Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told my DS "tough" and sent him away crying?

63 replies

sickoftheholidays · 31/03/2011 17:59

to give a littl e background, DS (6) is a fussy eater. I mean really fussy, whingy, and with a small appetite for proper food and a huge appetite for biscuits and junk food.
He came home from school today complaining that he was starving, so I got tea on straight away, it was ready for 4.30, it was pizza and dough balls. Not at all nourishing, but I do do it once a week, usually when I've had a rough day at work and cant be arsed to cook anything more complex.
DS has 3 pieces of pizza and 3 dough balls on his plate. He has 1 bite from the end of each piece of pizza and then says he's finished. I say no, you can have a proper go at eating it, he then has another reluctant bite from each piece of pizza and again says he doesnt like the cheese any closer to the crust as it tastes funny. Oh, and the doughballs taste funny too.
So I said fine, off you go outside and play but dont be asking for anything else to eat as you wont be getting anything.
10 minutes later he's in the kitchen cupboard looking for biscuits because he's starving, cue me hiding all the biscuits and kicking my crying and allegedly starving child back out to play with his friends.
AIBU to think he is just being an awkward bugger and its tough shit if he's hungry, he will learn to eat his bloody dinner!
I've tried ignoring his not eating, I've tried bribery, I've tried everything, nothing works. I'm not a bad cook, but whatever I give him, he manages about 2 mouthfulls then says he's full before begging for biscuits within half an hour of finishing. If I let him (which I dont) he will eat an entire packet of custard creams between meals, but refuses healthy snacks like carrot sticks, cream cheese and bread sticks, ham, grapes etc.

OP posts:
deliakate · 31/03/2011 18:45

yanbu. But I agree about not having biscuits and junk in the house unless for a special treat. Just routinely having that stuff in the cupboards is asking for trouble, imho

ObscureReference · 31/03/2011 18:46

(what are dough balls?? Blush )

OP YANBU

IAMGOINGTOBEGOOD · 31/03/2011 19:01

I serve dinner anytime after 4pm as soon as they claim to be hungry.
I give small portions and if its not eaten it gets put aside and there is no dessert until it is eaten.
My three year old had no dinner for three days as she wanted cake and not for pudding.
Ate a huge breakfast though and now rarely fusses.
I do not argue or plead or bribe.
Just tell them to leave it is not hungry if they make a fuss then straight to bed.

CointreauVersial · 31/03/2011 19:09

YANBU. No snacks or treats allowed in this house unless a good amount of dinner is eaten first. They won't starve.

Every child will have likes and dislikes, and most people will cater for that to some extent, but it does sound extreme in your case.

DD2 was a fussy eater; amazingly what snapped her out of it was one of the lunchtime supervisors at school taking a special interest in what she was eating (she was having school lunches) and giving her stickers for trying new things (this was in Reception). She wouldn't have taken it from me, but a comparative stranger worked wonders. I have her to thank that DD2 is now obsessed with mushrooms.Grin

ConstanceFelicity · 31/03/2011 19:15

YANBU. I am a bit of a bossy Ma when it comes to this. If my DS doesn't eat his tea, I tell him he will have nothing else before bed. And I mean it. No fruit. No yogurt. Nothing. He eats well now, at 5 years old, and I rarely have to scrape leftovers into the bin. (Tonight, of course, was an exception. But that stir fry was disgusting.) :)

ouryve · 31/03/2011 19:56

YANBU. In our house, the pizza would go into the fridge for later.

Adding to the collective voice saying that you need to banish all the biscuits.

I'm agreeing with beesimo's daughter about the liver and onions, though. It's a very grown up taste and there's plenty of other "proper food" in the world that is far more appetising, and child friendly.

supersewer · 31/03/2011 20:02

If my DD doesn't eat it gets put in the fridge and offered again when she complains she is hungry.
neither of my DC's are allowed to help themselves to any food without asking.

We are now happily managing our dinners with the rule that they must eat something of everything on their plate. So everyone gets dished up the same and everything must be tried otherwise no pudding or treats later on.

breadandhoney · 31/03/2011 20:09

YANBU. stay strong.

Don't stop buying biscuits and junk! is there any other way that mothers cope? i polished off dh's easter egg today and hid the evidence in the outside bin! Shock

beesimo · 31/03/2011 20:12

Ouryve

She 13 and has just started her periods so its calves liver once a week now!

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 31/03/2011 20:15

I have one of those too, and first off I would only have put one slice on his plate, I find it puts them off having lots.
And I would have left it on the table and said if you're hungry eat that, you're not having anything else.

chicletteeth · 31/03/2011 23:28

This sounds like my son, picking at meals and then wanting junk. Tonight it was the same and I flatly refused to give in when he wouldn't eat a choice of two foods (chinese noodles, and/or chilli with wedges; choice of two only because it was leftover night!). Told him the next meal you get will be breakfast so guess who ate the noodles pretty sharpish only to then refuse custard Shock.

