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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 9 months is a bit young to start potty training???

35 replies

Jazmyn · 30/03/2011 08:12

My friend has just started potty training her 9 month old baby...... she's now calling me lazy for not doing it with my 8 month old. She takes his nappy off and puts him on the potty 3 times a day and tells him to "go". Personally I dont see how you can explain to a baby that young what they need to do, plus how can they tell you they need a pee or whatever when they can't talk?! Mine can't even crawl yet and has so many other things to learn before I start doing this!

Am I being lazy? Am I unreasonable to think it's a bit ridiculous???

OP posts:
amberscow · 30/03/2011 08:16

no YANBU, 9 months thats ridiculous. is she just fed up of changing nappies or something?

my dd is nearly 10 months and id rather teach her to walk n play n talk than potty train right now

Tee2072 · 30/03/2011 08:18

It's absolutely ridiculous and isn't training the baby, it's training the mummy.

Happylander · 30/03/2011 08:18

No you are not being lazy and I do think 9 months is a bit young. I suppose she may just be trying to get him used to sitting on the potty and associating it with doing something. I have had our potty out for a fair few months now and my DS is 16 months. He sometimes goes on it and other times he just says no but I am not seriously trying to potty train him. More just get him used to the idea for when we do make a start. My mum had all her 3 kids potty trained quite early by doing a similar thing.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 30/03/2011 08:20

YANBU

This was normal in the sixties - my DM did it with me, apparently. I imagine every now and then a baby will wee or poo IN the potty, but it'll all be coincidental. Far too early. Bonkers. Misguided waste of effort.

Original poster
Jazmyn · 30/03/2011 08:20

She's now telling me that he was screaming yesterday and all that stopped him was putting him on the potty and then he poo'd. She reckons that the advice to potty train late comes from companies wanting to sell nappies. I think I might have to "go out" or "be busy" to end this conversation to avoid an arguement soon.

OP posts:
Bloodymary · 30/03/2011 08:23

OP she is just trying to justify herself.

amberscow · 30/03/2011 08:23

all it sounds likes shes doing is making the potty a comfort item. id much rather a toy or blanket than my dd take her potty everywhere to calm her lol

FabbyChic · 30/03/2011 08:29

The nursery where I sent my children over twenty years ago never potty trained until 2 years 3 months. Nine months is far too early. That's just ridiculous.

FreudianSlippery · 30/03/2011 08:30

It makes me laugh tbh. Although I wouldn't laugh if I was being called lazy!

It is absolutely NOT potty training the baby anyway, it is just getting him to go on demand (he'll possibly begin to associate the feel of the potty with going) - unless this is a seriously gifted baby who at 9m can say "mummy I need a wee", walk to the potty, undress, sit down and go... Hmm

Nothing wrong with using that method, lots of cultures still do - but being snobby and telling you off for not doing it is just rude! And ridiculous given that it's no longer the cultural norm here.

Personally I couldn't be arsed with all the early training. DD wasn't ready until after turning 3 (we had one failed attempt at 2) - but hey, when she trained it took one morning, so my job was pretty easy :)

Original poster
Jazmyn · 30/03/2011 08:34

You lot have made me feel better about it, thanks... tho I'm still pretty narked at being called lazy!!!! :-/

OP posts:
FoofffyShmoofffer · 30/03/2011 08:36

Yanbu and I would be considering cooling this association slightly. If she is as ridiculous as this over potty training (not to mention calling you lazy- Cheek!) I imagine she will be fairly unbearable about all stages of development and progressively ruder to you.

lesley33 · 30/03/2011 08:37

It is true lots of other countries do this - normally in places where they don't have or can't afford disposable nappies. I don't know it might work for her. But it is normal in this country to do it at 2 or 3 years of age. This is because it is much much easier for the baby and mother to do it at this age.

YANBU or lazy, just following modern guidance. Try and ignore her or ask her not to go on about it. Unfortunately there will always be parents and others who will criticise what you do.

Original poster
Jazmyn · 30/03/2011 08:38

@Foofffy - I think it will naturally cool off tbh, I am moving away in June so won't be living nearby any more. She's been very "diplomatic" about why hers was crawling and now standing so much earlier than mine..... apparently it's because mine is so heavy!!!! (He's 11kg at 8 months)

OP posts:
twilight3 · 30/03/2011 08:39

while she has no business calling you lazy, there is a whole theory about what your friend does, it's called infant potty training or ealry potty training. I don't know much about it, I just happened to come across it once and had a little read (my kids were teenagers when I heard about it anyway so wasn't particularly interested).

