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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have told my DS "tough" and sent him away crying?

63 replies

sickoftheholidays · 31/03/2011 17:59

to give a littl e background, DS (6) is a fussy eater. I mean really fussy, whingy, and with a small appetite for proper food and a huge appetite for biscuits and junk food.
He came home from school today complaining that he was starving, so I got tea on straight away, it was ready for 4.30, it was pizza and dough balls. Not at all nourishing, but I do do it once a week, usually when I've had a rough day at work and cant be arsed to cook anything more complex.
DS has 3 pieces of pizza and 3 dough balls on his plate. He has 1 bite from the end of each piece of pizza and then says he's finished. I say no, you can have a proper go at eating it, he then has another reluctant bite from each piece of pizza and again says he doesnt like the cheese any closer to the crust as it tastes funny. Oh, and the doughballs taste funny too.
So I said fine, off you go outside and play but dont be asking for anything else to eat as you wont be getting anything.
10 minutes later he's in the kitchen cupboard looking for biscuits because he's starving, cue me hiding all the biscuits and kicking my crying and allegedly starving child back out to play with his friends.
AIBU to think he is just being an awkward bugger and its tough shit if he's hungry, he will learn to eat his bloody dinner!
I've tried ignoring his not eating, I've tried bribery, I've tried everything, nothing works. I'm not a bad cook, but whatever I give him, he manages about 2 mouthfulls then says he's full before begging for biscuits within half an hour of finishing. If I let him (which I dont) he will eat an entire packet of custard creams between meals, but refuses healthy snacks like carrot sticks, cream cheese and bread sticks, ham, grapes etc.

OP posts:

marmaladetwatkins · 31/03/2011 18:02

YANBU.

If he is hungry he will eat what is in front of him. My DS has accepted this now.

PeachesandStrawberry · 31/03/2011 18:02

How old is he?

My DS is 2 and he is much the same. Don't know what to say. Hopefully someone else will come and advise you.

PeachesandStrawberry · 31/03/2011 18:03

Sorry re-read your OP and found he is 6

TheVisitor · 31/03/2011 18:04

He's on a learning curve. If you keep standing firm on this, he'll start eating more at mealtimes. Don't even buy the biscuits and then there's no issue with them.

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 18:04

I make you right. I wouldn't have hidden the biscuits though, I would have simply told him he wasn't allowed them.

It's different if he really hated the food you put in front of him and couldn't stomach it, but as that's not the case I think YANBU.

TattyDevine · 31/03/2011 18:04

YANBU. He sounds older than 2, he sounds school aged.

YANBU, pizza and dough balls would be like WOW for lots of kids, he has reached that second scary stage of pickiness if he wont eat that, you have to nip it big style

iskra · 31/03/2011 18:06

YANBU. 6 is old enough to learn.

kittybuttoon · 31/03/2011 18:06

No, YANBU.

Sounds like he finds proper mealtimes boring, compared to raiding the cupboard for tasty treats.

Get rid of all the biccies and junk stuff out of the house, and stick to your guns on the healthy snacks.

If he continues to forage for himself, at least you'll know he's not eating rubbish, because you won't have any nasties for him to find!

MmeLindt · 31/03/2011 18:07

Is it something that he would normally eat more of?

Is there anything that he likes to eat (aside from crisps and biscuits)?

I would say YANBU but would offer to heat up the pizza.

Ormirian · 31/03/2011 18:07

Yes he is being an awkward bugger. Hunger is one thing, fancying some to eat is quite another.

Original poster

sickoftheholidays · 31/03/2011 18:08

he's seriously picky. the only 3 things that he likes and will eat willingly is boiled egg and toast, beans and toast, and weetabix for breakfast.
I did think it was something I was doing but then his little sister is a walking dustbin and happily has a try at anything once, and if she doesnt like it will say so, but likes most things, she is almost 5.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 18:08

Why should the OP get rid of all the biccies and junk? The OP or the rest of the family may want to eat them as part of a balanced diet.

Removing temptation isn't the answer...learning to cope with it is.

laInfanta · 31/03/2011 18:09

YANBU, and don't buy biscuits and crap - then he can't have it

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 18:11

I'm the youngest of 5 kids.

How would it have been fair for my parents to ban everyone else from eating biscuits etc...just because I wouldn't eat my dinner?

MmeLindt · 31/03/2011 18:12

Agree with Worra. Why should rest of the family not be allowed crisps and biscuits?

