to want to move even though dd will be devastated?

[blackmonday]

I have done a thread on this before but am still going round in circles. Myself and dh own a lovely home (well mortgaged). We live on the outskirts of a not very nice northern town which we don't want dd's growing up in. Little employment, high drug problem etc. We would love to move back down south (not sure exactly where) . Thing is it would mean having to rent. We have messed up our credit rating and can't prove our income so won't be able to move our mortgage (even though we have never missed a payment). Also both dd's love our home and their school/friends but I know long term this is not a good area to bring them up. My eldest dd is very sensitive and would take a long time to adjust to a move. We are very worried about losing the security of owning our own home and the prospect of probably never getting back on the property ladder but moving from here to a better area would make myself and dh very very happy. Please help us decide what to do!!

Would you move before they went to secondary school, if so I would agree it is a good idea, however, I would never no matter what move a child once they have started secondary school, that would just be mean.

If you sell your home would you not be able to get a further mortgage with those you already mortgage through, bear in mind however that property prices are more expensive in the South.

is it really bad? i moved away from a northern town myself which was quite bad,but seems to have upped its game a little now!!

and i'm in the south too....its very expensive,as i'm sure you know

How old are your DDs?

YANBU. You are the parents and you know what is best for their future.

Do you have to move so far away? Could you rent in a nicer area close enough to where you are now so that the DCs are still at same school etc?

Parents should decide these things not children, although I agree it would be bad news to change secondary school. Do what makes you happy, and the children will adapt, if they are still quite young.

Thanks for the replies. My dd's are both in primary school and we would definately plan to move before they start secondary school. There is no chance in us taking our mortgage with us as the mortgage company have already told us we would need to re-apply if we moved house and we would not be accepted now. There is nowhere near here that we could move to that would offer more opportunities for the dds really. We still have some family down south which we would like to be nearer to so there is a reason for us to move more that way.

My parents moved from an unimpressive town in the West Midlands to a beautiful town by the sea when I was just about to go into sixth form. I was devastated as I was bullied at school and had only just built up a circle of close friends whom I trusted - the sort that would still be friends now had I not moved away at that crucial time. I couldn't have cared less about the nicer environment we moved to.

If you want to move, do it early. NOT during adolescence.

Do it early as possible - we upsticks when ds was in year 1 and I am VERY glad we didn't do it later. I spent all my childhood moving and going to different schools, I was always the new girl - some are ok with this but I found it very hard. I was very concerned about ds settling but he was fine. Good luck with whatever you decide :)

TheCowardlyLion, so sorry you had a hard time with the move. I agree that it would be best to do it early rather than later. I just know how hard it will be for dd1 to start a new school even at her age (7). She is quiet and shy and I can't believe how brilliantly she has settled at her current school and how she has blossomed. Really scared to unsettle her like this but then also very scared of her future if we stay. To put things in perspective our town was mentioned on the radio lately for having the highest number of people on anti-depressants than any other town in the uk. There really are few prospects here for them.

oooh wondering where you are now black monday,give us a clue!!

If you fancy a hen night, this is the place!!

We did exactly that. We rent our house out in Lancs and rent one in Hants. More expensive rent but we are still on the property ladder. DD, then 8, is very resistant to change so we gave her lots of notice of the move, a year in fact, and she was fine with it all when it happened. And settled in very quickly at her new school. So I'd say go for it.

We've been thinking about this for such a long time. I think we just need someone to tell us what to do. There was someone else on mumsnet a while ago who lived here and was desperate to move too. She managed to do it and I remember feeling so jelous that she'd got out! I don't think renting our house out would be an option as we would have to get a different mortgage. The rent probably wouldn't cover the mortgage payments even if we could get one.

Plus it was the making of DD socially. She's normally very. Shy and quiet, but moving brought her out of herself. So moving is the best thing we did tbh.

Gosh moving from Lancs to Hants is exactly the move we want to make. Did you have to get a different mortgage to rent out your house? (clueless on mortgages!)

Our mortgage company let us rent our house out but put the interest rate up 0.5%. Have you looked into what rent you'd get?

We moved from a not-so-great northern city to the south coast. We went from renting to renting though. The rent we pay now is double, but for the quality of life it really is worth it.

If you live where I think you do (ref hen night comments) - that is my home town.

My experience and that of most of my friends was that once we had our university places we got the hell out ourselves. The fact that my family are there has made little difference as I moved away and made my own life when I was old enough anyway. I now live 200 miles away, my brother is in Manchester, another brother in Canada and my sister is about to go to university in Liverpool. Most of my friends moved way and very few have gone back.

If you move down south they may well have to move once they reach adulthood anyway as they won't be able to afford to stay.

Growing up in a crap town doesn't necessarily mean you end up having crap prospects.

I don't think you could put a price on shorter winters and more sunshine. We had a lot of rain where we lived and love the weather down here. Our rent is almost double what we get for our house but I think it's worth it. (does that contradict my first sentence?)

If your quality of life now isn't what you want, that's a different story and you should look into your options (as you are)

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, that if your life now is OK then staying need not scupper your dds' chances of a good life later.

Which secondary school would they end up at?

TigerFeet, it's not only their prospects (although that is a major consideration) but it's also us that are unhappy here. A lot of people I speak to who like it here were born here and have never lived anywhere else. It's just my house that I love!

If they are still in primary school then YANBU, my parents moved me when I was 14 and I still haven't forgiven them

They would go to Hodgson or Baines which are the best schools in the area (as far as I'm aware) but even that seems little consolation!