From what I gathered it's a completely different cognitive process for the baby than the classical toddler potty training and people who've tried it swear by it. Unlike a young baby, a toddler has to unlearn going in his/her nappy, google it, you might like it when you see it coming from a more reliable source than a friend who offends you for not following her parenting choices.

I bet in 10 years' time it'll be today's BLW Wink

ladyintheradiator · 30/03/2011 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinniferAndTonic · 30/03/2011 08:44

Well. YAB a little U. It is a very recent invention to postpone potty training. Children learn when they are ready, but there is nothing wrong with giving them the opportunity earlier.

I started DD on the potty at around 8 months - I had no idea about the "right" time to do this, I just did because it seemed she would nearly always wee the instant the nappy came off, and I figured if she associated weeing with the nappy coming off then why not try the potty? So I would take the nappy off, hold her over the potty for a few seconds, and when she produced something I would praise her. And guess what? There have been no pooey nappies at all since she was 11 months old. Otherwise it's been a very gradual process: she's been daytime nappy-free from 2.3, but still has the occasional night-time accident at 3.5. I suppose I could have left it all until now, but really, if someone is ready to not poo her pants, then wouldn't it be abuse to make them do so anyway?

girlscout · 30/03/2011 08:48

I've got a photo of dd1 on a potty at 10.5 months,smiling and happy. If she had apoo it was a plus and she was over 2 when she was out of nappies.
It was a thing that belonged to her and lived in the bathroom to go along with i want my potty book. The idea was to introduce it calmly and with fun.
With no real time limit.

coccyx · 30/03/2011 08:50

nonsense

FoofffyShmoofffer · 30/03/2011 09:04

Probably just as well you are moving away.
The thing is it may work for some and not for others, some way want to do this others don't.but doing any of these the things early (potty, crawling etc...) is not an indicator of the child's intelligence. Neither is it an indicator that the Mother is Supermum.

and as for too heavy to crawl. Bollocks.

A1980 · 30/03/2011 09:32

It isn't training the baby but they get used to sitting on a potty very early. It can be introduced early and calmly and it might lead to fewer problems.

My friend began sitting her 6 month old on a potty around the time she knew he was going to go and she manages most days to get him to do it in the potty as she knows the time he goes.

Contrast with my other friend who left it until her DD was well over two, had severe problems and would only do a poo in a nappy. This continued until she was nearly 5. I wonder if she'd been put on a potty much earlier, that wouldn't have happened.

Newgolddream · 30/03/2011 09:46

Why is there so much competitive rubbish between some Mums aned subjects like this? Ive had 3 sons and treated them all exactly the same, Ds 1 and 2 were trained literally overnight at 3 and now DS 3 is still not ready and he was 3 there in December, judgmental prats will no doubt make out its my fault. Its not a race or competition who has the "cleverst" baby although thats what it seems like at times listening to some of these Mums, do they have such low self esteem themselves they have to try and gain it through their children? Until the cognitive ability and nerve connections are there no child can be potty trained. Its completely rude and unnaceptable for your friend to call you lazy as well.

MissJelly · 30/03/2011 09:58

www.diaperfreebaby.org/

If you think about it, humans did not evolve with a bag of nappies available. have a search on the internet and you will find info on the above subject.

Modern lifestyles (car journeys, shopping trips, school run, carpets, soft furnishings) can inhibit the natural way of elimination training, but it can be done. :)

The earlier you get the feel of the potty against the botty, the child will be happier/more comfortable not having his own waste against his skin.

Imagine that if you get your child out of nappies as early as possible, and learn the signs of their elimination communication, by the time they are old enough to go out on trips, you won't have to carry nappies with you, find places to wipe them, carry the stinky nappy etc.

Elimination training can be done in various ways, and from earlier an age than you might think. Get a cup of coffee and a biccie and have a look at that site. You'll be glad you did!

roundthehouses · 30/03/2011 09:59

You are not lazy and YANBU to think she is being ridiculous. You can think whatever you want. 9 months is not, however, too early for what your friend is doing. See links above on ec.

Journey · 30/03/2011 10:05

Competitive potty training is just plain sad. It's just insecure parents trying to make out their superior by trying to potty train their child at a young age.

marmaladetwatkins · 30/03/2011 10:08

Is your friend Caribbean by any chance? My friend's DH is Caribbean and they potty-trained their DS when he was ten months. Apparently it is common for caribbean parents to do this early.

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