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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give up work, warning, tax credits involved!

253 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 15:44

Ok all, Im getting myself all muddled so I cant think straight! Please help!

At the moment, I work 16 hours per week. My kids, 4 & 2 go to nursery while Im at work, and the government pay 80% (soon to be 70%) of my childcare.

I earn £400 wages, and get £660 every 4 weeks TC. My childcare costs are £450 per month on average for both kids (vary due to month lenghts, my 4 yr old grant etc). So I get £1060, minus £450 nursery, and the nursery and work are in the next town, so I spend £100 p.month on diesel to get there and back. Leaves me with £500ish(?!)

If I give up work, and pull kids out of nursery (except eldest who will do her 15 hours free), I worked out via TC calculator, I will get £450 per 4 weeks, then I will work a little 4 hour shift every week to earn an extra £100 p.month.

Now on one hand I feel like a scrote and a 'benefit grabber', but as my DH points out, Im actually saving the government money as they pay for so much childcare so I can work. My youngest will miss out on 1 1/2 days nursery that he gets now, but at the moment I feel like I never get quality time with him Sad

What do you wise lot think?

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:40

Jem, I cant take kids to park at 9 and leave to work at 10.30, its not do-able. I wish it was!

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:41

to work ??

Ahem. for work

OP posts:
JemimaMop · 31/03/2011 20:42

It sounds as though your mind is pretty much made up, regardless of whether anyone posts to say that they think YABU.

I just hope that long term it turns out as well as you expect.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:44

not necessarily, just no argument has made me decide one way or the other yet. Im trying to answer all poss scenarios to get it clear in my head.

OP posts:
happyinherts · 31/03/2011 20:45

Why is everyone being so rude and nasty to the OP? She is only thinking of her family finances and trying to keep a happy home.

@OP - your children are both very young and the years will fly by quicker than you ever thought possible. If you can make end meets by working the mimimum and spending quality time with your children, then do so. Happy mums produce happy children.

Your life will change when they go to school full time and you will then be in a position to evaluate what suits you all best then. For all the sceptics saying you will not get a job to suit you then, I am starting an employed job on Monday for the first time in 22 years. I'm 48 and I've been a stay at home mum, a freelancer, and a carer for elderly nan for the last 22 years. I've changed direction in life now, surprised and thrilled to bits to have been given employment and think that if I can do it at my age, then you most certainly can. Life's what you make it.

bedubabe · 31/03/2011 20:46

Monkey I'm very jealous! Ignoring the 2 month old, my ds goes to bed at the same time and wakes at between 5 and 6!

Seriously, if you want to be with your kids now then to it. I don't agree that the system should allow you to but it does so I can't blame you for doing what's in your heart.

However, please pay attention to what others have said re future and pensions and think about what you're going to do long term. DH and I probably stand to inherit 1m+ but it's not factored in - care fees really can wipe that out very easily. As I discussed with my mother (who insists on talking about her death!) I wouldn't ever like to think she might feel she has to sacrifice the best possible care for 'my' inheritance/the grandkids' uni fees)

LoveLeonardCohen · 31/03/2011 20:47

Happyinherts - I couldn't agree more. And it's so heartening to hear about you getting employment after being at home for so long. Congratulations.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:47

Thank you HIH. Much appriciated feedback.

Same to everyone actually. Feels better to get all this off my chest.

OP posts:
CaptainKirksNipples · 31/03/2011 20:50

Wow, I posted first on this thread and just getting back to it now. Kicked off slightly hasn't it?

I can't believe your kids get up at 9 and you then take 90 mins to get to work and then spend 4 hours working, 90 mins coming home and don't spend quality time with them at all? You must have 3 days off a week right?

I worked close over 60 hours last week and my 1 day off I took kids to the park and made cupcakes. I start very early and finish early or start and finish late so that I can see the kids more. It's not ideal for us, dp works a lot less but we still need to use childcare. My working like this will ensure I get a better job in a few years.

You need to sort out your time properly.

Bottleofbeer · 31/03/2011 20:51

WHY are you letting them bother you Monkeyface? One of them doesn't seem to know her "your" from her "you're". Fuck 'em.

You aint getting TC unless you're paying tax. A damn sight more than a lot do.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:52

I am very lucky to have a great DH, amazing kids who sleep/eat/behave like dreams, and a home that I own and a car on my drive. Anyone who thinks I have low standards then so be it, but I have the basics of a very happy life. My home is warm and clean, and my kids are snoring in their cosy bunkbeds.

I shall take on board everything re.my future. Me and DH have chatted about buying a second property next summer, renting this one out, and using this as our 'pension'. But its obviosuly complicated, and I shall still bury my head until the kids are at school, then take a long hard look at things. I want to enjoy the next 2 years fully.

For the last 5 years, all Ive known is motherhood. Most of my friends have just finished uni with debts so I dont feel too behind.

OP posts:
CaptainKirksNipples · 31/03/2011 20:55

I don't understand about you not having a day off when you have the kids. Are you working 4x4hr shifts? Where are the children the other 3 days?

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:55

And its more than time management.

The original problem was work my 16 hours and earn x amount, or stay at home, be happier, and lose a minuscule amount.

It never was a question of time really,it was WHY stress over a low paid job for no reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:56

Sorry CKN, eldest dd goes to her dads at weekends, but I do get time with ds and DH. No toddler groups etc though that I enjoy as I dont really have any friends left as my life is very different from my peers.

OP posts:
Bottleofbeer · 31/03/2011 20:57

Oh get off her fucking case.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:57

Beer Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 20:58

Wine anyone? This is getting deeeep. Ive never had a thread so long!

OP posts:
toniguy · 31/03/2011 20:59

You are on joint income of 23,000 and you're thinking of buying a second property next summer? do you have a deposit saved up for it? You can't get 100% mortgages anymore, or not without exorbitant interest rates which would be a waste of money

Sorry i don't believe half of what you're saying op

bedubabe · 31/03/2011 20:59
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 21:00

FIL is giving us deposit, only 15k, then get 90% mortgage. Interest would be around 5.49%.
Whats odd about that Confused

OP posts:
CaptainKirksNipples · 31/03/2011 21:00

It would make more sense to me to work at the weekend then. More time to spend with both dc during the week.

Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 21:01

bed, no, not you Smile night x

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeyfacegrace · 31/03/2011 21:02

thats what I may do, 4 hours on a sat or something , then I get all week free. Thats the £100 I had in my OP.
So I can drop childcare costs and earn less.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 31/03/2011 21:02

There are some incredibly high horses being ridden through this thread. Shire horses I should imagine.

Not sure why some posters are being so nasty, I'm looking at you violet.

CaptainKirksNipples · 31/03/2011 21:05

Was thinking more like 2x8hr shifts on sat/sun. If your dp does not work during the week then you would have more money as well. Will you reducing to 4 hours affect the ability to get a mortgage at all?