was light hearted post.
Have just had referee argument over the water, was very sure it was water.
Have banned the TV tonight as a consequence of lying.
Off now with my lazy self, as baby awake, to buy present and take child to a party.
Shouting would have woken the baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
IAMGOINGTOBEGOOD · 02/04/2011 14:22

Parmella you are quite right I care for three children on my own and for a few minutes could not be bothered as they were safe and quiet.

OP posts:
princessparty · 02/04/2011 14:23

Kids that age play pretend games all the time.How can you be sure the ' mum said yes' is not part of their game???

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 14:24

A lot can happen in a "few minutes".

:(

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 14:27

That's the thing, you can't be sure and it wouldn't have taken a second to check if it was part of a game or not.

'Mum said yes' could have meant 'Mum said you can go and knock for another child'...or anything really.

psiloveyou · 02/04/2011 17:34

Blimey, Lighten up everyone. I think the op meant this in a lighthearted way Grin

Made me giggle, I have a 3 year old who would have done that. It's not really lying in a nasty way. As for not answering them, I have 5 dc and do the same as the op. If they want me they need to find me. Drives me crazy when they are yelling muuuum from another room and expecting me to jump to it. If they are hurt I can easily tell from the tone of voice or crying.

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 17:36

i think the fcat that she has been an acomplished liar since the age of two may be down to the fact that you dont correct her for doing it. just a thought. but hey, if an easy life is what is important then you're doing the right thing. Smile

SoDiana · 02/04/2011 17:38

There was an article a while ago about how the ability to lie was a sign of high intelligence! My child is a genius. Hmm

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 17:44

psiloveyou. whether it was lying to be nasty or lying for their own gain. it is still lying.

if you only reprimand a child when they are lying to hurt someone then they learn that lying for self preservation is ok and justifiable. how many threads do we see in teh relationships section where someone posts that their DP has lied about something but they are sure there is more they are holding back? cheating partners lie to limit the damage to themselves when caught out. is this something we should encourage or teach our dcs is less bad than lying to cause hurt?

psiloveyou · 02/04/2011 18:37

Hmm 4 year old who tried pulling the wool over mums eyes v cheating partner, no sorry not seeing the link there.

I would have pulled her up on it but in a joking "nice try but caught ya" way.

Really don't think that is anything to get worked up about.

JoBettany · 02/04/2011 18:45

I am with you on this OP. I would go even further and say that it shows intelligence and ingenuity.

I would also have found it quite funny. Grin

Some people have got their corsets tied far too tight!

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 19:14

i dont think you want to see the link psiloveyou.

for a 3/4 year old the biggest lie they can tell is mummy not finding out something they did. it isn't a big thing to you or me as an adult because our worlds are far bigger than whether tommy drew on the wall. but if we learn as a child, from our parents, that that lie was ok to tell, then the next biggest lie is also ok to tell and as children grow, it stands to reason that the lie changes from tommy drawing on the wall to tommy drinking dad's beer and so on. our kids are who we teach them to be. you teach them some lies are ok, then as they get older, they start deciding what exactly they want to lie about. habits stick and carry on into adulthood.

compo · 02/04/2011 19:20

How can a 2 yr old be an accomplished liar? And what's wrong with a drink of water ? I'm a bit baffled

Ismene · 02/04/2011 19:22

They don't stop lying they just get better at it as they get older!

So out of all of your adult posters, none of you have told a lie in your adult lives?

psiloveyou · 02/04/2011 19:22

Do you have adullt children? booHoo