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AIBU?

To think that lunch is not enough?

75 replies

everybodysang · 28/03/2011 20:02

Actually I am pretty sure I am NBU but thought I'd share this.

Am staying at my parent's tonight (and last night) as it was my grandfather's funeral today. I'm about 300 miles from home, and I have my 12 week old baby with me.

My mum has massive food issues, and has done for years. Dad used to really enjoy his food but has developed diabetes, and since retiring has been much more under the influence of my mum regarding what they eat. They both now have very small appetites - my mum always ate tiny amounts but now my dad does too. They also eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 5 - when I'm at home I normally have lunch about 2 and dinner at 8. No problem, though, of course I just fit in with their schedule when I'm here. My mum's small portions and lack of things to eat at theirs is a bit of a joke among my brother and our partners, but I always just make sure I have a few snacks packed in my suitcase in case I get hungry while I'm here.

This time, however, everything had to be booked very last minute and I just didn't have time, or even really think about packing snacks. No matter, it's only a couple of nights, right? So the funeral was today at 12, then arrived at a nearby hotel for lunch at 1. After the meal, my dad said to my mum, "have we got anything in for dinner tonight?"; to which my mum replied, "Son't be ridiculous, we won't want anything to eat at 5 after this enormous lunch." (It was a nice lunch, but by no means enormous, btw). My heart sank but I thought, never mind, I'll take the baby for a walk to the shop later and I can get something to eat. Except the shop is closed for refurbishment. No other shop for miles; no car and no public transport after 5 so no way to get out; breastfeeding the baby which makes me ravenous on a normal day.

AIBU to want to cry a little bit cos I'm so hungry and there's no food at all in the house?

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Skinit · 28/03/2011 21:47

Everybbodysang..where are you? I can't BEAR to think of you hungry!

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HansieMom · 28/03/2011 23:43

I'd say, "I'm hungry, I'm breastfeeding, what have you got to eat?"

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MaisyMooCow · 29/03/2011 00:19

I have to eat often otherwise I get the 'food shakes' so my heart goes out to you!

I would have thought your father would being eating more regularly if he has diabetes.

Your mum sounds very controlling but you're a mum now too so don't be afraid to stand up to her.

By the time you've read this you'll probably have eaten the neighbours cat!!!

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LunaticIsOnTheGrass · 29/03/2011 00:32

Surely there must something in for your father's diabetes - what if he has a hypo?

I hope you manage to get something to eat anyway

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sleepywombat · 29/03/2011 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everybodysang · 29/03/2011 05:26

Ooh I feel a bit better knowing that it's not just my mum!

Nobody drives (including me) so no car, but we're in a large city, just in an odd featureless kind of suburb. So there are takeaways, but the grief that would cause just wasn't worth it...mum and I have a fragile relationship (well, I don't think she thinks it is, but it is!) and it took such a long time to work out any kind of balance that I don't want to disturb it now, today of all days.

I hadn't really thought of my dad having to eat something for his diabetes. It's type 2, controlled by diet, don't know if that makes any difference. But there is literally NOTHING to eat - well, there's a single slice of bread but that's for my breakfast, and I thought it would be better to keep it for that as I have to get into town to get the train home and I'm genuinly worried about fainting or something. They go food shopping on a Wednesday and nothing can change that. God knows what my dad is going to eat for breakfast - there's usually oats for porridge but I couldn't even see any of them.

I did find a quarter of a packet of Percy Pigs at the bottom of my bag. But woman cannot live on Percy Pigs alone. When I get to the station tomorrow I am going to eat so much.

OP posts:

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Bewunce · 29/03/2011 05:32

Oh everybody, that sounds so sad. :(

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Gemsy83 · 29/03/2011 05:58

Thats disgusting, parents are meant to nurture and nourish their offspring not starve them when they are breastfeeding! (or indeed any other time!!)

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sunnydelight · 29/03/2011 06:02

Oh poor you - I really feel for you. I get totally irrational and tearful if I am starving, think it's a low blood sugar thing. Hope you get a nice big brekkie in the morning (sorry for your loss too).

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diddl · 29/03/2011 07:23

Well, I´ve been known to not eat again after a meal out at lunch, so I don´t think that that´s odd.

But having no food in is odd.

My dad-on his own-in his 80s is a one for keeping food stocks quite low, but always has pasta, rice & a couple of jars of sauce "in reserve".

In case he can´t get out for some reason for a couple of days.

Although on the whole your mum might be helping your dad with his type ll by keeping portions small & not having sugary snacks about.

That said-if they shop together-he can also buy what he wants & could also have thought to get in extra for you.

Sorry about your GF btw.

Mine was in his late 90s when he died & it was still a shock as you get to thinking that they will always be there!

