Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a bit irritated when I get given cards signed by friends who add the name of their partner whom I don't know very well.

82 replies

madonnawhore · 30/03/2011 23:46

That, really.

I like my best friend's boyfriend but we're not really close or anything and I don't see him that often. It kind of annoys me when she gives me birthday or Christmas cards and signs them from her and him. It's like, I don't really know him and I know he isn't especially bothered about my birthday or wishing me well in my new home or anything. Why can't she just sign it from her, since she's the person I have the relationship with?

Anyone else get irritated with '&' couples?

OP posts:
mumeeee · 31/03/2011 00:10

YABU, They re a couple so cards should be signes from both of them.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 31/03/2011 00:16

Why? Why do all cards have to be signed by couples? Will I never get a card from just my best friend as an individual, autonomous person again for as long as she's in her relationship?

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 31/03/2011 00:22

the thing is though - I once sent a christmas card to a friend just from me, because she's my friend and got a panicked phonecall to check that I hadn't killed DP and the children, or lost them I presume, I don't know, lol

so either way you can't win

NoWayNoHow · 31/03/2011 00:22

madonna a card is a gesture to mark an occasion. It's not an in depth personal attempt to reach across the void and cement your friendship, ffs.

If she was signing emails/texts/facebook messages from her AND her DP, I'd start to worry...

Original poster
madonnawhore · 31/03/2011 00:24

NoWayNoHow, please god no!

tabulahrasa, lol: "Happy Birthday, love me. PS. Have killed hubby and children..."

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 31/03/2011 00:28

it did quite amuse me, I wouldn't have thought I was subtle enough to announce the loss of my family by leaving their names off a card...maybe there's some sort of etiquette there that I don't know about?

Is that maybe what posh people do? lol

choccybox · 31/03/2011 00:28

My best friend put her boyfriends name on my new baby card, they had been together 1 week!!

Always think it depends on length or seriousness of relationship, not on your relationship with their partner.

lurkerspeaks · 31/03/2011 00:32

YAB weird.

Signing cards from a couple is NORMAL!

Original poster
madonnawhore · 31/03/2011 00:32

Hahaha!

"Had a card from the Fetherstonhaughs this morning"

"Oh yes?"

"No mention of the children this year..."

OP posts:
midlandsmumof4 · 31/03/2011 00:40

madonnawhore-

"Why? Why do all cards have to be signed by couples? Will I never get a card from just my best friend as an individual, autonomous person again for as long as she's in her relationship?".

Are you jealous by any chance?...Hmm.

aurynne · 31/03/2011 00:48

OP, I assume you also get annoyed when you get a card from a friend and her baby... obviously the baby couldn't give a jot about you and your birthday either, so he/she should be left out too.

Unless you are consistent with your "annoyedness" then yes, YABU.

Tigerbomb · 31/03/2011 00:50

Actually Madonna, I do kind of understand your point of view. I only sign my name when I send a birthday card etc to my friends and I certainly don't expect my husband to sign my name on any cards.

On mothers day, my mom will get a card signed from me, it will not have DH's name on it as it is my mom, not his.

The same will go for his mom's card - it will be just from him.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/03/2011 01:16

You'd hate me then...for my Dad's birthday card in a stroke of mild lunacy genius creativity I drew round the kids hands as their 'signature' (it looked crap as well cos the buggers can never stay still!)

PatientGriselda · 31/03/2011 01:42

I understand too, madonna! Just because people marry/couple up/have children, they still exist as an individual, and that's the one you are friends with and who should be sending you the card.

For God's sake, I pee in front of my best friend. Now she's married, should I invite her husband in too?

Kuantanamera · 31/03/2011 04:33

Madonna - YANBU. It winds me up too. I certainly don't add DH's name to anything unless he's friends with them.

sparkle12mar08 · 31/03/2011 07:53

Get a bloody grip woman! You sound petulant and ungrateful. If you carry on for long enough you'll solve your own problem, because they sure as hell won't be sending you cards for much longer...

Am loving bluddymofo's post!

morethanasong · 31/03/2011 08:06

I'm with you OP :) If I'm sending e.g. a Christmas card to a whole family then I'll sign it from all of us. If it's a friend's birthday, especially a friend from school or university who doesn't really know my family, then I'll often just sign it from me. I don't really mind who's signed it when I receive a card though.

DilysPrice · 31/03/2011 08:10

I want to go back and apologise to the poster whose MIL used Christmas paper to wrap a birthday present [Shock Horror] and let her know that her reign as Most Trivial AIBU-er has been ended.

exoticfruits · 31/03/2011 08:19

I always sign from all of us. DH or DCs may not know them well ,but I am sure they would wish them a happy birthday. It seems very rude to say 'I don't know them and am not willing to send good wishes!
It is trivial in the extreme-just be pleased you have a card.

onceamai · 31/03/2011 08:20

My DH and I come as a package and of course I sign his name on the cards.

Bumblequeen · 31/03/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

GandTiceandaslice · 31/03/2011 08:41

how ungrateful.

diddl · 31/03/2011 08:44

I think it´s perhaps odd unless they are living together or engaged or "committed" in some way.

That said, marriages can fall apart, so.

What I do think is odd is where they each write their own name.

walklikeapenguin · 31/03/2011 09:09

YANBU!

I agree with you. I think it's often unnecessary.

If I give a birthday card to my friend I don't put my husband's name on. If it's eg a friend who I always see with our children, I will put from me and DD but not DH.

I know what you mean about diluting the sentiment - it sort of makes it seem that they've just written it automatically without thinking, like you do on Christmas cards.

It doesn't bother me at all on Christmas cards though, because everyone knows it's a chore and you just sit there with a pile of them, write the same thing on each.

mummytime · 31/03/2011 09:13

Birthday cards - maybe.
Christmas cards, do you have any idea how many we write? If it was from me it might even have been written by DH, and some of his friends get them written by me. This year some people didn't even get one (he wasn't organised and I never am).

You are lucky if I don't do my "official" signature, which I have done on my own nieces and kids cards before now.

I do care about those I send cards too, but I am just very busy around Christmas time. If I didn't care I wouldn't send one.