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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At his beck and call? Aibu?

31 replies

grinningbee · 31/03/2011 11:06

Someone calm me down before lava comes out of the top of my head.

Dh is a self-employed car mechanic. He works about 40 miles away. Today he went in a customers car to repair, left me with ours.

Told me he would return with the car this morning, and then need taking back over and dropping off. He said he would ring when on the way so we could be waiting with shoes/coats on ready to take him back.

Today is dd's playgroup, which is in the morning, so I didn't go in order that we could be ready for him.

Just rang me to say that he won't be needing me now. So dd has missed playgroup, and we have been messed about.

I told him before ds was born that I didn't want to be the runaround any more. I don't think it's fair to drag him or dd around. Ok, it isn't everyday, and sometimes it is nice to get out. What I object to is being told one plan for the day,re-arranging mine, and then being told something different.

It is starting to happen more often.

Is it me, or would the mn jury be a bit put out too?

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 31/03/2011 11:10

I can see why it's annoying but ultimately I think yabu. He didn't have you at his beck and call, this was a situation where the nature of his work meant that this was the most viable solution.
It's not as though he was out having a laugh himself and expected you to pick him up from having fun etc. but then decided to stay on so just fobbed you off. SO I wouldn't decribe what he's done today as you being a run around or him expecting you to be at his beck and call.
It was just an annoying circumstance

mayorquimby · 31/03/2011 11:11

sorry just saw the "it's starting to happen more often" that may change things depending on the circumstances but in this scenario I'd see it as a not unreasonable organisation scenario from your husbands point of view.

curlyredhead · 31/03/2011 11:12

Yanbu - he needs to get a taxi/bus and class it as a business expense.

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 11:13

It depends on the reason he didn't need you any more.

DontGoCurly · 31/03/2011 11:13

Tell him to get the bus OP !!

VinegarTits · 31/03/2011 11:18

Yes it is annoying that his plans changed, but he is in work and i might not have been his fault, 40 miles is a bit far to get a bus, would take him forever and i assume he would loose business in the meantime? i think YAB a bit U

Original poster
grinningbee · 31/03/2011 11:18

I'm being unreasonable? Really? Blimey.

Well, that just made me cry, but hey ho. So I should await his masters voice like a good little wifey then.

I suppose it doesn't matter really.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 31/03/2011 11:20

oh ffs dont post in AIBU is want everyone to agree with you

BeerTricksPotter · 31/03/2011 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
grinningbee · 31/03/2011 11:24

No, I don't want everyone to agree with me VT.

However, am I and the dc not allowed a life of our own too, or would you expect us to wait by the phone for him to say to pick him up etc?

It's an 80 mile round trip with two small children.

But like I said if IABU then fair enough. No need to be rude.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 31/03/2011 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkToeNails · 31/03/2011 11:26

Based on what you've said YABU, but maybe there is a bit more to the story. Was the reason he didn't need you beyond his control?

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 11:27

Someone saying they think you're being a bit unreasonable has made you cry??? I don't really think you should have started this thread Sad

At the end of the day you two are a partnership. You both need to do what's best for running a home and caring for the family. Sometimes plans have to change to accomodate this.

dignified · 31/03/2011 11:30

It depends i think . Did he not give you a rough idea of when he might need this lift ? Sureley he had a rough idea of how long it would take to fi this car ? Did he let you know he didnt need you as soon as he realised this ?

Why do you need to do run arounds anyway , why are these cars not taken to the garage by the customers ?

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 31/03/2011 11:30

Initially reading I thought give the man a life....however, 80 miles round trip!!!! YANBU - he needs to find a better solution, its not like you are just running him down the road!

redskyatnight · 31/03/2011 11:34

How often is "more often"? I don't see a problem with the odd time - say once a week. DH and I share a car and often have to do juggling like this - we'd try to work round each other's plans though, so in your case I'd still have been able to take DD to nursery and he'd wait a bit longer if necessary.

I presume it's not his fault that he subsequently didn't need the lift after all, just the way it worked out? If you seriously are spending every day sitting around at home waiting for "your lord and master to call", then yes, it is a problem.

Original poster
grinningbee · 31/03/2011 11:36

I'm beginning to think I shouldn't have too. I'm feeling very low, and should have thought more carefully about where I posted this.

I accept that I'm in the wrong.

The car he was working on is fixed, but he has changed the plan for the day.

Anyway, I have my answer so I'm going to put the kettle on now and watch teletubbies with dd and ds.

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
grinningbee · 31/03/2011 11:38

P.S He collects and drops off cars for customers, hence the juggling. Now I really am going.

Thanks again

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 31/03/2011 11:38

Of course you are entitled to a life but sometimes what someone else is doing is more important.
This was for his work which is paying your bills and putting food on the table and in my mind that would come first.

VinegarTits · 31/03/2011 11:40

and btw it was only 11 am when you posted this so its not like you have been waiting around all day for him, so you missed play group, so what? take them to the park instead. sounds to me like there is more to it than this mornings palava

TotemPole · 31/03/2011 11:41

Can he rent space in a garage closer to where you live?

I agree with the other comments. It was work. Sometimes things don't go to plan.

Bluebell99 · 31/03/2011 11:43

Ah hugs. At first I was thinking it's only playgroup you are missing and he is doing it for work, what's the big deal, but 80 mile round trip is alot. You do need to get out and about if you are stuck at home with little ones. I remember when mine were small, one of my friends couldn't come out to a certain playgroup because they only had one car and everyday her dh would go for a swim at lunchtime. How selfish was he?!

worraliberty · 31/03/2011 11:49

That would depend on whether that was the only thing he ever did for himself Bluebell or if he needed to for health reasons?

TheSkiingGardener · 31/03/2011 11:57

If he asked and you discussed it YABU. Plans do change and it is annoying though.

If he told you what was happening and didn't discuss it YANBU and he is a knob.

EldritchCleavage · 31/03/2011 12:25

We-ell, I can sort of see where you are coming from , OP.

If your DH is very cavalier about arrangements because he thinks letting you down at the last minute or changing things around for you is not a big deal, then you need to talk to him about it. Perhaps at the very least he should be keeping you posted by mobile so you know sooner whether you'll be doing pick-up/drop-off or not.

Do talk to him, and if some parts of your home routine are very important to you and the children he needs to know so he can try to avoid impinging on those. Also, please talk to him if you are feeling very low. Everyone just needs to be heard sometimes, reasonable or not.