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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be laughing so very very much tonight?

44 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:30

I will try and keep this breif and will apologise for spelling mistakes etc.

Ok
Last year ex (DS1's sperm donor) told me he was moving to Ireland - funnily enough this is where CSA cannot enforce payments back here to UK.
He asked me to move out there with him - HIGHLY unlikely.
then disappeared off the face of the earth.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY today I happened to be scrolling through his brothers FB pictures and came across one of him at a recent football match.

So I have sort of done something sneaky and now know where he is living and what he does for a living.

I even know where he will be working on a certain day in a month or so.

So the plan is I am going to turn up there, not alone and am going to have soooooooooo much fun watching him squirm!

OP posts:
Vallhala · 30/03/2011 22:31

You go girl! :)

moondog · 30/03/2011 22:32

With what end result in mind?

goodtimesarecoming · 30/03/2011 22:32

Why exactly?

MerryMarigold · 30/03/2011 22:35

What you gonna do? Do you still love him? Sounds like it...

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:38

Errr no I don't still love him BUT he does owe a hell of a lot of CSA money and is lying about his where abouts.

He has told his 12yr old aspergers son that he has moved to Ireland to avoid seeing him or paying for him - you really think 1- I would love him or 2 - I should let it go NOWAY.

I need to have proof he is working and then I can bugger him up once and for all - especially as there are plenty of photos on the net of him in his current work!!!

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AuntiePickleBottom · 30/03/2011 22:39

he may see you, and then decides he wants to play daddy to the child.

i would tread very carefully

fit2drop · 30/03/2011 22:39

Why? If he is not in Ireland now all you have to do is put the information you have to a solicitor or the CSA.

No reason to see him not alone or for any reason really , Unless of course you want the drama and upset that would cause.
Can't see how that would help the children .

HuwEdwards · 30/03/2011 22:41

I can see you want payback, both literally and figuratively - but I fear this might not go as you plan. Take care

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:42

I am not going alone!! he is a nasty piece of work.

Auntie, he has not been "daddy" for the best part of 10yrs, he sure as hell won't start now.

Fit I spoke to CSA today after I found this information out, they asked if I had proof of him working and being in the country.

Well Now I know exactly where he lives so it does make it easier!!!

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SarkyLady · 30/03/2011 22:43

I don't think it is a good idea for you to see him. :(

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 30/03/2011 22:45

I definitely wouldn't turn up there. The address is all the CSA need. I can see how tempting it would be but these things never really go to plan.

I'd do it all in my head and let the only thing I physically do is ring the CSA with his whereabouts.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:45

Hu, i plan to be as areful as poss - I am doing this for MY son. He has spent years (and still does) trying to understand why his father doesn't want him - well unfortunatly I can't take him with me as he is too young BUT I will make sure that one way or another he pays for what he has done to DS1.

So yes maybe I am bu to go and see him to make sure he is working but you know what I will go to the end of the earth for my sons.

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:46

careful not areful

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MsToni · 30/03/2011 22:48

I expect you've survived without him for awhile, and it doesn't seem he's keen on paying for his child's care. Would anything you do now change the situation? You shouldn't put yourself through the pain or anger...imho.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:48

And it certainly isn't Love I feel for him -

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Vallhala · 30/03/2011 22:48

The CSA had the address but still wanted written and photographic proof when I dragged my bastard ex through their tribunal. What's more the CSA weren't prepared to get that proof themselves but left it all to me so I can understand Lady's need to get as much as she can on her own ex.

Just take care, Lady.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2011 22:48

Why do you need the hassle?

Don't bother, just make sure you gather the evidence so he has to pay.

Don't go and meet him, it's just too Eastendersy.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:50

msToni, I have survived without him for a long time 11yrs to be exact. However he has a duty to his child and I will make sure he carries it out one way or another.

It is anger I feel for what he has done to my son - he doesn't understand why he won't talk to him or want him and often asks - how the hell can I answer

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:51

I am not going to meet him sorry I was unclear.

I am going to go to the place he will be working - he will be hard pushed to notice me from where he will be trust me but I will see him and I have an excellent zoom on my new camera Wink

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garlicbutter · 30/03/2011 22:56

Don't want to take the drama out of your revenge, TLE, but you could just give the CSA the photos from Facebook and his information. They'll chase him up. Isn't that enough?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:57

garlic, probably but I want the satisfaction of taking photos, yes I know stupid immature whatever else but I need to do this for my son

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:59

Although earlier they said they needed me to provide more than I had already......thats where this trip comes in.

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ivykaty44 · 30/03/2011 23:05

Find out the name of his boss, then pass the telephone number and name of his boss and the company he works for to the csa in writing and keep a copy and also telephone them and give them the same information.

I did - I found out where ex worked - as csa were hassling me for info as ex put the claim in and then refused to sperate - strange. But I rang the copmany on a saturday afternoon and got to speak to the lovely security gaurd - I was really sweet with him and asked if fuckity pants was around as I had a bit of exciting news for him, security gaurd said oh he wasn't there, gosh you do get the short straw having to work at weekends Wink flattery - I asked if possibly his boss was there - whats his name again as this exciting news may be of help = security gaurd said Oh you mean Joe brown? yes I said and security gaurd gave me his number, his mobile and just quickly asked if fuckity pants was aorund - no he isn't whos calling - debt UK...

I then past on all the numbers and emails to csa

ivykaty44 · 30/03/2011 23:06

speatate ? cooperate

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:08

Ivy, I think I love you you have given me more ideas xx

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