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onceamai · 29/03/2011 07:27

I don't really understand why you didn't say at lunchtime "but mum I will have to get something because of feeding the baby" I'll pop out while you and dad have coffee and can I get you anything while I'm gone.

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anonacfr · 29/03/2011 09:11

Wow. A takeaway would cause grief?
Even if you made a little joke of it by mentioning the breastfeeding and telling your mum it's given you extra appetite and you need the food to pass on to baby etc.
If there's no food and you need dinner I can't fathom why your mother would be offended if you ordered something for yourself.

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poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 09:22

This sounds terrible, I feel for you

Be sure to drink lots of liquids in the meanwhile. Don't overdo it when you do manage to get your hand on some food.

Ensure you always have snacks in your bag! Every day, in case you drop by mum's again...

Big hug.

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CheerfulYank · 29/03/2011 09:25

Oh honey ! I'm so sorry about your grandfather and then this whole ridiculous food thing on top of it. I feel like making an international call this second and having something sent to you.

I had a friend when I was 13 or so who never ate. Ever. And she'd ask me to come spend the night, and I'd be sure to stuff myself beforehand because I knew I wouldn't be getting anything at hers.

I'm sorry :(

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Skinit · 29/03/2011 09:32

I hope you're nice and full by now...I HATE being hungry. My MIL did similar thing yesterday....we had sandwich at 4.00 n a cafe....so she was all "Oh I wont want any dinner now....you cant possibly be hungry" which made me feel pig-like for insisting that we have some dinner at 7.00...

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NestaFiesta · 29/03/2011 09:35

You poor thing. I know what you mean about treading softly with your Mum and you don't want an upset the day of a funeral. However, this is a medical issue and you MUST have food. Breastfeeding burns off up to 500 calories a day and you NEED those calories.

You will have to say it's doctor's orders and you have been instructed to eat 3 large meals a day whilst BFing for medical reasons. Your mother is controlling you and your Dad by inflicting her eating disorder on you. She can't do this as you and your baby need nutrition.

As for your Dad's type 2 diabetes- my husband is also type 2 and cannot go for too long without snacks or food as his blood sugar levels go wonky and he gets very snappy and feels weird. Ideally he needs regular low GI food (slow energy release) like porridge, nuts, bananas, brown bread. Your Mum is doing you both damage and she will just have to lump it. This is HER eating disorder and to inflict it on a diabetic and a BFing mother and her child is bang out of order.

Control freaks are not generally used to people standing up to them and saying NO, so start here!

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LindyHemming · 29/03/2011 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlippery · 29/03/2011 09:53

You avoided ordering a take away so as not to upset your mum? I mean this in the kindest way everybodysang, but you know that's not normal, right?! :( it'd be understandable if they'd cooked a dinner which you were refusing, but they are not providing anything. That is just not ok.

Many takeaways can be ordered online btw, so no worries if no menu around. Tell your mum that BFing uses around 500 kcal per day - and they need to be replaced or YOU - their beloved daughter FFS - will get ill.

So sorry for your loss too xx

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Ephiny · 29/03/2011 09:53

YANBU, I would be starving and I'm not even BFing! I probably wouldn't want a big dinner if I'd had a restaurant lunch, but I'd definitely want to eat again that day, a sandwich or something at the very least.

My MIL can be a little like this as she's overweight and always dieting. I hate being dependent on other people to feed me as well.

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Asinine · 29/03/2011 09:56

I know I would not be a good hostess if my mum had just died, and my appetite would be poor. When my dad died we had a takeaway because no one felt like cooking.

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Grabaspoon · 29/03/2011 10:03

I hope you managed to get yourself a big breakfast this morning.

I babysat once in a family home with 3 kids and there was nothing in the fridge/cupboards or freezer to eat - apart from half a packet of cheese thins! I knew they were expecting tesco the next day but it does seem odd to have no food at all in a family home!

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poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 10:09

I too find it odd to have nothing in the house to eat. No fruit? No crackers? No tinned beans? Half a bag of pasta?

Even if we are the day before an Ocado delivery, we can make do for at least a week if needs must.

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Ephiny · 29/03/2011 10:16

It is odd. We always have some bread in the freezer for toast, tinned and dried stuff in the cupboards, breakfast cereals etc.

I can understand the OP's mother may not feel much like eating/cooking herself, but it is odd to have literally no food in the house that the OP could prepare for herself, or to make her feel like she can't say she needs to eat or order a takeaway without getting 'grief' for it.

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plopplopquack · 29/03/2011 10:47

I think you may need to stand up to your mum. The more you go along with this the more normal she will think her eating is.

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lubberlich · 29/03/2011 10:56

Why couldn't you just say "Mum I am absolutely fucking starving - I need some grub for tonight even if you don't."

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