Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be laughing so very very much tonight?

44 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 22:30

I will try and keep this breif and will apologise for spelling mistakes etc.

Ok
Last year ex (DS1's sperm donor) told me he was moving to Ireland - funnily enough this is where CSA cannot enforce payments back here to UK.
He asked me to move out there with him - HIGHLY unlikely.
then disappeared off the face of the earth.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY today I happened to be scrolling through his brothers FB pictures and came across one of him at a recent football match.

So I have sort of done something sneaky and now know where he is living and what he does for a living.

I even know where he will be working on a certain day in a month or so.

So the plan is I am going to turn up there, not alone and am going to have soooooooooo much fun watching him squirm!

OP posts:

blackeyeddog · 30/03/2011 23:11

It sounds a bit nuts to me. Think about the result you wish for and ask csa exactly what they require from you to pursue this. Is it a hollow sardonic type laugh or are you really amused. Don't waste your energy on histrionics just gather the facts you need.

blackeyeddog · 30/03/2011 23:13

aah Ivykatys got the way to go.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:14

hmmmm Blackey a bit of both, I always said revenge is a dish best served not just cold but freeeeeeezingggg

OP posts:

fit2drop · 30/03/2011 23:15

Sorry OP but you said you wanted to see him squirm , thats why I thought what you said in your original post meant you and "a friend" were going . You also said he was a nasty piece of work , well if you are not going to be face to face with him (you said you will be taking pics from a distance)......... I dont understand your change ed stance.

If this is really about him paying his debt then the CSA will have enough info because they will contact the boss / payroll of the company he works for .

OP you just want a ruck . I understand you want retribution for your son but creating a ruck for your own satisfaction is not going to give your son the answers you say he needs.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:19

I don't want a ruck thats for sure, and I am not going alone. DP is coming with me. I will be taking photos. I would love to see him squirm, but its not going to happen as I am not getting that close.

I was a bit over excited in my OP as I had finally found what I knew that he had not left the country.

although I don't know if I can get his company details other than whats online...which is very little tbh. I don't want to go into details

OP posts:

blackeyeddog · 30/03/2011 23:24

So you are going to take pics of him working in the uk? And he won't know necessarily? Don't entertain a ruck, enjoy yourself but get the result for your son. Let csa do the rest. good luck to you.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:26

Thas all I am going to do. take photos of him at work....but oh it will be so much fun as he won't have a clue hehehehehehe

OP posts:

complexnumber · 30/03/2011 23:27

and the punch line is...

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:29

that he will get his commupance he owes a hell of a lot of money to the CSA

OP posts:

AuntiePickleBottom · 30/03/2011 23:34

the csa will most pro just open a new case,as once he moved to ireland the case would of closed, so it will be highly unlikly you will get back pay.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:38

He never moved to ireland thats my point!!

OP posts:

FreudianSlippery · 30/03/2011 23:43

Hmm YANBU. As someone who's DH has always provided for his older children whenever we could (he's been on sick pay so obviously not paying CSA now, but when he could pay, he did) and has been around physically and emotionally... Well I can only imagine how angry you must be.

Makes me sick that the CSA puts decent dads like my DH through hell (they've really messed up creating big debt for DH in the past) - and let scum like your ex get away without doing a thing for their children

Do whatever it takes, just be careful x

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:44

Freud, I an pm you where I will be if you want to join me ;)

OP posts:

worraliberty · 30/03/2011 23:45

We all do things differently but if I were in your position I wouldn't contact him at all.

It may well rock the boat and turn yours and your son's world upside down. I know far too many absent Dads who when the CSA catch them up, say "Oh well if I have to pay for my kids I demand contact"

A lot of them don't even want contact, they just demand it to spite the ex who has caught up with them.

Another common one seems to be when the absent parent has a new partner, they want contact with their kids to try to impress the new partner in some way.

Nope, if it was me I'd let go of all that angst you have built up over the years and leave well alone.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/03/2011 23:50

Worra, I can honestly say I wish he had fought for his son but he has told him so many times he doesn't want to see him and needs to forget him to move on with his life etc.

You see this is how I know he has a g'f as when he doesn't thats when he wants contact.

OP posts:

FreudianSlippery · 30/03/2011 23:56

Better not tell me TLE - I'd make too much noise with gleeful TeeHeeing and give the game away :o

I hope you get the evidence you need. I guess you'll never get what DS deserves from him, this so-called father sounds like the lowest of the low, poor DS. The money won't make up for any of it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get the payment you deserve. And enjoy the process. Start practising your 'mwahahahaha' now...

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/03/2011 00:12

Freud, see thats what I am worried about me teeheeing!!

Oh go on come n join the fun, there are me and 3 friends going now.

OP posts:

fit2drop · 31/03/2011 00:20

OP your last post contradicts your previous post(s)

I thought he had disappeared of the face of the earth and had no contact with you or your son, whereas your last post states that when he doesnt have a gf he wants contact which directs the reader to believe he has tried to have contact at some point, which means you have had contact with him ..

shrugs walks away Hope whatever happens your son is ok

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/03/2011 00:28

He has not had contact with him since DS1 was 11 I think, maybe one call??
He told me last yr he was moving to Ireland to work - when I mentioned this to his brother he had no knowledge of it which got me to thinking, then today exes father confirmed what I already knew - ex had not moved to ireland but had moved to a different part of the same area and is working. But not in a normal job iyswim?

Whenever he has been single he makes contact with me to see DS1 when he gets a g'f he forgets about him again.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2