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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so f'ing unpset right now!!

66 replies

babybumpx · 01/04/2011 13:55

Talk about childish behaviour, you try to encourage your children to know right from wrong and make them apologise for their inappropriate behaviour and your penalized for it??

My DS1 of 6 had an incident the other day at school where he was involved in a little fight, the teachers dont inform us of this as they believe that it as been dealt with at school? My personal opinion is this is that I feel that is wrong, we as parents need to know if something like this has happened? So the following morning in the playground im standing there and I can hear clearly that my DS is being bullied, one of the other children said to DS that he cant play with all his friends anymore and if he does that means the "the bully" cant play with his friends, so I went over and asked "what is going on" bullying is not tollerated by anyone so stop now please" the little boy replied " my mummy said I cant play with DS and if he does then he's not allowed to play with his friends" I was upset about that to say the least, then I get to find out why this as come about and its because of the incident.

I instantly approach the little boys mummy ( the one that was the victim of the fight) to get all the facts straight, she informs me that it wasnt my son who actually hit anyone he was just cheering them on, that is what her son told her! So then i contact the little boys mummy (who told my DS that he cant play with his friends) to also find out whats going on) i ended hearing all different stories (headache)!! and so I decide to speak with the teacher at the end of the day, she informs me that DS did actually grab the little boy, so when DS came home from school we had a talk and yes that is what happened.

Also unfortunately that same day another child had grabbed my DS and another child, my DS's reaction was to grab him back! my DS told me himself, I wanted my DS to apologise to the boy the next day as it is not appropriate and I need to see that he understands this, as time out against a wall is not sufficient in my eyes. The mother was quite rude and abrupt, she said that this has been dealt with in school and that it is not necessary for him to apologise, my quick reaction to that was "well im his mother and id like him to apologise!" basically dont undermine my parenting!!! I'd like to think that im raising my son to know that you do not get away with this kind of behaviour!

Also this is a school that literally encourage our children to keep secrets from us as parents!?!

am I being unreasonable??

apologies for the very long and stressed post...phew glad thats finished with.

OP posts:
upahill · 01/04/2011 14:35

Yes they are literally told that I qoute "we dont have to tell our mummies everything do we, we can keep some secrets"!!, this is a separate issue.

I'm struggling with this to be honest.

Where excatly did you get this information from?
Have you had it verified?
Have other parents heard the same thing?
I'm a bit Hmm about it.

thisisyesterday · 01/04/2011 14:36

if he's that bad then why on earth is it a problem that she told him not to play with your son? i would be glad

i have told my son not to play with certain boys in his class before because they are not very nice and kept getting him into trouble,

you're way too involved in this. these things happen ALL the time in school, you cannot be informed in detail of every single incident.
school deal with it, it is over.

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 14:36

your son is 6........you should not take what he's said as the gospel truth here,its more than likely not accurate!!!

upahill · 01/04/2011 14:36

Ahhh you got the infomaton from DS about secrets.

Must be true then!

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 14:37

what was the sharp object?

orangeeyebrows · 01/04/2011 14:37

blimey, you are going to have a very long very stressful time while your kids are at school if you really cant tell when to interfere and when to let kids be

GeekCool · 01/04/2011 14:38

Considering the big hooha you have caused OP I can certainly see why the school keep playground squabbles in school. Parents getting all up in arms over a minor incident is not going to help anyone.

MizzyDizzy · 01/04/2011 14:39

"Stay away from whoever..." is a standard response issued by me to my lot for stuff like this.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/04/2011 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 14:42

i tell my dc to stay away too.......generally these things blow over

op,you will alienate your ds YOURSELF if you carry on like this you know.

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:42

I was there when the teacher said it, she had told a friends DS , she directly said it infront of myself.."we dont have to tell our mummies everything do we, we can keep some secrets"!!

The sharp object was from a plastic bottle or something similar, he passed it to him very sheepishly, luckily i saw as otherwise DS would have been in trouble for that.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 14:42

well was it near mothers day/xmas when she said that?? keep it real.....

GeekCool · 01/04/2011 14:45

OP if the boy is a bad influence wouldn't you already be guiding your son away from him?

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:45

Obviously I have completely overreacted about it all....I done what I thought was right, certainly dont make issues like this normally, this is the first time its happened.

I am a little sensitive about things I will admit

OP posts:
MortenHasNiceShirts · 01/04/2011 14:45

If you were as aggressive as you've come across on this thread I'm not surprised she went to the head teacher to complain about you.

upahill · 01/04/2011 14:47

Hang on I'm getting confused.

You said 'IloveTiffany Yes from my DS's mouth!
about the secrets.
Now you say I was there when the teacher said it, she had told a friends DS , she directly said it infront of myself.."we dont have to tell our mummies everything do we, we can keep some secrets"!!

I'm just trying to keep up.

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:47

iloveTIFFANY....no it wasnt...I dont think encouraging children to keep secrets is something to ignore??

I take it you would be happy for your childs teacher to say that???

OP posts:
monoid · 01/04/2011 14:48

Also want to warn you that there have been 3 parents banned from the playground at my dds school over the past month. Both for their behaviour towards teachers and towards other parents.
You need to let it go a bit. Children fall out. It's all part of the learning process. And have a bit of faith that the teachers actually know what they are doing.

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:48

MortenHasNiceShirts sorry my mistake...It did not come from DS's mouth

OP posts:
upahill · 01/04/2011 14:49

*iloveTIFFANY....no it wasnt...I dont think encouraging children to keep secrets is something to ignore??

I take it you would be happy for your childs teacher to say that???*

If this was the case I would say to teacher DS says that they have to keep secrets from parents. What does he mean? Have you said anything to make him think that?'

You feel strong about it so I assume you have checked out the facts and asked.

MadamDeathstare · 01/04/2011 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:50

I am sorry if i am coming over aggressive, I cant say that you can judge that by typo but I am truly not, i was very apologetic about it with her

OP posts:
TheGrimSweeper · 01/04/2011 14:51

OP, you need to chill out, this is really not worth being stressed enough to post about Grin As far as I can see, no bullying has gone on here - just the usual playground dramas that happen every day in every school up and down the country.

Lesson from this should be - NEVER approach other parent/children directly about this sort of thing. ALWAYS sort out with the teacher if you're concerned. Children's version can not always be relied on as clearly at this age they often lack a sense of perspective... understandably

AccioPinotGrigio · 01/04/2011 14:51

None of us want our kids to struggle at school and lots of us (esp. those like myself who have been bullied) worry that our kids will end of on the receiving end of a bullies attention.

We also want our kids to behave well. I can see that you also feel this way but I do think that your response is hyper-sensitive and extreme. These are 6 year olds we are talking about, they are still small, still learning how to be and not really in control of themselves all the time. They do and say silly things and you have to be a little bit flexible. You can't expect them to behave like adults. With respect you sound a little rigid and all about punishment.

Original poster
babybumpx · 01/04/2011 14:52

I will do that today in meeting...I heard with my own ears what she said so I will definately raise it with her and just ask what she meant by it.

OP posts:
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