To not take kindly to people sitting in MY area of the cafe?

[marmaladetwatkins]

Yeah, you heard me. MY area

On thursdays, I drop DS off at pre-school then go to a local cafe with my book and have a nice cup of tea and a bacon sandwich salad of quinoa.

The cafe has three seating areas, all partitioned from each other, with five or six tables in each area, IYSWIM. It is always very quiet when I go in and I sit in the area nearest the back. There was one other person in here when I got here. Now a group of braying ladies have arrived and sat in my area when there are fifty million other tables they could have gone to. They are on the table RIGHT next to me. Why?!

It is up there with people coming into the toilet cubicle immediately next to you when there are another ten empty.

Yeah I know IABU but I have surrendered to the Red Army this morning so I am excused.

Start hissing gently, with the occasional explosive "POP"

They'll move!

Yanbu but only on the basis you've surrendered to the red army, an expression I've never heard before. So I'd kick off if I were you.

I've got death farts terrible flatulence this morning. Am thinking of unleashing one in their general direction.

This made me laugh as I too want to sit where I want to sit and hate it when I cannot! Very unreasonable of me I know! Just sit near and release some silent but deadlies! I love the suggestion of acting slightly mad too...

Rofl at Red Army! Never heard that one before.

I like sitting on my own so that I can eat like a pig not so quietly and not care about wiping tomato ketchup on my sleeve without being judged.

Why do they have to spoil my corner of solitude? They started talking about nipple leakage too, put me right off my bloody chai latte I can tell you.

YABVVVU putting ketchup on a quinoa salad

Oops fucking tripped myself up there didn't I?

Nipple leakage? Taking over the cafe?

They have to be MNetters!!

Don't stop at one fart. Unleash a load then wander past and sweetly mention the drain problem the cafe has. That'll stop them coming in again.

Maybe you should try to get in early and rope the area off before you drop DS at pre-school, a la German holidaymakers with their towels on sunbeds?

Start chatting to them.

"Hullo. Do you mind if I join in. I was just chatting to some internet weirdos and they said that when I feel lonely I should just start chatting to someone nearby. And you look friendly. I am quite lonely today. Can I tell you all about my cats? I have a lot of cats. There is Fluffy - she is Fluffy, lol - and Grey - named cause he is grey, lol, not very imaginative, am I, lol. I also have a siamese cat, well not really a siamese but she looks like she could be. Would you like to see some pictures?"

Seriously, my guffs smell like dead bodies today. i don't know what I've eaten for them to smell this bad, but they could work to my advantage.

I should bottle it and sell it to the MOD Weapons Buyer.

Sheer cuntery imo.

To rub salt into the wound, an old couple came and sat at the table dorectly opposite me. The gentleman proceeded to eat his danish pastry with his trap wide open.

I'm going to have to start staying indoors.

Start picking your nose and coughing intermittently. Sound sick

'The gentleman proceeded to eat his danish pastry with his trap wide open. '

At least it wasn't his zipper!

lol fun thread :)

Back in our pre-child pub days DH, our mates and I always propped up the corber of the bar near the pool table in our favourite pub so I know what you mean about "Your spot"

If the barwas busy by the time we got in I ever made a fuss about it but I couldn't help being annoyed that someone was in my place. I make no apology for it, people are creatures of habit ;)

Can I just interrupt this thread? My friends and I popped into a cafe and I spotted someone I really fancy so we all sat on the table next to her so I could, you know, make a move. But now her arse keeps on firing this godawful smell like an open grave. Our eyes are stinging so badly we can't make our way out! What should we do? HEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!

GUFFAW at "open grave"

Pah. that's nothing. Someone was sitting at my table the other day. I couldn't help deathstaring the back of their heads.

If someone was sat at my table, I would flare up like a London derby.

I don't even have a usual table so by that I mean "if someone was sat at the table that I felt like sitting at that day..."

I shall no be keeping an eye on AIBU for the thread entitled 'AIBU to go into a cafe with my gaggle of loud nipple leaking friends and talk loudly with out some mad bint in the corner dropping death farts in our direction?'