to find this weird behaviour from a nanny

[salingerreference]

Genuinely don't know whether this is me projecting my own issues onto something totally harmless or whether this is odd.
I am interviewing for nannies for my 6 month old baby. Someone turns up today and shows me a scrapbook type thing she has made for a child she looked after. It is beautifully done and called something like 'james smith (child's name)- all about me and my life.' There are photos of the child with all the important people/ things in his life: outside his house, with all his favourite toys, with all his best friends etc.

What I found odd though was that she had included 7 separate large photos of the child with her- captioned 'me with my nanny' on the first 7 pages. It wasn't until page 12 there was a tiny (I mean really tiny) photo of the child's parents. This rings alarm bells with me but I really can't tell whether I am just freaking out at the idea of my baby bonding more with the nanny than with me and I have to sort that out, or whether this is slightly odd behaviour.

AIBU?

Personally I think its way to easy to read far too much into this kind of behaviour, and that there was nothing sinister, inappropriate or insensitive about it, but that we are just missing some context.

That said, I do think if you have any gut feelings about someone you interview who is to be looking after your child, you should go with them, or at least not ignore them totally.

the other thing about this nanny is that she wouldn't let me speak to her current employer. She said she was too busy and didn't want to disturb her. THe family are moving away which is why she is moving jobs. I can't help thinking that if you really loved your nanny you would be able to spare 10 mins to give her a good reference for her next job if you were moving no matter how busy you were. What do you think? (she gave me the number for her last but one family...)

Mmmm it's not unusual to only want to let you check a reference from the last employer once you have an offer on the table, but if she's going anyway, espeically if it's because they're moving, I'm suprised they've not given her a written reference/agreed to be contacted because it's planned and they must be expecting her to be looking for a new job IYSWIM.

If you have warning bells, listen to them, it doesn't really matter in this instance if they sound entirely rational. Although the not calling thing would bother me, either she hasn't told them she's interviewing for new jobs or she has something to hide, IMO.

Red Flag OP, if you aren't able to talk to her current employer and she says they are moving away, I smell BS.

This gut instinct thing we have is sometimes all we have to go on, and your hackles went up with the scrapbook.

She is lying. If YOU were moving away and had a good nanny, you, surely, would feel a little responsible for her being out of work, so would help her to secure a new job.

This seems to be a dodgy nanny.

You must speak to the current employer. It's not negotiable.

As a former nanny this rings alarm bells for me, you can ofer her the job subject to reference check but you must check her refs. You only have her word that the family are moving away.

See that now does sound dogey. It would be one thing if she wanted to leave the job because they were horrible but didn't want them to know until she had an offer - fine. But if they are moving away and that's why she is leaving, they should be happy to help her find work.

Fishier than a mermaid's crotch.

the thing is she may well be that important in the child's life. There are some nannies who spend every waking hour of a child's life with it thus making the nanny more prominent than the parents iyswim.

Not wanting current employers contacted at interview stage isn't unusual, obviously once you'd offered the position you could contact them for a reference, and if you didn't get a good reference the offer could be withdrawn (as any offer can be subject to references).

Absolutely have to check references, but it is reasonable not to contact the current employer until you have offered the job (they may not know about her wanting to move).

I once worked somewhere where they failed to do a check (not a nanny job but with lots of contact with the public). It turned out the guy had applied from prison where he was serving time for fraud! So, always check references preferably in person, and the poster who said to ask 'have you got anything else you'd like to mention or you think is relevant?' was spot on.

well up until you posted about not being able to contact her current employer I thought you WBa little U, but now now!

Check and double check references. It is too easy to pull the wool over someones eyes, like in the case of onetoomany

I would contact the nanny's previous employers and try to do it face to face.

wannabe even if you do spend that much time with the child, and I've done 24/5 work, you are still not that prominent in their life - eventually you will move on, their parents won't. No matter how much time they spend caring for a child a nanny will never replace parents and shouldn't try to. In fact I'd say they should go as far as to actively disabuse people of that notion by always ensuring the parents have a very prominent place and keeping them involved, even when they're not there.

Scrapbook thing, a little odd but harmless. Not wanting you to talk to current employer? Bye!

sundayrose10