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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have pinned my DS down?

82 replies

lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 18:55

He's 3yo and was tired, but wanted to play with his sisters, not brush his teeth. So I held his arms out the way and brushed the best I could while he squirmed.

It was horrible, but I wasn't sure if that was because I should have gone gently, gently or just because some toddler behaviour is horrible?

So was I BU?

OP posts:
HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 22:03

I'm not meaning to imply that at all.

I'm lucky that my 3 year old loves to brush his teeth and has to be stopped from doing it too often. And I can see from this thread I really am lucky. But if he refused I'd try everything BUT physically holding him down. Toothbrushing is really important but not important enough to potentially frighten/hurt my son. And it would frighten him if I did this.

edam · 30/03/2011 22:19

ooh Holy, dh is like that - brushing his teeth always makes him gag. Have you found anything that helps? (And I do mean dh, not ds - who has got much better about brushing his teeth since he was a toddler, although still far from perfect.)

edam · 30/03/2011 22:20

(Btw, I do appreciate that forcing a toothbrush, or anything else, into a child's mouth - any person's mouth - is unpleasant and to be avoided if at all possible. But still maintain that sometimes, with children who are too small to reason with and after all other tricks have failed, it's sadly necessary. IME of my ds, anyway.)

HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 22:21

No not found anything. Woe. I even gag if I absentmindedly chew on the end of a pen/pen lid. Glad I'm not the only odd one though. Grin

BulletWithAName · 30/03/2011 22:22

I had to do that with both of mine, still have to occasionally with DD (she's 2). YANBU.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 22:23

Ahhh, so you've not been tested on the toothbrushing front yet then holy.

What about other things you know your DS has to do and he flatly refuses? How do you force the issue with him?

Sometimes it's got fuck all to do with the actual thing you want to get done, and more to do with smaller childrens totally natural power games.

HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 22:29

Really it's the forcing a toothbrush in their mouths that really bothers me. I don't like the sound of pinning them down either but I guess I'm being a hypocrite as I've had to pin my ds down in his buggy to strap him in.

edam · 30/03/2011 22:29

Agent, I feel the same way - completely appreciate why, from a small child's point of view, being made to brush your teeth/put on your coat/1001 other things are entirely unreasonable and deserving of a huge row. But empathy does mean I give in, not when it's important, anyway.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 22:37

It's such a fine line though isn't it edam?

There's a point when it turns from them trying it on, to them getting distressed.

But if you stopped when they looked like they were getting distressed for fear of psychologically damaging them into adulthood, then they've found which buttons to press to manipulate you and get what they want.

I'm not saying I have the answer either (or I'd have written a book about itGrin) but DD1's 10 now and pretty much does what she's asked (with muttering/groaning of course) some things you let go, others you can't.

Perhaps it depends on what kind of parents you had, and like holy says, what things you don't like yourself.

charmum3 · 30/03/2011 22:41

am i the only one who thinks YABU?? How are you going to change reluctance to brush teeth by doing this, your flustrations are showing through, you are lucky little one didn't gag, you may have made the situation worse,,,,,, you asked

edam · 30/03/2011 22:44

Exactly, Agent! I'm quite patient with visiting 'fussy eaters' because I was one myself (and my sister was far worse). Thankfully ds is not fussy at all - nowt to do with my parenting, entirely to do with his character. But I am quite happy to accommodate fussy guests. The people on the fussy eaters threads who are outraged are probably far more relaxed about some things that are very firm boundaries for me.

No doubt ds will tell me in huge detail exactly where I've been going wrong when he's a teenager. Grin And then I'll take huge comfort in seeing him fighting his own battles as a parent, with any luck. Just as my Mother enjoys my sister and I getting our just desserts right now with ds and my niece!

edam · 30/03/2011 22:46

charmum - in my experience, ds grew out of the outright refusal to brush his teeth. Thankfully. Don't know what I'd have done if it had continued. (Probably posted on MN pleading for help, actually.)

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 30/03/2011 23:47

I occasionally headlock my 18 YEAR old son to check his teeth. Grin
Seriously... gorgeous teenager, lazy dental hygiene... our dentist told me to nag him and I check every few days, and it's our joke.. I try and catch him and If I can pin him down he will brush his teeth properly (otherwise he does it once a day..yuk)

Not just 3 yr olds...:D

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 23:54

hahahahaha medusa, there's hope for us yet then.

Love it Grin

fridakahlo · 31/03/2011 00:14

Having had a really traumatic time with dc1 (because of stressing due to dental hygiene peeps and health visitor) I am much more laid back with dc2 . He's already starting to do his own teeth which is probably due to a) not being forced on a regular basis to have it done and b) watching the older sibling doing it of their own free will.
But with dc1 I put so much pressure on myself to get it done that I stressed myself and her a lot. It was an utter nightmare really.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 31/03/2011 00:37

Might be worth googling Shaun Ryder and showing him search results...Wink

sparkle12mar08 · 31/03/2011 07:58

So not unreasonable. This is the reason why my friend's 5yr old has three fillings - 'oh he hates having his teeth brushed and I haven't the heart to make him'. No shit sherlock, even when the dentist says he has poor oral hygiene and the cavities are due to not brushing? You're still trying to tell me it's because he had to have a certain type of medicine three years ago?!

(Yes I know some medicines have severe side effects on teeth, but that wasn't the case here, they were basic antibiotics)

We also use Agentzigzag's choice too!

OatcakeCravings · 31/03/2011 08:44

I have to pin by DS down twice a day every day to brush his teeth. I have done since he got teeth and its never got any better. Everytime I come out with the toothbrush he runs away screaming. He's just about 3 now - how much longer will this go on?? Will I still be pinning him down when he is 15?

chunkythighs · 31/03/2011 10:33

IMO you are BU but I was there too! My now three year old enjoys getting his teeth brushed!
I hated the pinning down technique as it was a horrible exp for both of us.

After losing his tooth bashing his face off a table (Honest I'm a great mum Hmm). I spoke to his dentist about getting tips, he advised me to chill out and if he gets 2 good scrubbings a week at that age then its not too bad, and thats its more important to get him in the habit of brushing twice a day as opposed to ensuring they are clean twice a day.

soooo I found a toothpaste that he likes (tesco own), a 'lovely' Dora brush and a kids mouthwash. I didn't brush at all for about three days and made a big show of his new Dora brush and I went hunting for cake in his teeth, now he demands his toothbrush!

Lawm01 · 31/03/2011 10:49

Brushing teeth has been one of my worst parenting experiences. My DD has always resisted and we've resorted to pinning down at times.

Now she has 2 toothbrushes which she can choose from, and we (like another poster) sing the "this is the way we brush our teeth" song. If we sing it 4 times at the right tempo, it lasts about 2 mins which (I may be wrong) is the recommended time dentists like you to brush your teeth for.

But now, she's bored of that song and demands others. Peppa Pig, Scooby Dooby Doo, Iggle Piggle etc.

I'm dreading summer when the windows will be open while I sing these songs and she gargles in time to the tune.

Olessaty · 31/03/2011 10:51

Nope. I've had to do this for teeth and also for medicine. In particular, eyedrops for conjunctivitis. Felt sorry for him, but some things are necessary.

chunkythighs · 31/03/2011 10:55

Ah! I should add that after about a week of crappy 20 second brushes he relaxed to the point that his teeth are nicely scubbed every time.

CinnabarRed · 31/03/2011 10:57

Brushing DS1's teeth wasn't great until he turned three and we bought him an electric toothbursh. Now it's a doddle. Worth a try?

Onetoomanycornettos · 31/03/2011 11:04

Also found singing songs helpful for reluctant/resistant teeth-brushers, no teeth-brushing, no song.

I can understand the odd restraint and brush when they are very tired, but every day, I would be looking for a different way to incentivise that/distract, if only because my daughter used to clamp her mouth shut and there was no way I could do two minutes decent brushing if she was resisting, TBH.

CrapBag · 31/03/2011 11:04

YANBU.

So those who don't agree with it, how do you do it if your DC refuses to let you cut their toenails then? Luckily DS likes having his teeth done but he has a real phobia about having his toes touched so me and DH have to pin him down between us and force him to have it done. We have tried to reason, bribe, telling him his nails will ingrow etc etc. Pinning is the only way and obviously its not something that can be left as there is no way he will agree to it. Sometimes they have to pinned for something that is for their own good. Not all children will let you do everything.