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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let PIL take DS in their car?

59 replies

SquishyBumsMum · 29/03/2011 11:00

Since DS was born, DP's parents have only seen him about 5 times.
We make plans to see them at least once a week and they always cancel, usually about an hour before, and no, I'm not exaggerating. This is partly because of MIL's illness which is why we tend to grin and bear it and just try everything to get her to see DS as she always says she's missing him etc.

So, on mother's day they've proposed that we all go out for a meal together, which sounded lovely until they suggested somewhere miles away.
The problem is, we don't have a car at the moment and theirs is completely knackered, the gear box is gone and the breaks tend to lock up and stop working without warning. To top it all of MIL is on extremely strong medication so shouldn't be driving at all and FIL can't drive.

AIBU to say absolutely not to them driving us anywhere, as I don't agree with them driving anywhere at all, MIL is a danger to herself and everyone else on the road. But they seem to think I'm over reacting.

I've offered to cook etc but nothing seems like an acceptable alternative to them.
So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 11:03

Not only would I not go, I would shop them to DVLA and the police for driving inappropriately with a car that is not roadworthy

what about everyone else's kids as well as your own ?

FabbyChic · 29/03/2011 11:03

You are not being unreasonable if the MIL is on medication that means she shouldn't drive.

ENormaSnob · 29/03/2011 11:03

No I wouldn't get in their car.

Yanbu.

saffy85 · 29/03/2011 11:05

YANBU at all imo. If she's on strong medication then I'm sure the leaflet that comes with said medication states she shouldn't be driving. No way would I let my DD get in a car with someone who's driving while taking strong meds.

Will they go out somewhere within walking distance, if that's possible? Could you maybe celebrate Mothers Day later on when your car is road worthy again?

Original poster
SquishyBumsMum · 29/03/2011 11:05

Thankyou everyone, it's not just me then!
PA4PM I want to do this, but they'd know it's me and the relationship DP has with his family is fragile as it is, but I know if anything happened I couldn't forgive myself.

OP posts:
lubberlich · 29/03/2011 11:06

YANBU. Tell her straight why you don't want to get in the car with her.

ChristinedePizan · 29/03/2011 11:06

What PeterAndre said

brizzagirl · 29/03/2011 11:07

How about going somewhere closer by that you could walk to (not sure how far apart you live?) or at least get a bus or taxi to?
You could maybe position it as not wanting to put them out by making them drive or it means everyone could have a celebratory drink?

PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 11:07

but I know if anything happened I couldn't forgive myself.

for this, YABU

the unroadworthy car with faulty brakes...report to the police

Original poster
SquishyBumsMum · 29/03/2011 11:10

They live about 10 minutes away from us, MIL can't walk very far at all so a taxi would be the only option, which I don't mind paying for.
They know the car's completely buggered and they haven't used it in ages but they're saying "just this once" won't matter but it makes me feel sick thinking about what could happen.

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 29/03/2011 11:11

You have offered to cook which imo is a lovely solution (considering it is Mothering Sunday for you as well)

She is being awkward imo if she refuses to consider this.

Also I imagine there is a fair chance she will have to cancel on the day due to health problems? Potentially leaving all of you with no dinner?

She should not be driving and is probably not insured to do so in the circumstances you describe.

driving issues apart, she is being very rude and unreasonable/controlling by refusing to consider alternative options.

A restaurant on Sunday is likely to be stressful with a young child and two infirm grandparents. It will be very busy everywhere, service in some places won't be great.

PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 11:12

I hope I don't live anywhere near you

Blu · 29/03/2011 11:13

Tell them the restaurant they suggested is fully booked and suggest an alternative - say if necessary 'we'd rather go somewhere really local - let's not risk a lovely event by relying on your car, dodgy gear box etc'.

Then in a few days inform DVLA.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/03/2011 11:13

There are 2 issues here. First is the driving issue.

Second is this:

"I've offered to cook etc but nothing seems like an acceptable alternative to them"

Pils are deliberately being awkward about this.

FreudianSlippery · 29/03/2011 11:13

No yanbu, and you must 'shop them' - it is for their own safety as much as everyone elses.

Sympathies. I've decided not to let my DCs go to my parents' house (my family home FFS) any more because it is in too much of a state. It was bad enough when I lived there but they have now got a rat infestation :(

onepieceoflollipop · 29/03/2011 11:15

Would it work if you could get her insurance company/broker to ring her, on the basis of a routine check of her details i.e. that nothing has changed? Would she lie re her health problems/medication etc?

I would ring local police I think.

holyShmoley · 29/03/2011 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SquishyBumsMum · 29/03/2011 11:18

Would she lie re her health problems/medication etc?

She already has done, she still has a paper license for god's sake which isn't even valid anymore.

I really don't know what to do, a big part of me wants to report it all and make sure she can't do anything like this again but it would cause so many problems between DP and I, not to mention his family.

OP posts:
wahwahwah · 29/03/2011 11:18

Suggest a taxi so you can all have a glass of wine without worrying.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 29/03/2011 11:19

I agree with Peter. YABU for not reporting them to the DVLA on both medical and car road-worthiness grounds.

TechnoKitten · 29/03/2011 11:19

Re: "strong medication" - it rather depends what it actually is. If she is on lots of beta blockers, blood pressure / cholesterol stuffs, water tabs etc - no reason not to drive. If it's something like painkillers (morphine, oxycodone etc) they should come with a "May cause drowsiness, do not drive" warning.

However that's rather beside the point. No way would I let my children in a car with variably functioning brakes. Not even just this once, not for 5 minutes. I wouldn't get in it myself either. It can't have a valid MOT, surely?

They are being very unreasonable to even consider it - somewhere closer to home or a taxi (or both!) seems better. Are you sure they won't cancel again anyway though?

PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 11:20

  1. unroadworthy, dangerous car

  2. MIL on medicaion that makes her unfit to drive

  3. MIL has invalid driving licence

Give me her details, I will report the stupid cow myself

onepieceoflollipop · 29/03/2011 11:21

I wouldn't want to go out on Mothers' Day at all with either of them, from the little you have said. They sound very unreasonable and controlling.

Stay at home and get your dh to cook. :)

IslaValargeone · 29/03/2011 11:22

YANBU.
I am having problems with my pil re a health issue and driving.
I have been made to feel an ogre about it. I feel your pain.

Original poster
SquishyBumsMum · 29/03/2011 11:24

This will be my first Mother's day as a mother, all I really wanted to do was snuggle up with DP and DS and have a nice lunch and walk to the park or something.

MIL is on so much medication etc that the doctor has told her in no circumstances should she be driving, but she cries and says it's the last of her independance.

I feel like crying right now, I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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