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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this weird behaviour from a nanny

39 replies

salingerreference · 29/03/2011 21:33

Genuinely don't know whether this is me projecting my own issues onto something totally harmless or whether this is odd.
I am interviewing for nannies for my 6 month old baby. Someone turns up today and shows me a scrapbook type thing she has made for a child she looked after. It is beautifully done and called something like 'james smith (child's name)- all about me and my life.' There are photos of the child with all the important people/ things in his life: outside his house, with all his favourite toys, with all his best friends etc.

What I found odd though was that she had included 7 separate large photos of the child with her- captioned 'me with my nanny' on the first 7 pages. It wasn't until page 12 there was a tiny (I mean really tiny) photo of the child's parents. This rings alarm bells with me but I really can't tell whether I am just freaking out at the idea of my baby bonding more with the nanny than with me and I have to sort that out, or whether this is slightly odd behaviour.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hardandsleazy · 29/03/2011 21:36

Don't know about it being odd but worrying re bonding with nanny is common (is this your first or first nan y). Might be bette posting this in cm childcare thread if want nannies responses on it- the diary thing does sound odd but sounds like you are more concerned about wider issues (unfounded in my experience as children know and care foe parents and nannies in different ways).

Hardandsleazy · 29/03/2011 21:36

Yanbu to worry re right childcare but might be over emoting a bit re diary

howlonguntiltheweekend · 29/03/2011 21:37

hmm...what was the purpose of this scrapbook? If it was to act as some sort of portfolio for her then maybe not so odd.

NimpyWindowmash · 29/03/2011 21:38

I'm not sure. No nanny I ever hired has done this, but it's quite sweet really - shows she loved the kid, which is the main thing. What are you worried about? Do you think she's going to run off with your baby?

mamatomany · 29/03/2011 21:40

My first nanny I hired still sends me texts 4 years on asking how her girls are, I'll take that over the one who locked the youngest in the garden and let her boyfriend kick my three year old any day of the week.

Original poster
salingerreference · 29/03/2011 21:40

thanks for replies- the purpose of the scrapbook was for the child for a school project type thing- she took a copy for herself but more to show that she does crafty/school type things with kids than as a portfolio for herself if you see what I mean. She also had photos of other stuff she had done with kids- craft projects etc.

And yes, it is my first baby and first nanny so definitely some wider issues there! hard for me to judge what is genuine concern and what is just me being silly if you know what I mean.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/03/2011 21:41

If she took the photos, then presumably the parents were out at work, and she was nannying at the time. So there wouldnt have been the opportunity to get photos of the child with its parents (who will no doubt have got lots of their own photos anyway).

thisisyesterday · 29/03/2011 21:41

i wonder if it was to show the close relationship she had with him?
or if it is something for him to keep and remember her by hence the pics of her and all the things they did together?

Original poster
salingerreference · 29/03/2011 21:42

oh my god mama that's awful! so sorry!
no, not worried that she will run off with my baby, more that her judgement is a little bit odd- I would imagine that most people writing a book for a child about their life would include the parents pretty prominently! but maybe it is just sweet.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 29/03/2011 21:45

If she seems like a sweet girl then she most likely is, the nutter case we hired was clearly a nut case but tragically we didn't see the signs at the time, thankfully no long term damage was done, but it is a massive leap of faith leaving them with an unknown person.
My advice is reference check everyone personally and ask if they have anything that they feel you ought to know about this nanny at the end. That question can be very revealing.

ChristinedePizan · 29/03/2011 21:46

I would think that it was because most of the pics were taken by them together and that it wasn't easy for her to take pics of the parents. I don't think you should read anything sinister into it.

Original poster
salingerreference · 29/03/2011 21:48

thanks everyone- sounds like the general consensus is that I am being a bit ridiculous. Good to know. thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
sundayrose10 · 29/03/2011 21:54

Sorry but I could not leave my baby alone with a total stranger. Rather a nursery. To have TOTAL trust in ONE stranger with my baby would send me mental.

mamatomany · 29/03/2011 22:01

You would be amazed SundayRose to hear that the nanny who was so unkind to my daughter still works locally and nobody has ever asked for a reference for her so clearly she's chopped us off her CV, despite some people knowing that she was employed by us, I have no idea how she's got away with.
I'd still rather a nanny than a CM though and nurseries have their bad points too.

MorticiaAddams · 29/03/2011 22:16

I actually think it's a bit weird if it's for the child for a school project as you would put his parents and grandparents first.

When I read your post I thought it was a keepsake she had made for herself in which case it wouldn't be so odd as to want lots of photos of them together.

Laquitar · 29/03/2011 22:26

I agree that she just used the oportunity to use it as a portfolio for herself.

Also if she knew she is leaving the job then this could be a nice thing for both (nanny and child) to keep. It is nice for the child to have many photos of himself with the nanny when an era ends.

(I was a nanny btw)

I wouldn't worry about this but i agree about references, i prefer landline number or workplace number/address than just mobile number and e-mail address (at least for the most recent jobs although i know that people move and change numbers so it is not always easy)

Original poster
salingerreference · 30/03/2011 09:03

morticia
that's the thing- if it was something for her own portfolio it would be totally fine obviously - it's just the fact that it was a school project, was supposed to be a reflection of what the child's life was like and all the important people in it, and was just a whole book about her. I can see that she might try and use it as an opportunity to make a portfolio for herself but that's not really the point of a child's school project- she shouldn't really hijack it like that.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 30/03/2011 09:07

Was she Australian? I am living in Australia and have friends that 'scrapbook' everything. Their day to day lives, like a diary I suppose. Or a blog. In which case as she was spending with that child then that is what she would be scrapbooking about.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 30/03/2011 09:11

I really wouldn't let it worry you.

Bathsheba · 30/03/2011 09:11

Maybe they were the only photos she had for the school project.

Maybe the parents worked very long hours so it was hard for her to take pictures of the child with his parents as the child was in bed when they got home

Maybe it was important to the parents that the school knew who the nany was as she would be doing the picks ups

Maybe it was a project that she did with very little notice (as we often hear school projects are) or maybe the parents asked her to put something together at the last minute so she had to run around taking snaps of them

I'd be very impressed that she had the time talent and inclination to put together such a nice item for the child, the parentsd and the school that it was good enough to show to other employers

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 30/03/2011 09:14

Scrapbooking or making a photobook for a child, not odd at all. It's something which is frequently suggested on nanny forums as a nice leaving present. Which it is.

It's also something nannies do as keepsakes for themselves/to show parents at interview. If I went back to nannying it's something I'd consider, although I'm frankly terrible at crafty things so it might not reflect brilliantly on me!

Putting herself so prominently in a school project is a little odd and demonstrates perhaps a lack of awareness of other people's feelings, and I also wonder why she still has it?

altinkum · 30/03/2011 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamatomany · 30/03/2011 09:24

It's not a school project it's documentation to prove the nanny doesn't spend all her time sat in starbucks with the kid strapped into a buggy.
All CM's have to have one, as do the nursery's and I suppose nanny has been recently trained at college's who expect the students to go into these settings so the nanny has produced one because it's what she felt she ought to do.

RitaMorgan · 30/03/2011 09:26

Agree with others that the most important thing is references - speak to every employer you can, double check dates and be wary of any nanny who has gaps in her CV or was often away "travelling".

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 30/03/2011 09:29

OP says it was "a school project type thing-"

A learning journal, keepsake or something for the parents similar to the daily diary nurseries/CMs do would be completely different and not alarming, but 7 big photos with the nanny in a school project? Either it was done in a rush or she's lacking a little sensitivity.

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