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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope the old bag feels a bit shamed?

64 replies

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 01/04/2011 20:47

I was shopping in town today with my DH and DS when we called in to a grocers. DS was crying, mainly through boredom, so DH waited outside with him while I went in to get the fruit and veg. DS was quite loud but not hungry or anything, just a bit fed up and we were going right after that shop.

So I am rushing round with my basket and this old dear says to her husband 'oh shut that child up, it's awful, nobody needs to hear that'. I said to her all fake 'yes he is loud isn't he but we need to eat so I do have to still do the shopping from time to time' The pair of them were instantly friendly to me then and asking how old he was and things like that but I was put out. I know crying is grating but do people seriously think you can just stay inside all day so you don't subject others to it?

I'm glad DS is 4 months now because if I'd heard that a few months ago being a bit more fragile and a bit more hormonal I would probably have been really upset.

OP posts:

shouldnthavegoogled · 01/04/2011 22:26

Ahhh, reminds me of my dearly deprated nana!!
Now she was an opinionated old bag. I'll be the first one to say it, and I loved her dearly. She was wonderful, she was someone I looked up to and I miss her so much since she died almost a year ago...but by god did she have a thing about voicing her opinion in public. It was as if she was just unable to keep herself to herself. And some of the stuff she said was hurtful 9/10. Combination of her age and deafness. She was hurtful about strangers and members of her own family in equal measure. Truly horrid. And if challenged she would just say 'but it's true!'. Old Bag!!

Now when I hear old ladies doing the same I just go 'ahh, I miss my nan'
I know it used to grate on others but it just made me laugh - she was just being an old bag and if you let it run off your back it was fine. It was part of her...erm...character. But some folk still got pretty offended and rightly so!

YANBU though. Children cry and that's that. Her bloody ears didn't melt. You'll probably never cross paths again. She was an old witch for no bloody reason and what she said served no reason or purpose other than to proclaim her annoyance in a public manner and as a message to the parent of the screaming child, which was fucking rude and mean!!And good on you for getting the rage out on here. That's what this place is for people. If you are not interested then leave the op the hell alone. She doesn't need your judgy she needs your support to feel better. That's what she's here for.

'What? It's true!' [channels dead nana's opinion]

chickchickchicken · 01/04/2011 22:56

actually OP posted in AIBU and as such everyone has given their opinion

exoticfruits · 02/04/2011 07:48

She doesn't need your judgy she needs your support to feel better. That's what she's here for.

She posted on AIBU! You have to expect that we don't all agree. She managed it well-so she hardly needs support. If that is all she has to cope with in life she will be doing well!

Bucharest · 02/04/2011 08:00

Poor you.

Fancy having a husband who is such a plank he carries on holding the shopping instead of trying to soothe your child.

Oh, and welcome to reality. To you, your child is, quite rightly, the centre of the universe. To the rest of us, he's not.

onlion · 02/04/2011 08:05

As people get old, they seem to lose their ability to not vocalise their thoughts. I would have been thinking exactly the same but am not quite there yet so wouldnt have muttered what was in my head. I fear it wont be lomg now as Ive come close to that "oh did i say that out loud" moment a few times. Old bagness here i come.

exoticfruits · 02/04/2011 08:10

As they get hard of hearing they don't realise that they are not whispering. I expect most of us will turn into grumpy old men or women-I am halfway there already!

iscream · 02/04/2011 08:13

The woman did not realize you were the mother. I am sure we all have a negative comment made about us by someone at some time in our life, that we never are aware of. You happened to hear it. From her reaction to discovering you were the mom, I think she probably was ashamed. As a mother, it is upsetting to hear something like that said about our tiny infant, hope you don't dwell on it. All babies cry, and nobody is perfect.

Original poster

redandyellowandpinkandgreen · 02/04/2011 19:18

Okay, my husband might be a bit of a plank, that's a fair point but the thread wasn't entitled 'AIBU or is my husband a plank?'

And I was nothing but nice to the old bag elderly lady, I smiled and was friendly, I wanted her to know it was my son and she should probably not say things like that as she didn't know who was around. I didn't call her an old bag to her face. I gave her no reason to be annoyed with me at all. Agree crying can be annoying definitely but I would hope people had a slight bit more tolerance and would understand that people still have to go out now and again, crying baby or not.

I have been trying to think if I was ear-wiggy-wigging or not and decided not and that it was a loud statement, loud enough for me to hear some distance away so I didn't barge in on a private conversation. I just wanted her to feel a little, teeny bit ashamed that she had said it.

PS I'm definitely not dwelling on it but was just a bit surprised as people have been nothing but lovely up to now

OP posts:

springydaffs · 02/04/2011 21:55

holds breath, dives in - ploosh

I clicked on this thread because of the word 'old' - I was surprised to see it tbh. If you change 'old' for 'black' you might see how offensive some of us on the ahem older continuum find it sometimes. Mind you, black bag doesn't have the same ring to it but, neverthless, one day you will be old, all of you, god willing, and you'll find it very strange the way people treat you, laugh at you, sneer at you like you're an idiot and you can't work out why. Then you realise it's because they see you as 'old' and to a lot of people that means you no longer exist or have the right to any respect. See the links with 'black'? Black people were treated like they weren't really human, didn't have any right to any respect....

Your story would have been exactly the same if you had not pointed out the age of the woman OP - who btw obviously hadn't meant to be overhead and was probably mortified that the mother of said screeching baby was within earshot. I realise 'old bag' is a figure of speech - I have been saying this to my friends since I was a teenager, as it is an affectionate jibe round our way - but in this case she actually was old, which seemed to be a large part of the story, at least as far as some of the posters are concerned - eg she's old, what do you expect? type of thing (= she's an idiot). Some old people are horrid but then, some young people are horrid too.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 22:01

She was being an old bag.

Babies cry...FACT. Yes they do get on your babs but she didn't have to be so rude and so vocal about it.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 22:01

'babs' being the new word for baps obviously

PrincessFiorimonde · 02/04/2011 23:51

Was just wondering how to phrase my post when I saw springydaffs's message. She kindly said it for me.

bigbeagleeyes · 03/04/2011 00:01

Thank you spring daffs. It was a point I tried to get across on another thread but you are obviously more eloquent than me.
I do find ageism rife in mumsnet, and agree if some comments were replaced by race/gender etc there would be an outcry.

EllenJane1 · 03/04/2011 00:40

I think the only unreasonable thing you have done is describe the woman as an old bag.

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