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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my child to travel to Aus with someone I don't know?

65 replies

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 13:24

So, his father is moving back to Australia and wants him to come and visit - fine. My ds is 13. My ex has contacted me via solicitor to say he wants ds to come out this Christmas, and to travel with someone I have never heard of, let alone met. apparently this person is a good friend of the family.

Would a court expect me to agree to this? It seems wrong to me, I haven't discussed it with ds yet, as there are lots of other things going on with this move, but wondered what would you do/think?

In the solicitor's letter there is also a long list of people, from vague relatives to friends to work colleagues who are suggested as future travelling companions - none of which I have met.

I am only really happy with immediate family that I have met acting as chaperone, but would be grateful for other perspectives or experiences, thanks.

OP posts:

Maryz · 01/04/2011 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twilight3 · 01/04/2011 15:53

I understand it's difficult for you, but I think YABU. If he was to travel with someone you trust but his dad doesn't know, would you think he would be unreasonable to disagree?

I don't know the background there, but given that the court has granted him access in another continent I'd say he's a normal parent who puts his child's safety and wellbeing first.

I've done the trip a few times, I think a 13yo will have a ball with all the videogames and free movies (at least that's what my kids say)

It must be tough that he'll be so far away for christmas, you have my sympathy OP

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 15:58

I guess I am just thinking about him getting upset/lost/anxious and being with someone that I have never met, in a strange place.

Maryz I already said he would be going, in a previous post, just that I was worried about the travel arrangements. It is a long way, there probably will be changes or stopovers, and I suppose I am concerned, as I thought his dad would be the one doing the travelling with him.

He wants to go, that's not the issue, I was just a bit flummoxed when I saw this strange name in the letter, when it's the first I've heard of this person.

OP posts:

MikeRotch · 01/04/2011 15:59

lol the son is 13 fgs

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 16:01

twilight thanks for your post, I appreciate it. His dad would almost certainly disagree to him travelling with someone he didn't know, or kick up a huge fuss anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 16:03

Mike I know 13 to some people is nearly grown up, but he is still a child. With a worried mum.

OP posts:

Maryz · 01/04/2011 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MikeRotch · 01/04/2011 16:07

maybe if you LET GO a bit hed grow up

squeakytoy · 01/04/2011 16:07

Would you let your son travel with YOUR best friend? Your husband knows this person and presumably trust them to chaperone your son. I cant see why there should be a problem.

SuchProspects · 01/04/2011 16:08

OP - Is your ex's judgement of people particularly poor? I haven't seen any other posts by you so don't know much about your situation, but you aren't clear on why you think your ex's judgement on someone's suitability is insufficient.

Lovethelittlefishes · 01/04/2011 16:11

MikeRotch - She is letting him go to Australia without her - how much more do you insist she LET GO?

OP, can you talk to your ex reasonably? Find out about the person (do a CRB check ), talk to them, etc. You might be fine with it once you have more details.

VivaLeBeaver · 01/04/2011 16:14

I think you need to trust your ex on this. Unless there is some history of him that gives you a reason not to. Your DS is 13 not 3.

When I was 12 I caught a bus to the south of France on my own. Had to change in London and terhe was a 7 hour wait at Victoria. So I pooped my bag in Left Luggage, got a tube map and went exploring. My mum nearly died as we're from the sticks and the thought of me at 12 in London was terrifying for her. But at 12 my head was screwed on very well and I wasn't bothered by any of it. Didn't even have mobile phones in those days. And I was going to stay with someone that neither me or my parents had ever met. But a friend of my mum's had met them and said they were nice enough!

verysomething · 01/04/2011 16:17

Sorry but YABU. What do you mean, there'll 'probably' be stopovers or changes?? There's no 'probably' about it, for goodness sake, you CHOOSE a flight that doesn't stopover.

You should be online NOW looking at possible flights - I've done this flight countless times and the cheapest Christmas fares are booked out by April for one thing! Then you look at the options which will list the airport where the plane refuels (so you can make sure it's somewhere v civilised like Singapore or Hong Kong) and how long it stops for. Most of them it's just for 2 hours, and everyone stretches their legs and then gets herded back on the plane.

Silly to worry about 'what if's' when you are in complete control of what kind of journey he takes. Just don't book a flight that stops in Bangkok for 12 hours, it's not rocket science

It's fine to be a bit precious with DS but it's not fine to be a ninny.

worraliberty · 01/04/2011 16:21

Meet the person and take your son along.

If your son's father is comfortable with this person escorting him, how bad can it be?

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 16:22

I won't be booking the flight tho vs, his dad will?

OP posts:

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 16:24

I know Maryz, I guess I just wasn't really thinkng of the practicalities, and thought his dad would do it. I will have to decide, thanks everyone for your input, and Viva la Beaver, that's an impressive journey, props to you for that!

OP posts:

verysomething · 01/04/2011 16:26

Ah... that does complicate it a bit. Hope his dad can be reasonable and understand the need to put your son on a flight that has:

as short a refuelling stop as possible
preferably doesn't change planes
with a sensible airline like BA or Qantas and not some dodgy airline.

I hope that having these measures would reassure you a bit? It is daunting I know when it's all a bit unknown but he'll love the trip!

myredcardigan · 01/04/2011 16:27

Bloody hell, she's not saying she won't let him go. She's saying she is worried about him travelling with a stranger. Personally, I wouldn't agree. I'd have no problem letting him fly as an UM as then I would fee secure knowing that during the stopover, he would be looked after rather than in the pub or something.

Plus, when I was 13, I would have felt far more comfortable travelling on my own than with a strange adult assigned to look after me.

Maryz · 01/04/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 01/04/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myredcardigan · 01/04/2011 16:36

I know, I just felt she was getting an unnecessary flaming because a) she did say she would let him go and b) some 13yr olds are very young and immature.

The OP needs to feel comfortable with the situation. If she and her son are more comfortable with the crew being responsible rather than an adult neither of them know then that sound like the best plan.

Original poster

discobeaver · 01/04/2011 17:12

Talking it out here and getting everyone's ideas and suggestions has really helped, thanks again. It's hard when it's your own kid to keep a clear head.

OP posts:

tigitigi · 01/04/2011 17:12

Have him fly on his own as an unaccompanied Minor - you can book Universal Aunts to help. I flew all over on my own from a very young age.

CharlieCoCo · 01/04/2011 17:46

i use to be a nanny for a child whos dad was in London and mum in Australia and i took her back and forth from the age of 6 to 8 and i left when she was 8yrs old an since then shes been flying to and from aus by herself as an 'unaccompanied minor', so one parents checked her in and the other picked her up and an air hostess kept an eye on her during the flight and took her to the right gate at her stop over etc.

zipzap · 01/04/2011 20:03

Regardless of what you end up doing send an email to your ex with a list of names on that are people that you know but he doesn't and see what his response is when you say you don't know and therefore want or trust them As companions for your son and how about these instead...

Might at least make your ex a bit more understanding of how you feel!

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