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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset because I wasn't invited on a night out...

35 replies

Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 22:40

When pretty much everyone else on my street was? Bit of background- I live in a very close knit community (brits overseas) where everyone knows each other and tends to socialise together. This woman I know who lives on my street has invited almost everyone from this little social circle to her birthday night out at the weekend except me, and I just feel gutted. I know she doesn't have to invite me but aibu to feel so down about it? I'm a nice person, a little bit shy but I try to make an effort, always smiling at people and I think I seem friendly.I don't understand why some people here don't seem to like me.

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 29/03/2011 22:41

Maybe she is going to invite you but hasn't got round to it?

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 22:44

I doubt it. She sent a message out on facebook which I only found out about when people were talking about it at a little girl's birthday party last week.

OP posts:
BakeliteBelle · 29/03/2011 22:50

That is shit. What can I say apart from the fact that I feel for you. Perhaps not everyone on the street is invited? Maybe it just feels that way?

pigletmania · 29/03/2011 22:51

I dont blame you, I would feel the same way too. Do you know her well? Mabey she knows the others better and doesent really know you. Dont feel down about it, go for retail therapy thats what i like to do Grin

Jacksmania · 29/03/2011 22:53

Ohh, that hurts. :( for you.

Could you ask someone if they have any idea why you weren't invited?

MillsAndDoom · 29/03/2011 22:54

That does seem a bit mean of her - hope there is a simple explanation

TheBolter · 29/03/2011 22:57

I feel your pain. Dh and I are usually really popular and in demand but even we got excluded from a massive party once. It was a really awkward situation because I didn't know the hostess that well... even though she had asked us to dinner a few months previously, so we were definitely on her radar.

ALL our friends were invited, but not us. I never said anything because I try not to feel entitled to invitations and try to see them as a bit of an 'honour' but it really upset me at the time,and I spent a ridiculous amount of time mulling it over and wondering what the hell we had done to fall from grace so quickly.

So there's not much I can say to comfort you other than it happens to people all the time,and yes it hurts like shit but you have to take it on the chin and rise above it. Remember that while it feels as if you are being excluded from everyone it's only one person that's not inviting you.

P.s. I saw said party photos on FB and though it looked a bit of a shit party even though allegedly £10,00 had been spent on it! Shock

Thomcat · 29/03/2011 22:57

No, you're not wrong to feel hurt, not at all. You have every right to choose to ffel hurt. But you say 'almost' everyone was invited, so it wasn't absolutley everyone and maybe she feels a bond witht he others more than she does you, at the moment. Try and put yourself out there and make a litle more effort if you have it in you. Maybe organise a night put yourself and ask peopel alopng,incher? Or thingk bollocks to it, I'm happy with what sociallife I do have and trat yourself to a new top for next timeyou DO get invited along somewhere. xx

TheBolter · 29/03/2011 22:58

thought

TheBolter · 29/03/2011 22:59

and £10,000!!

TheBolter · 29/03/2011 23:01

Oh, and by the way the hostess of said party is a bit of a bitch and none of her 'friends' seem to like her much anyway (sticks out tongue in a ner ner ne ner ner playground way and skips off)

fartblossom · 29/03/2011 23:08

YANBU to feel hurt and YANBU to wonder why. I have been there many many times throughout the years (school, college, uni, work, mum friends and even family) and it does hurt and you cant help it. I had to hide some people from my facebook wall due to seeing conversations about social gatherings between my friends that I was never invited to just to save my sanity (figured what you dont know cant hurt).

Really hope you can rise above it and remain calm and not react to the fact you've obviously not been invited. You sound level headed and judging by your post I dont think you will react anyway, I just wanted to say really hope you let it slide over you even though you will be hurt and upset by it.

Thinking about it I think its something that most people go through at times. Although when it happens to you it doesnt feel like it.

Mare11bp · 29/03/2011 23:22

Really feel for you. No excuse but just wondering if you are a bit quieter than the others and just been overlooked? Still hurts like hell but at least then it was innocent and not intentional.....

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 23:26

The thing is because the community is so small I often feel a bit isolated out here and being so far away from my own family and friends,so every situation seems more heightened and I get sensitive about things that I wouldn't normally bother about. I've had this on my mind for a few days and have nobody to talk to about it because I feel so silly. I'm not naturally very confident (badly bullied at school) so stuff like this tends to knock me down bit. Thanks for your replies and listening my moaning! It helps to hear this has happened to other people.Smile

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 29/03/2011 23:28

I live abroad too and I know what you mean about everything feeling heightened. Your world seems smaller somehow when you have less groups of friends, and no family.

Jacksmania · 29/03/2011 23:29

Aww, that's tough :(

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 23:29

Mare11, I am a bit quiet but I always try to talk to this lady when I see her, ask how she is etc. I've had the feeing before that she doesn't like me though,so maybe this proves it. It's frustrating because I don't know why! I don't bitch,I'm always nice to people. Perhaps I come across as weird or someting because I'm a bit nervous in large groups.

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Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 23:31

Oh fuck..I'm crying now. I just feel so lonely and homesick :(

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hmc · 29/03/2011 23:32

Don't get sad, get even (sorry, bad version of don't get mad, get even). Empower yourself - hold a BBQ or drinks and canapes evening (clearly I have a very stereotypical view of expat lifestyles Grin) and invite every bugger going except her!

hmc · 29/03/2011 23:33

Don't cry damn it!

savoycabbage · 29/03/2011 23:33

Oh no, poor you. I had a minor falling out with one of my friends two weeks ago and it seemed HUGE. I would hardly have noticed it at home. Where do you live?

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 23:36

Savoy, I live in Germany (dh in the forces)

OP posts:
Jacksmania · 29/03/2011 23:37

Everything is harder away from home or away from people you love.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

And it's totally shit when you get the feeling that someone doesn't like you, for no good reason. Sadly, it happens, and I try to tell myself that there are people whom I don't really like, for no reason I can figure out except they don't sit right with me.
I won't tell you "it's all right" because right now it isn't, being homesick and lonely is the absolute pits :(. But here is a thread that might cheer you up?
xxxxxxJM

Jacksmania · 29/03/2011 23:38

Oh, I was born in Germany! In Darmstadt. We emigrated to Canada when I was 12 and then my parents divorced and my father moved back. He lives near Darmstadt, in Wixhausen. Where are you?

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 29/03/2011 23:41

I'm in the Rhine region. Germany itself is lovely! If I was happy with everything else here iyswim I think I would really enjoy living here but feeling like this does put a downer on it.

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