Onetoomanycornettos · 31/03/2011 23:38

My dd2 is the same (dd1 eats pretty much anything), refuses most of her dinner then wants pudding/cake/biscuits. It took me a little while to wise up to it, and I hate making her eat stuff, but I do insist on her eating a modest portion of main course before anything else. I make things she likes, mixed with things she's less keen on, so at least some of the meal is fine for her. It is hard but it's easy to let it slip and for them to start eating most of their calories through rubbish a couple of hours later. I'm wise to that now, and say 'that's all there is til bedtime'.

TheSecondComing · 01/04/2011 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 01/04/2011 08:13

I rarely have biscuits or cake in the house and would be strict with the eat your dinner as there's nothing else approach, although I tend to avoid food they dislike.
Definitely no pudding if dinner not eaten although I rarely do puddings either, I don't have much of a sweet tooth.
I'd be offering fruit and water outside meals. None of mine have been fussy eaters though.
I don't offer a choice of meals, I'm not running a restaurant and work. Dinner is what dinner is, eat it or leave it.

washnomore · 01/04/2011 08:31

What's the general consensus on what to do when they don't eat dinner but then wake up complaining of hunger? DS is nearly 4 and was previously a great eater but nowadays he often refuses to eat much dinner. As he's already a bad sleeper and I am exhausted I'm finding myself coaxing him to eat which I instinctively really don't want to do. I'm not convinced he's made the link between not eating dinner and waking from hunger.

TheSecondComing · 01/04/2011 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldraver · 01/04/2011 11:32

Pizza and doughballs are ok eaten cold so I would of offered them again

BringBackGoingForGold · 01/04/2011 11:41

YANBU. Being firm without bribing or making offers is the way forward. Agree with others that not having biscuits etc in the house will make things easier until/unless he learns to eat properly (you don't want to be having to hide biscuits all the time!). I was brought up with the approach 'Here's your tea; eat it'. There was no choice (except in small things like apple or banana, did you want custard with pudding, etc) but equally no serving up of dinner for breakfast the next day or anything draconian like that. Food was just not an issue in our house, and I think that's why I've always been completely unfussy.

You're doing the right thing.

harassedinherpants · 01/04/2011 11:44

I have a fussy one too, also with a seemingly insatiable appetite for junk food. She's 4.5 yrs old.

If she doesn't eat her dinner then it's saved for later when she'll inevitably be hungry.

After two ds's that ate everything that didn't move, this has been a real shock!

worraliberty · 01/04/2011 11:53

Agree with others that not having biscuits etc in the house will make things easier until/unless he learns to eat properly (you don't want to be having to hide biscuits all the time!)

Why should she hide anything? Confused

Biscuits are a treat and if kids eat their dinner, it's ok to treat them imo. Hiding them would be as ridiculous as not buying them and forcing the rest of the family to miss out because of one child's fussy eating.

Chandon · 01/04/2011 11:54

my DS1 is fussy, and I try not to pander (too much). So if he's hungry before it's tea time, he can have a glass of milk, a carrot, apple or some grapes to tide him over. And one biscuit after school (one!).

He is NEVER allowed to help himself to biscuits, I would be cross if he tried that.

The compromise is that I make food he will probably like, but he has to try something new every now and then.

In your case, I would have given him a healthy snack, and just done tea at the normal time. If he does not like the food I cook, tough. if, as a result of this he is hungry just before bed time, he can have some plain bread.

It sounds pretty tough the way I describe it, but having clear rules that never change seem to work for this age group. He knows where he stands, and we have much fewer debates about food now. I have also started involving him in the cooking. he had a strong dislike of anything with mince in it, but now helps make the bolognaise (and eats it!).

occassionally he can have a big treat, like he had two cup cakes yesterday evening, but that was after he'd eaten a proper tea, so then I am always a bit more relaxed.

OTheHugeManatee · 01/04/2011 11:56

Don't have anything to add, but I love beesimo's phrase 'clarting about'. Can I steal it? Grin

monstersX2 · 01/04/2011 11:57

YANBU
My two boys (5 and 3) had got into a terrible rut of eating too many snacks and not enough meals so i stopped "bad" snacks at 1st and within a few days they were eating more of their meals including things they had previously claimed not to have liked. Snacks have now been re intruduced just less of them and they're more happy to eat healthy snacks now too.
Stick to it and good luck!

BringBackGoingForGold · 01/04/2011 11:58

worra, the OP says that when he came back in looking for biscuits she hid them and sent him back out to play.

worraliberty · 01/04/2011 12:09

Oh yes, sorry I missed that bit Bringback

Biscuits are probably best kept on high shelves so the kids know they're there...but can only have one as a treat when they've been good.

Unless the little buggers have climbing equipment Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread