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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have pinned my DS down?

82 replies

lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 18:55

He's 3yo and was tired, but wanted to play with his sisters, not brush his teeth. So I held his arms out the way and brushed the best I could while he squirmed.

It was horrible, but I wasn't sure if that was because I should have gone gently, gently or just because some toddler behaviour is horrible?

So was I BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 20:04

I think it was partly that he looked like he was foaming at the mouth!!

OP posts:
cory · 30/03/2011 20:04

3 was definitely the worst age- and I have a teen and a pre-teen.

onwardsandupwardsnow · 30/03/2011 20:07

Phew Grin was just about post the same thread!

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 30/03/2011 20:32

I have to pin my ds down to change his nappy and he's only 8 months, god help me when he's 3!!!

Original poster
lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 20:42

Shiny, give him a toothbrush to play with - with any luck that'll distract him, keep him still and forestall any future problems! :o

Actually, I'm deliberately not allowing DD3 to play with her toothbrush (her 3 older siblings all did) as I don't want her getting the impression she's in control...

OP posts:
RoobyMurray · 30/03/2011 20:49

um...YABU to do this at the age of 3

I definitely used to pin down for nappy changes, but I want positive associations with teeth brushing.

I don't want teeth brushing to be traumatic...

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 30/03/2011 20:56

I think I will, hopefully he's brush his own solitary tooth while he's there so I don't have to do it :o So while I'm here, anyone got any tips on how to make toothbrushing normal, fun etc so that by the time he's 3 I can be a smug mummy Wink

CURLYMAMMA · 30/03/2011 21:01

YANBU. I have to hold my 21 months arms to brush her teeth and flip her back a bit to get her to open her mouth. Feel crap doing it but needs must. I do all the fan-dannying about letting her brush, put toothpaste on etc, making silly noises, doing it in front of favourite dvd, but she still wont let me, so I have no choice. Second child. Not necessary with first, but necessary with second.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 21:07

Nobody wants negative associations with anything they have to do with/to their DC rooby.

But if the lovely darling three year olds don't want you to do nails/teeth/get them dressed/eat, then you've got to take charge and do it anyway, whatever their thoughts on the matter.

All of it is traumatic for both parties, the important thing is to make the bits in between comfortable and loving, and they'll remember these bits when they get older.

The real problems start when you shy from doing stuff your DCs don't like and want to be mates, I'm sure DD1 goes to school with a couple of DC who have experienced this type of parenting.

Original poster
lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 21:13

Shiny, what's worked well for me, most of the time (ahem, like you want to be taking advice from me...), is to sing a stupid little song I came up with once, "This is the way we brush our teeth..." (It has a second verse too, so it takes long enough!) That way they have a little distraction and they know exactly how long it's going to take and when it'll be done.

OP posts:
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 30/03/2011 21:14

Come on lostinafrica, what's the rest of that song then :o

Original poster
lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 21:26

What, really?

This is the way we brush our teeth, brush our teeth, brush our teeth.
This is the way we brush our teeth early in the evening/morning.

Forward and back and up and down, up and down and round and round,
Round and round and back again. Now your teeth are clean!

Blush
OP posts:
Original poster
lostinafrica · 30/03/2011 21:26

Took me weeks to polish the lyrics, clearly...

OP posts:
RoobyMurray · 30/03/2011 21:31

er, no, I wouldn't force feed my children either.

I hold my children's fingers for nail cutting but only for a little while. I manipulate their behaviour in other ways than force.

clearly in the absolute minority

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 21:32

Isn't the first bit 'here we go round the mulberry bush'?

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 30/03/2011 21:33

I love it! I may have to use that and make up some actions...my charades when singing "I went to the animal fair" (using one of those typhoo monkeys) and "Rock a bye baby" (which involves swinging ds around the room and pretending to drop him) have been a great hit with my ds.

HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 21:36

Well I'm afraid I'm going for the opposite - yabu. I think it's horrible and uneccesary to pin them down then force a toothbrush in their mouth!

edam · 30/03/2011 21:39

Oh, I remember my sister's appalled face when she saw me pinning ds down to clean his teeth. ds would have been about two. Sister didn't have any children of her own at that point and was horrified. Now she has two and understands!

Rooby, I take your point but sometimes, with non-negotiable stuff like car seats and teeth cleaning, none of the other options work and you are left with brute force. When reason and coaxing and explanation and bribery and songs and all else fail, as a responsible adult, it is my job to ensure ds's teeth ARE clean and he IS in his car seat. When he was two, he couldn't understand concepts like tooth decay or multiple trauma. Now he's older, I'd only use brute force in an emergency, like running headlong into the traffic.

dontjumpplease · 30/03/2011 21:41

Do tell the rest of us how you do it then? Or do you let your childrens' teeth just go unbrushed>

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 21:42

I didn't say I force fed DD1 rooby.

But after a while of her trying it on 'I won't eat anything but chicken dips/chips/peas or beans' I wasn't going to pander to it forever more.

If she didn't want what I cooked for her (simple stuff) then she could have a banana and nothing else, it lasted two and a half days before she started eating a more balanced diet.

I don't just go in all guns blazing, it's obviously an escalation of trying more gentler methods first, but the softly softly approach doesn't always cut any ice.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 21:43

Yes, I'd be interested to learn of these superior parenting skills as well dontjump.

RoobyMurray · 30/03/2011 21:46

edam, I suppose the age we're considering is the dividing point then. I may have given my 2 year old's teeth a cursory brushing by force, but by 3 I wanted him to start taking over. As long as he got into the habit of brushing (however briefly) morning and night, that's what I wanted.

HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 21:51

Oh don't be so defensive! I'm in no way superior because I wouldn't do this and have my own parenting problems like every other parent. I just really dislike the idea of this, I cried getting stays at the dentist a few days ago and I gag on my toothbrush when brushing my OWN teeth so just couldn't do this to my 3 year old.

HolyNetmumsBatman · 30/03/2011 21:51

Stays is meant to say x-rays, oops.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2011 21:56

So how do you brush your DCs teeth HolyNetmums?

When you say you dislike the idea of this it implies that anyone who does it actively enjoys it.

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