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AIBU?

to think i'm busier with toddler and twins than three singletons?

36 replies

doradaisy · 30/03/2011 16:27

hi,
don't want to cause a row in the 'i'm a busier mother than you' conversation but this issue came up when a friend came to visit recently.

i have a very active 3 year old and ID twin boys who are 8 months. the last few months have been crazy busy, although i've been loving it! i got help at the beginning (mother MIL, friends) but am doing most on my own as DH works long hours. am not complaining or anything as I chose to have these children and am delighted and proud of them. however, without sounding a bit naughty, am very intolerant of people telling me how busy they are.

she said her sister was much busier with her 3 children than i was as they were "at totally different stages" and that at least my twins "do everything at the same time". (ya right)

i felt slightly annoyed as she was kind of undermining how busy and tough i've found the last few months (i do play it down though as i really don't want to sounds like a twin - i'm - so-busy-bore). i know she didn't mean it but it begged the question:

are you busier with one child and set of twins OR with 3 children? is being busy a perception? a work colleague of mine has one child and is always 'half killed' by how busy she is (kind of drives me nuts to listen to it!) also, my brother, who has no children, is always too busy to reply to calls/texts, don't ask me what he does with his time. He says things like 'i'm so busy and tired today as had to get up at 8am!! this is a lie in for me!!!!

anyway, just wondering what you think! no offence intended to anyone :)

OP posts:

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3ismylot · 30/03/2011 17:09

I think it depends on your kids and what you deem important to achieve in a day that determines how busy you are

I have a 4yo and 19 month old twins and I do have a busy day most days but its only as busy as I make it.

I honestly think that having 3 singletons would be a lot harder than having my twins as they play so nicely together (most of the time!!) and keep each other amused whereas when I just had ds1 he was a nightmare to keep entertained as he always wanted my attention!

I think that you just manage what you have and find a way to make it work, some people will always moan that they have it harder than others, thats just life.

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therealmrsbeckham · 30/03/2011 17:23

Actually having just told you all how busy I am i've just realised that i've spent most of today on mumsnet DD at school, DS1 at pre school and DS2 sleeping and playing - take back my prize i'm thoroughly ashamed of myself

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doradaisy · 30/03/2011 20:52

very interesting perspectives - thanks all :)

barbielovesken - i like 'hardest life' theory, it's true, some mother's can be martyrs

it's true that some people have different coping mechanisms

twinmummy 79 - thanks for info on your twins!! sounds like have lots to look forward to :0

i reckon us mother's should rem to be more supportive. it's not a competition, although sometimes it does feel competitive

OP posts:

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Flowerpotmummy · 30/03/2011 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 31/03/2011 07:43

Too be honest, I think you just cope with what you've got and, at that time, believe you couldn't deal with anything more. If someone had told me when i was struggling with my PFB son that in 7 years time I would be dealing with 2 children and a newborn single handedly I would have laughed at them. I did cope though and I don't feel any busier than I was with just one. Clearly I am though - especially now they are al at school and all need to be in different places at different times.

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legspinner · 31/03/2011 10:48

Oh, this struck a chord with me, having twins and a singleton. Swings and roundabouts, definitely. At some stages it's been hell and at others much easier, depends on the stage, temperaments etc. Now they are all at school and TBH things do seem much easier than families with 3 all at different ages. In the early days though most people seemed to look on me with pity and say "wow, you must be so busy"....

Any of you twin mums want to get into the "which is easier...twins first or second?" debate?

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Olessaty · 31/03/2011 10:50

Life is busy. I just deal with each day. Don't compare. It gets you down. Take your circumstances and do the best you can.

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BagofHolly · 31/03/2011 12:52

I share your pain! My toddler is 25 months and my twins are 12 weeks and both have reflux. My life is a tantrumming river of screaming sick. It not a competition but if it was, I'd win and you would come second!

And i had ICSI for all mine. I'm eternally thankful and love them to death, but that doesn't stop me wanting to list them - or myself - on eBay from time to time!

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TobyLerone · 31/03/2011 12:55

I think it depends. My ex's boss (who had twin babies) once told me that he thought I had it much harder than him and his wife because I had 2 under 2.

It's not a competition. You are no more special than anyone else just because you have twins, OP.

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Flowerpotmummy · 31/03/2011 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LouMacca · 31/03/2011 13:44

I share your pain too OP

I remember a friend of mine saying 'you have no idea how hard it is having 2 children' FGS I have twins!! When I reminded her I did actualy have 2 children she said 'yes but yours do everything at the same time it's much harder having 2 of different ages!'

As others have said you can't really compare, all children are different and nobody can judge how hard it is unless they walk in your shoes. Anyway OP sounds like your doing a great job!