Strict mealtimes - you eat 10 full mouthfuls of your food.

I found making DS count how many mouthfuls he was eating helped. We are up to 16.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 31/03/2011 18:12

No don't get rid of the biscuits and things just firmly tell him no. For what it's worth I have 2 children, one 4 yr old will not eat anything and im not quite sure how he is still healthy tbh and the other 6 yr old eats like a horse.
As long as you are firm and say, 'this is your dinner ds, either eat it or go hungry.' then he will learn in time.

Gingefringe · 31/03/2011 18:13

There's something very addictive about junk food I think so you'll probably have to try to wean him off this stuff.
So very frustrating to have a child act like this - he probably doesn't hate what you've given him tonight, just prefers the biscuits.

Dont think that any child would starve themselves interntionally so you just have to persevere by restricting him to mealtime food only and cut out the snacks.
My nephew is like this and mealtimes are a constant nightmare and a real battleground - with him I think it's more of an attention seeking thing as apparently he eats well at school - he's 7. What does your DS have at lunchtime?

FabbyChic · 31/03/2011 18:16

Is he by chance coming down with a throat infection? If he normally eats the pizza but hasn't this time that could be a contributory factor, as when you have a throat infection of any kind food taste like shite.

Flowerpotmummy · 31/03/2011 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NannyBeth · 31/03/2011 18:18

I agree with you totally! And this is from an ex-extremely pick eater too!! Though I would have left his pizza on the side/in the fridge as the only option for food before bedtime. Only if he had eaten it all would I offer anything else! I think if my mum had tried this with me I might have been better with eating...

And I agree with worra re buying treats. Don't not buy any, just keep them out of his reach

wubblybubbly · 31/03/2011 18:26

YANBU. DS is 4, he knows that he doesn't have to eat his dinner, but if he chooses not to, he certainly doesn't get anything else.

GoldenGreen · 31/03/2011 18:26

Like FabbyChic says - check his throat is ok - I was a very fussy eater as a child and eventually it was discovered that it was due to recurrent throat infections. Things got better as soon as I had my tonsils out.

Although the fact he will happily much bisuits leads me to think he is just picky! I would deal with it as you have I think.

beesimo · 31/03/2011 18:28

I think you need to take control of the food situation because it can only end in tears , yours and DSs. I have 5DCs all of which eat everything because I didn't allow faddy behaviour I wouldn't deliberately give them a huge amount of anything they don't like put when I plate up they all get at least a small bit of everything being served. This is partly so when they eat at friends places they will eat whatever their served but also because I am not clarting about every mealtime making this for one and that for another.It is not a hotel you don't get to order off a menu.

DD3 is going into yet another phase she has a 'really sore throat which makes her feel like she is chooooking when she eats her liver and onions' sorry pet your eating it. Harsh nasty Mam? Maybe but I know for a fact if I let her off having her tea by 8pm she be in the kitchen getting yougurt,mangnum bars, nutella ect ect. I am ensuring she has proper food because she hasn't the maturity to ensure it for her self yet.

Its tough but it is done out of love.

BarbarianMum · 31/03/2011 18:32

YANBU - I think it would have been reasonable to offer him the remains of his pizza/dough balls to finish up (cold) if he wanted them but other than that, no way.

flyingspaghettimonster · 31/03/2011 18:40

I am in the same situation :-( my 5 year old is super fussy - we have fights so often because I insist he tries something before saying he hates it - he decides so randomly whether or not he will like food. It had reached the point where he only had about three foods he would eat (luckily broccoli, bacon and cheese quesadillas, so he wouldn't die of malnutrition). He is also terribly stubborn so playing nice wasn't working. I stopped letting him have dessert if he didn't eat at least one mouthful of the food he claimed to hate, if it was a new food. I stopped fighting on the stuff I already knew he didn't like, instead making something separate for him. He gets no attention for refusing to eat and no snacks after a meal he has rejected, but I do allow milk.

Now he tries foods most times willingly, we have less riots and he knows I won't backdown. If I can see he is really tired and a meltdown is likely, I take care to choose my battles and make something non-contentious for him. He has just discovered he loves cauliflower too so that's good, but he has decided a whole heap of foods he previously liked are yucky - same reasons as your son - cheese tastes funny on previously liked pizzas...

I am hoping it is a stage he will grow out of. We are currently working on a sticker chart for other behaviour issues, which is going well and when that is finished, I will use it for mealtimes.

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